Loneliness Teaches U Lot More Than Just Pain !!!

                       (Written in no pessimistic feeling for being so lonely in my life at this point of my life  rather feeling optimistic that loneliness has shown me truths i never saw before)

          

             "Will you never leave me for gods sake " i asked one of my friends many years ago rudely ---She replied smilingly "Why should I - I dont want to be alone in this world again  --already have spent 20 yrs goin through it --u have no idea what is to be in tht space -- All u have in that space is Scary Silence  !! "

                              Not until last few years did i realise the magnamity of those words - but i realised lot more than that --"Loneliness is sumthing noone wishes for -it is a unwanted guest --(undeniable ,unacceptable ,painful --yes --but more than everythin it is hell a lot worth than all that )-"but when it comes it comes as a waterfall with full force --the only thing you could do is getting wet and believing you will not get washed away when it is done ".

                              The skies seems endless--the nights after work seem colder with every minute-the search for food become so tiring that u wished u were never hungry --the walks alone wishing for more than the fresh air for company --to scale out the borders of life at this juncture is probably the hardest --but sumwhere the more u live with it you learn more about life,people and yourself .Might seem absolutely stupid but that is a truth,,the time before i was pushed to these boundaries it seemed i was not spared a minute as i was swamped by my relatives,friends and neighbours ,,,it was a pleasant headache to have ---but once years started rolling by -people started getting stuck in their own stuff and slowly life seemed too barren and i seemed to have plenty of time for myself as hours seemed like days suddenly .

                             Frustrations begin to setin --irritated by not having people at the right time at the right hour felt like injustice --ran out of patience --after few breakups and few hiccups --i started realising ---"tht i have no idea what the purpose of the other persons life is all about" --to expect is human --to hope is of love--to wish is of trust ---but when that person is not able to be near you it is sheerly out of inability of contriving situations to bend according to our needs and not selfishness as i foresaw--i met a frd after 1 long yr after mistakin her for leaving abruptly without intimating anything despite being a close frd of mine --when i sat reluctantly to hear her side i did not expect her to have had that horrible torrid time during the same time --a torrid marriage gone wrong --a miscarriage ---hell a lot had happened and i knew nothing--suddenly i felt the other way around of me not being there for her --life seemed lot more mystical .

                           On my own i started believing it is a better way to know about the people in ur life --probably by being at a distance u understand the value of every person in ur lives--u get ur basics right about the people --at some point by living with loneliness u slowly start to realise more about urself -what to do and what not --pains will remain ,,scars will be there but when u have no option than to accept fate--u begin to unravel simple truths u missed during happy times --simple facts about people u love --ur forgotten passion--so many little things makeup for scary unwanted silence !!

                         " Tommorow  might hold nothing good - this  silence might be still prolonging --pain might be endless--but the fact is on the other positive side --its better to be not too close --u will be sure when sumone isnt in ur life in ur most desperate moment --u might very well be doing the same --its not a case of them being selfish but just pushed helpless by nature .

                      I just remember the quote with the one person i admire a lot for her guts and most probably the rudest girl i have come across my life but still was a special special frd for her absolute frankness in everything she did  ,,the last words she told me before she left far away to find happiness --I said to her while bidding farewell ---" See u r goin to feel lonely that you are goin away from me too" --she replied  "Being lonely is  not a sin --yes it will pain endlessly but i will adapt--my mind is clear --my path is visible --there is a life to live --lonely or not --i will go on for i know my time is not up ,,,yet "

                                                       --My inspiration  to fight loneliness is her --She lives just 5 hrs from my place --yet i have not seen her for few yrs now we were once close buddies  --i know there is a life to live ---with or without anyone ---I Will !!!

                   

"Suicides ---Something Tht Can Be Prevented If We Could Pay Slight More Attention On Our Loved Ones !!!!

http://www.thehindu.com/todays-paper/tp-national/tp-tamilnadu/article3330462.ece
                                                Yesterday morning in almost most of radio stations --there was a very strong discussion goin on about the increasing number of suicides in our places ,,the above students unfortunate end actually sent mild shock waves around the city as it was the second such suicide in a short time in the same place..Actually what bothered me was some poor ideas and comments passed on by some people who clearly did not understand the need of the hour was not post mortems but preventions .They seemed too excited to discuss the issue in the right sense and it some of them seemed bit silly !!
                                             I heard one person sayin"We should play them holy songs and holy movies ---seemed bit bizarre to me --another person said --"We should get them involved in sports activities"--seriously some were good and some were horrible suggestions ---but for me the basic point was what we do to prevent them ??---No guy or girl wants to be a loner in this world --because no one is born a loner --at some point of time we find sumone to talk ,,to share,,to listen --the thought of failures hits u hard when u have noone to share because there "NEVER IS A ISSUE OF SUMONE SAYIN I HAVE NOTHIN TO SHARE "-the basic problem with people in my part of world with whom i can relate these incidents is everyone of us is too involved in our own issues to note what is happening to the members in our family and in our cirlce.And im not saying all this in philosophical views --i have personally gone through this trauma 10 years back ,i know how exactly it feels to be lost and lonely and moreover "HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO EXECUTE  A PLAN TO KILL ONESELF "

   One day in  November  2002
                           Losing a mother at a young age is in itself a hard truth to swallow but to lose the person who meant the world to me felt like lights had gone out of my life --i struggled to cope up with the reality - i was just 20 that time --the world seemed a scary place ,,very scary to even live --i had no frds to discuss my loneliness --my confusions were confined to myself --i had to take the next step by myself as my family was trying to come in terms with the harsh truth --i tried for the same stupid silly stuff  believing ending ones life is the end of any problem forgetting what a chain of problems it may have catapulted if done so ,,i failed so miserably and i could never fault my family one percent ,,my issue was i was devoid of anyone to speak or know how to feel about a grave loss
                          It was believe me the most scariest difficult thing to imagine let alone doing --no human being will have the guts to do tht once he decides,,we are born like tht ,,,just before that moment of deciding comes thousand vulnerable moments where our heart yearns for one soul to talk ,,to share ,,for sumone to put a shoulder on us and say "It will pass on ,,dont worry "---thts what is probably needed ,,comfort of belief that u are not left alone to take ur own decision when u are at ur vulnerable worst .Loneliness in moments of high discomfort leads to wrong decisions according to me ,,if sumone around you feels left out ,,feels deserted ,just make sure he or she doesnt feel the same for prolonged period of time --and in case of students its even important for frds or family to sit and talk to them about their priorities in life ,,their disappointments should be discussed --and there should be a "COMFORTING HAND ON THEIR SHOULDER AT ANY COST ",i dont believe in showing holy movies or songs or reducing television(?)may help them at stress ,,but comforting words ,a family member who is supportive to the core ,,a true friend,,and  moreover "there is always a angel in every house --the one who brought u to this world --even if world takes u wrong she will never !!

                          
                      I felt very bad and heart wrenching pain when i read abt this stuff in newspaper felt sorry for the girl and this was my feeling and perspective about the stuff ,,not meant to hurt anyones thoughts --my personal wish by this blog is to reiterate that prevention is better than post mortems ,,we have our roles however miniscule it may be --sumtimes it might be the one that saves a life .
                      Suicides is a serious problem in our society but it has a simple solution ---"Everyone one of us taking care of our loved ones at all times"!!!

In Love Of A Lovely Mom !!!

                        Every time i feel lonely ,,lost --one person gives me energy --belief ,trust --probably its the same for every human being who is born on this world --their mom is magical --I thought of writing a few lines on my mom --who continues to motivate me to never give up despite anythin --Love u mom (Pardon me im no means a poet --but to describe a mom u need not be a poet always :):))

                         " The one relationship that seems forever --timeless 

                             the one person for whom i was always ---priceless 

                             the one person whose love seemed -- endless 

                             of all the persons i have seen u remain -peerless "

                                  

                            Lived the life of a ever lasting queen --even married a king rightfully  :)

                            The flowers in the garden were always wishing for your heavenly touch 

                            My Mornings were always beautiful  waking up to ur angelic face

                            Today my mornings without u seems a misty haze !!

                                  

                          " Everything stood still if u wished --u never aged even !

                            Twenty years never seemed enough --heart yearns for more!

                            Probably u gave anger and ego back to god whenu were born!!

                            Not many did tht --God gifted u with everlasting love and happiness!!

                                

                           People stood to admire your smile !!

                          A smile that even death waited for a moment to see that !!

                          You gave everythin what we all wished --you gave what even god wished !!

                          He wished for you to be by his side --anything -anyone asked -u gave !

                                  

                           If only i knew how and why u were like that !!

                           Maybe God took one extra second in creating you !!

                           Magical ,mystical ,startlingly simple amazingly honest !!

                           Truth never hurt you - No one ever cursed you 

                           Love never deserted you--it followed u till ur last!!

                                   

                           Death is the most cruel inevitable part of life 

                           Yet you made even death comfortable --and im sure 

                           Death felt ashamed to take ur noble life long before it was due to end 

                           A whole life with just love and love only !!

                                     

                                  

                            MOM--uttering these words i get tears every single time 

                              Tears --of happiness--of desperation to see u just one more time

                                  More than anything tears saying out loudly

                             "Thank You for giving me a experiencing a life with a angel "

                                                                --  My journey continues with u in heart forever  --

                                                                                         Luv u and Miss u !!!!

                                                                                     

                                   

                                 

  

                               

                               

                                

                                

                                

                                 

                              

"PATIENCE " - If Only I Had More Of That !!!

" Nobody teaches you to be patient --u learn that by yourself   

  Sumthing that is easily achievable but always reluctantly considered  impossible

  if u have patience u may not win the world but u can give urself every chance for all ur dreams "

                                                   

   April 10th ,2012

                           On the face of some grounding humiliation and forced embarassment --the day became a unforgettable one for all the wrong reasons for me ,,,while the reason was nothing new or nothing big to write about --the outcome of that severely hurt my thoughts--After a bad incident people who were present for a  impending good occasion which eventually got called off hours before it was to happen due to fate,,, started wagging their tongues and started abusing impatiently on innocent people who were not responsible for anything--i just thought to myself about a word i wished people gave bit more importance than what it is now---PATIENCE-seems a forgotten word to us in this fast paced world but is it true ?

                            I cant judge the importance of the word through sumone else --I was thinking --How much of importance have i given to tht word ?---the mind rolled back to years on few incidents on how i missed chances of learning the beauty of the word

From School ,

                     Its very funny that u tend to remember the days of ur school than ur college ones more --i could remember vividly my school days --i could not bear a beating to learn a lesson from my 1 st std teacher --so much so i changed my section --i forgot that if i had patience i would have been a better student but as it turned out i messed managing my capabilities to my best ,,,patience was a factor i missed then

A rueful incident --all of impatience

                   "If u dont find a vehicle within next few minutes im leavin"--"No --i will be there soon by sum means "---couple of hrs later i heard the news of the friend ( a amazing,amazing  one) died of a horrible accident --if only i had  given her couple more minutes --maybe things would have been different --again patience was the word i forgot to take note off and eventually paid a big price --a price i feel haunted sumtimes even now--a sense of guilt haunts me still --why could not i have been bit more patient---after all it was of one of the most influential persons of my life -it was a mistake i regret everyday  --the only thing about a mistake is u make sure it never happens again for a second time in my life ---tht incident also taught me abt how  being patient is a huge factor in life .

                   

With MOM-the relentlessly never tiring human beings of this world

                    With mom it was remarkable because i had luxury to be impatient with her always --she was patient personified -nothing i did hurt her --atleast thts what she showed in her life --"Every time she wanted me to become her dream son --i would act as a nightmare to her wishes --yet she was patient enuf to allow me to win then beleiving some day her patience will win and some of her lovely wishes realised ---it did happen eventually --only thing --She was seeing few of her wishes shape up from up above --if only i was patient enuf to see the world through her eyes !!!!

                                   

                      Here now while writing this i can see myself in my past  ruining some priceless moments with my reluctance to be patient --today when all the crap things,ill advised words were thrown around i told myself--"Just be patient --it is a opportunity u r giving urself to get things u wish sumday "---it was perhaps for first time in my life i buried my natural anger and hoped being patient will help in long run

                     

                      Anger ,,Haste ,,Ego ,,Pain ,Love,--we never hesitate to show any of those qualities of our nature --if only we could embrace patience as one among them --life would be a wonderful place than what it seems sumtimes--for me if only i had bit more than what i showed in my life -i would have felt heaven everyday ,every minute of life --learning to be patient is a simple but mystical art --we know how it is done --but we dont  want it to be done ,,,lol ,,,hope tht changes because if that thought changes life changes --im in the process atlast :):)

                       

                

The forgotten beauty of hand written letter or greeting card!!!!

     ***  ( There was more than one reason and hell a  lot of scolding --so im back again :)))***


                             "Written in full heartfelt thanks to my sweet sis hasini --whose handwritten greeting card gave me a much needed uplift to my sagging thoughts "
                          
  " I never knew that day was this good until i saw it 1000 times in my
      Nothing is pointless when u see it 1000 times in ur memory ---for when
         I saw 1001th time i knew i was not just seeing it --i was feeling it :)"
                
                                                                The first time i fell in love with  written words was when i read these words in a paper handwritten so beautifully --i felt so happy seeing it and im talking abt sumthing a decade before !!! Yes  In a era when there was not much mail in use ,,when landline phones were still prominent --time has changed now --hardly anyone writes these days --its just mails --but trust me its sumother feeling to see sumone writing for you --it is probably the only time when u never analyse sumones handwriting rather just take sumones love to heart and fall into a world where there is only happiness --undeniable happiness

                                                             I hardly have 10 written letters and very few greeting cards written in hand -yet they are my most priceless collection --recently when i was struggling to get myself up -- i received a beautiful card written with love --it changed my life again postively again..it does have a huge impact to see sumone taking even a minute to think abt u --thts the purpose of hand written letters ---it gives untold  happiness .
                                                           In this egostic world --noone is spared to live without fights or misunderstanding ---and at the same time some real love goes unexpressed for a lifetime--A hand written letter might solve many things --help u break ice ---form sumthing lifelong ---I know u wont believe it ---do it once and see the results
                                                        " Our entry and exit in this world may be a lonely one--never choose loneliness whilst u live --a handwritten letter to sumone u love always helps u to rule out that option for life --try it to beleive it ---its a simple magic but a mesmerising one "
          
                                               
      
   

Bye Bye to Blogging and Writing --Its been a pleasure every moment,Now to life without writing :)!!!

" To every one of my pals and ppl who made my blogging  experience a very special one -A Big Thanks "

 "Exactly One year of living the passion i loved ---still have the passion endlessly but no motivation though  :)
        For every few of u who supported and my king bhai --Dipu and Seema gilly --a heartfelt thanks

           Its been a dream --an amazing one sharing some of my most vivid memories and happenings of my life  --right now im strugglin to find one good reason to continue tht --hopefully in future if i have one good reason to start again  -  I Will!!! 
            
     As they say "Never say Never for anything as long as u r alive - Who knows ??"
                              ----- To be continued probably sumtime ---
                                                 Lots of love --Shan!!!!!
                     
                      

A hard truth from a funeral i attended recently !!!

                "Till Ashes without guilt -without fault-with just unfading true love-- Im scared of the next morning without u --death came empty handed and took away almost  ur dreams --the ones remaining will be mines from now on -What a wunderful life u had !!"

                                                   ---- Many years ago when my wunderful mom passed away when i first encountered the pain of a  funeral in close quarters --sumhow it brought a chill in my spine everytime ever after i went to a funeral ,,As u grow old it is sumtimes inevitable to be part of births and deaths of ur known circle ,recently had been to a funeral of a frds dad .
                                                            He was a fierce person ---sticking to his principles and eventually cared less for his wife ,,he had a daughter and a son ---though i were never close to enough to know the truths of his meticulous life --i had a sneaky feeling he never wanted to reveal the truths to anyone --a retired govt employee ---he was above middle class--he had enough money not to go for another job --on the day of sudden demise due to poor health check ups and sudden heart failure --he was admitted in hospital --for 3 days ---he was not properly seen by any of his family members---when eventually he passed away--people hardly felt his absence --instead his own wife for 40 odd years did not shed a tear -- they were soon discussin how to share his savings and though it did not startle me because in todays fast world that paper with numbers matters most --not whats inside the human body --"MONEY WINS HANDS DOWN OVER HEART "
                                                               On the way back i thought --A good man,,what was his life about ---if he could not make two people feel his absence ---he must have led a very sad lonely life with many hidden truths which now had gone with him-- Did he not give himself another opportunity to live differently??--"Its one thing feeling lonely and  another thing to be ignored by your ppl -- sadly i felt the latter  seein his family act made me feel the same way abt him"--Anyhow i wished his soul rest in peace beacause he was a good man at heart
                                                               There was a chilling truth --i had witnessed my own moms life and another wunderful persons life in close quarters ---unfortunately had to lose them and few others -In hindsight what is the best possible way of living your life?- i felt the best possible way to live a life is to atleast live without guilt and minimum fault--thats in our control always --to earn those two people in life sumtimes matters because it may well take a lifetime --i again got a chill in a spine in another funeral ,,i know this is not a feel good blog but its sumthing to realise whom to priortise in life and wht to give imporance in life --heart over money anytime for me  
                                                          Sighning off with few  lines which i wrote for a 10 yr old angel few yrs before on her last day in this world

                                 "Farewell little girl --u showed me life is all about belief over reality ,Love over mind ,,Smile over pain ,memory over time ,,hope over death --god will be refrshed by your pure soul and i envy u for ur faultless life --always "
         
 Still on search for those two people in ma life too ,,, hopefully sumday soon the search might end !!!!  -----:):)

                                            

Happy Bday Dipu ---Seeing Never Matters --Feeling Does -U R Proof For That !!

    "Dedicated to my brother -one of my best friends - "My  Brave Unarmed Warrior against Fate To U  Sandeep--Happy Bday  Bhai!!"
               
      "  Stars Twinkle in distance --sumtimes the heart yearns to touch them
          you can never do tht ---nor can u stop seeing them in night -like stars
          sum people keep staying  in your lives despite everything "
                                       
                                                            Ever since the beginning of the 2000s the usage of computers became a compulsive one for youngsters all around the world --the world was never the same place --my remembrance of the my first tryst with it was bad ,,i never liked it --but with typical mindset of a young guy whose only notion to use the computer was to try to find sumone of opposite gender and have a good time,i went about learning to use it for fun -my first experience with sumone ended pretty badly --my happy dreams came to thundering halt --from then on i decided its not the way to look upon this online frdship thing --tht was around 2002-03 time --almost a decade back
                                                            Admittedly being incharge of a concern gave me time to still make frds in  yahoo ids --when social networking sites were not  prominent  --then came the existence of ORKUT --the world  seemed so different and i made friends like anything --once in my account i had 550 frds and 8000 odd scraps,i --i felt everythin was good but --then again the  real  spark was missing ---i felt the question "Does these online frdships mean anything at all other than fun?"-then i started to give a honest attempt in trying to find more meaning in them because sumthing in me told i could connect with ppl i never met than i did with people i met everyday here and being in a job where i need to interact with 100s of  people in a day it seemed odd
                                                       Life after 2005 changed for good --i met some amazing ppl --the amazement at the first interaction i had with this brother of me -Sandeep --still remains after nearly 6 years --i never had a younger brother before --i never had the feeling that i never had one after knowing this guy ---u might wonder whats the big deal ?---I HAVE NOT SEEN THIS GUY EVEN ONCE -yet i never felt tht --neither his absence in real day to day life affected me even for a minute in all these years of knowing him -the amazement still remains every bit even now -the support --the care the love --the amazing belief and beyond that ,,the trust that makes me feel sumtimes that im a blessed guy to have come to know such a guy in my life
                                                      The important point in a relationship or a frdship is to have trust that the other person will not let you down at ur moment of despair,will enjoy your happiness with uninhibited joy --that despite the odd dispute ,,few fights --few arguements -few ego clashes --DESPITE EVERYTHIN-u never give up the relationship that made you smile ,,that made u feel heaven for few moments --that made u feel u r not lonely --is what any relationship is about --it is precisely why even not seeing each other every day does not matter--sumtimes the truth is

                     "The heart does not need to see sumone to feel happy --even mere hearing sumone  or reading few lines from them makes ur heart feel the happiest -there in lies  the secret of enjoying life in such relationships and frdships  "

                                                       Yes i have been fortunate enuf to have handful of great ppl  like tht  -my effervescent  soulmate from  ,,another everlovely brother   ,,a inspirational girl ,a bubbly girl who has gone through so much torture are some of the people that come to my mind--they remain the pillar of support in my life which is haunted by loneliness but sparked by these people and just a few others --so i do have every reason to feel positive abt the relaionships even though there are few negative points of them --the eventual presence has made a big difference in my life

Happy Bday Daps (Belated wishes .lol)

                                                       "Nobody symbolises the relationship in my life more than you do-Sandeep --despite evrythin that has happened ---despite huge obstacles --despite endless hurdles --u  have been the best brother you could be --could not have asked for anythin more --if anybody proved that with utmost sincerity it was u bro with  -true love--unrelenting support --showing endless grit --maturity beyond years and beyond everythin not failing the trust i kept on u and repaying that with even more trust and belief --i m indebted and thanful  to u for my whole life --even this blogsite which has finally fulfilled my 20 odd years dream which may very well have been till my life was undeniably the best gift i have got in my life---Wishing you all the best in your life especially on the doorsteps of becoming a father --that kid could not have a better human being as father --no words are enuf to write abt one of my all time best friends --the ones who know u will acknowledge the fact --Happy Bday my "Priceless Prince"may u keep fighting till ur last and may few other people know how good u r as i do !!
                                                      For those of you in the beginning stage  of any online realationship or frdship --my  advice from personal experience is ---just go by what ur heart feels and never go by what your eyes want to see --seeing hardly matters--ever --have trust beyond practical impatience--have belief beyond incidents --trust your heart to create some magical unforgettable memories in ur life --it will happen --miracles do happen ---i just wished one of the miracles in my life a slightly belated bday wish --yes the bday was on 16th ---now u know what i meant by practical impatience --lol --catch u soon !!

" Life is All About Having Hope "

        "All i wish is one drop of love again --maybe its the beginning of a ocean i so dearly yearn for" 

 
           ("Dedicated To My Luvely  Soulmate and   Unforgettable Neha -Two really spl ppl whom im no more in touch but wish it will change sumday :)")

                                  "Dude if u r gettin married as and when if it happens --how much crowd u expect to come since u have been having quite a good circle for long time ---my frd asked--i replied "I dont know buddy -what u see is all im assured of (I was standing alone at tht time)-right now i dont know whether my shawdow will come with me --but all i want is ppl wishing me sumwhere heartingly)        
                                               
                                   On the walk in the shores of beach i have probably never felt so deserted and a feeling of  uneasy silence followed --u can fight words with words --what do u fight silence with ??? ,I remember walking in the same shores of beach as a school kid 15 years or so back --dancing playing in the beach shores with my family with frds --endless smiles --the night seemed so beautiful then never ending --i loved my legs becomin so sand dragged in water --i felt so happy then unknowingly --the innocence of youth where u never need a reason to smile !!

                                                   Returnin back tonite the same spot -15 long years later ---standing at the same time in evening --with my feet again in bit of sand and water --seeing the beach i had a cold feeling --now this point i was standing with myself alone with the same place i was with a huge family crowd ebbing ,,playing --it all flashed in a moment --now im searchin  even my shawdow  --the moonlight seemed dimmed than before though truth is it never lost it gloss --my vison had changed -my priorities had changed --my preferences had changed --one thing that has not changed is my love -- i read sumwhere sumtime back

                 "   You   are born out of love of two people --love will be with u all life -accepting or denying is  your wish --erasing is not though -it will always be in u !!"

                   "     The problem of getting close-- too close is u cant distance yourself enuf to know how far u can be apart --for when u do the truth hurts --sumtimes even bitter but time teaches you sumthing -a very important lesson --

                            "If u r forced to leave sumone u r too close  never force urself to forget that person"

                                    U never will because the memories ,the fun ,,the smiles ,,the tears will remain with u even if not the person ,,this aint no advice --100 % own experience --Myself had been a prime example of forming some frdships and relationships that had skyrocketed to dizzy heights --i never imagined after goin to that heights i will look back ---but fate made me do so and i also "STARTED FALLING FROM THERE:-believe me when u r too close and tht much on top of world --u r destined to fall and the effects of tht fall--the pain--the tears ,,a sense of lost feeling is too hard to digest for a normal human being ---probably we ar programmed to love people we like but we are given our choices to get how close we want -except for one or two ppl in life gettin too close is always "too close for comfort in life".
                                    I realised with the water hitting in my shirt that i was stuck there for long time to realise tht --the memories took me long than i thought --boy --losing some marvellous people took matter of minutes and days --to find them it took years---i realised one truth --"tryin to forget them is the wrong thing and sumthin impossible "--and finally thanked the beach--i dont remember one other companion in my life who never complained --never expected --always listened to my hearts words "--i walked back seeing some kids enjoyin in the sand and water --i had the same but i had something else too in my heart --which felt light on the way back  "
                                  (Not all wishes are fulfilled in a lifetime --not every love story becomes a reality -not every smile is of happiness--but " no love is a false one"--its always better to leave a wobbly  beautiful story with hope midway  than to end it with hatred -if u cant forgive never forget atleast "-hoping personally that mine will go in the same way too)
                                  
                            

A Unforgettable Letter Of Love !!!

                  Its Valentines day ,,a letter showing a girls  true love for a guy that went unfruiful --yet the girls way of seeing life --seeing love --always being positive to life--was  a inspiring person in my life

   Monday Feb 13,2006

   My Dear Luv ,

                        Been a long while ,3 months 24 days since i last saw u --tht was the last time i had happiness my heart refused to forget , From the moment i met you in that unforgettable rainy night --i knew this was the soul my heart yearned to meet --"to ask is to expect--to deny is a sin -to make u  accept was a impossiblity --but my happiness is forever same --everything else freezes when i m with u" --my mom left me before i knew the world --my dad refused to accept me into his world --i grew up with no apparent reason -- until that rainy night when i found a reason --reason to believe u can live a life u wish if you are brave enuf to come out of the miseries surrounded by u

                      How tough it is to love sumone who likes you but doesnt love u ---its never difficult for me i guess--loving came naturally to me ---u never forced me --that moment --this life --this lovely feeling is all mines --u dont live twice in a same life--i did --once for 20 odd years a life with no happiness but the next few with all the more i can ask for --its a beautiful feeling --if its a bubble i will live in it till eternity ---"I feel to expect luv back for luv is a crime --if it happens im the most happiest person in world --if it doesnt its alright -i know i was taught that not all arrows  reach the exact right destined spot ,,its not my mistake then maybe god was too busy he forgot to write my story as he wished --hes loaded with so much work i can understand ---no complaints

                      "Generally a dream ends when u wake up--for me im living in my dream---i was alive when i met u--but after meeting u i realised i was only half alive---every day,every minute ,i live now is like a beautiful dream --it has only happiness in it---if this is dream i never wanna wake up" --never felt so wonderful as i have felt in last couple of years --For me my luv came through rain --the breeze never seemed colder that night in rain --it was probably the only time my heart commanded my mind --and my mind accepted ---i smiled happily --i have not stopped being happy ever since --ur anger --ur remarks --ur ego --nothing has hurt me because u have not denied me yet--im in ur life --my life is all urs --my dad still doesnt care about me --but thats ok --he has his own wishes --maybe i never fulfilled his wishes --"i never saw life with the pessimistic glasses --this life is all i have --this luv is all i can give  --this happiness is my gift from god  --i dont wanna waste every moment feeling otherwise -- For me regretting   is  like license to fail in life ,to fall in love is like taking escalator to eternal happiness --u will know tht sumday --surely "!!

                       "If i never meet you again i wanna let you know just one thing ---i had in my life  the thing the whole world goes searchin ,,a search some find and others never -that night-the rain,,the dream ,,the happiness came ,,settled in my life  and never left .

                       "Never regret a moment in this life -never deny love --never find fault in others for leaving--never get stuck with harsh truths --find a false lie to make u happy than a  harsh truth --u might need all this with me or without me "

                       " I love you lot --hell a lot ---god gave me a beautiful life --a beautiful u--if the next moment is my last i will embrace death with a smile and show it that i lived a life that will never die as long as the world exists of my honest and never ending "Love"!!

                                            Without you now  --with love forever!!!

                                                                                     Ever lovingly

                               

                                                    From a known persons diary (published  with due permission from the lovely person )-who was honestly the best writer i have known and my biggest inspiration for words --and probably the best girl who symbolised the word "LOVE"

                       

Life Seems Always Interesting One Way Or Other:)

 "Life always offers the doors to our wishes --its us who always seem to choose the wrong keys!!!"

                                           
                             Few days back  --while i was annoyed at events that were taking place in a non linearway pointing alarmingly to bad times --i asked myself "Why cant life be just fair "it seems sumwhere the balance appears awry ,,why is that so ?
                              Maybe in angst and depressing frustration sumtimes that comes in our lives we miss the true facts that lies right in front of our eyes ,,that we infact change the question for our need and not answer the right question "Have we been fair to our life"--"Have we been fair enuf to accept the mistakes and correct them "--To say "i never make mistakes "is like saying "Im a robot --Im always in autopilot mode --destined to do the right things "--To blame others for excruciating pain created by ourselves is like searching water in a empty well to quench our thirst.
                             What prevents us from answering that question is simple ---"Plenty of Anger ,,Plenty of Ego ,,Endless greed to earn more" ---Yep ---I m also in that category --I still have so much anger dying to get out of me ----a ego which always seems be  a untamed monster and a normal human beings greed to money --to be frank ---by tryin to conquer all these i have failed falling flat on my face,,i have not been fair to my life --i have not done what i was destined --i have failed to conquer my ego ---even to my dear frds,,my sisters ---i have prided unknowingly my ego over love --i have not become what my life offered me -life asked me to become sumone i could --i became ultimately what my family,,surroundings and situations wanted --not what life had for me -by gods grace and a wunderful supportive people around me i made sure my path was not a bad one after all ---but still "Life offered me a path with a garden full of flowers i wished but i refused to tht --why complain then"
                              Life doesnt care whether u r careless ,,innocent or arrogant-Just a "yes" or " no"--it offers everythin --manipulating them to our needs and situations is our mistake--If i chose from what i have been offered i would have had a luvely person near me while i write this not a demon called "Loneliness"--If i chose to be different i would have made the wishes of my remarkable mother realities ,,,If i chose to be different i would have not hurt people i loved so much and left them sumwhere hoping "I wish,,,,,," ,,"If i was not so sensitive i would have had the life for ages that i was so desperately near "---But despite the flaws ,the mistakes i make and made --i knew i m not the only one in this world --its a marvellous thrill a minute journey where the next minute is a puzzle u wish was not --thats why its a challenge to live through this tough times -it always seems interesting one way or the other :)

"Life might seem unfair always --but in truth it isnt --it offers you time though limited,ability though hidden,dreams that pushes u to achieve them--what more can u ask "
                       

A Interesting Story Abt " Laughing Buddha "!!!!

  " When u were there i was never tired of seeing u smile for 20 years it worked wonders

          Now i see your picture and see that same smile and it still works wonders "

                  With you and that everlasting smile my journey goes on ,,,,,,,

                          -- To my mom whose smile i have kept as a priceless gift god gave me

           

                            Dont know abt others for me the most tireless thing to watch is sumones true smile - thats when this idea of blog came to mind --the statue of "Laughing Buddha "comes to my mind when i think abt the word smile ---it was sumthing i used to make fun abt tht statue calling it as "dhonthi buddha "in my young age ,,i used to see it in almost many houses ,,only recently i got to know why the statue is referred as laughing buddha --The word "Buddha"means "One who is to awake "

                         This person on who the laughing buddha title was given  is said  to be a chinese monk-named "Budai" --said to have lived a life full of happiness and   extreme satisfaction of being funny all his life and there is a interesting story which is told about his death i quote from a excerpt in a book 

               "  The monk had asked his family that when he dies that he need not be washed before being burnt --eventually when he died of old age after a life filled of complete joy as he wished --he was not washed but when he was burnt as the customary ritual ,,ppl heard crackers burst around his body ,,he had crackers tied with his body at the time of death and thats why he asked not to be washed ,,ppl in his death smiled happily on seeing that --its how the story goes that here was a man who lived a happy life despite anythin and even in his death made ppl laugh --it is believed by having his statue  our lives will be filled of happiness,it is beleived rubbing his belly would bring good luck,wealth and prosperity ----so obviously the statue is more than a fat funny bald old man statue as i perceived then  --there is sumthin we could take from his life if we are prepared too.

                 We dont stop to see good things -we find time to discuss one bad thing for yrs  ,,we dont find a reason to smile but we shed tears for a useless reason,,there is always a funny person in every one of us --if we could find that part of us and live life like tht then we could someday understand the real presence of the laughing buddha statue --a true story in itself to behold --"if only we could enjoy life like that --and thats a big if "-lol

Cheers 

"Im Happier Than Yesterday --All I Ask Is The Same For Life "

          " Life is quite mysterious --the next moment always seems a mystery "

                                    Been a long while or so it seems since i blogged --Sick ,Sick ,Sick--literally thats what i have been all the past few months ---today morning i went out after a long time to one of places i used to visit long time back even before i had moved to chennai
                                     Moving along the streets after a visit to church i used to visit --i was walking along the shop side of streets--have to mention sumthin here --it was same place i had roamed around 7  odd years  or so  before on newyears eve with few of my frds whom i have completely lost touch now--during that time with  just  pure exuberance of enjoying life not knowing what is right or wrong --we actually hit upon tht side during wee hrs of new yrs eve ,parying crazily if i have to put it in right words :)---few of my  frds (not all of us ) who were supposedly"high" took the garlands from roadside shops  and threw in air --enjoyin the moment and picking quarrels with ppl over there --mainly ladies  were there  as  shopkeepers,,,when i was walking today i had no idea of those incidents until i met a old lady who kept gazin me for sumtime

Where r ur "high "frds --coming behind u?
                                     she asked i was blinkin at her --she asked --me ?--you only --i remember u very wel and ur great friends --they all ruined our  beginning of a new year many years back --how can i forget tht ? --then i remembered wht she was saying is true --i hardly remembered her face from tht incident ,,,,i was standing expressionless--"im sorry for u to remember me like tht "--she said ---"its ok i remember you well of that small girl who accompanied you --she asked to pay for us and you did "when your friends were still fighting with me --i have forgiven and  forgotten all of them --i forgave you then not because of your money but because of that girl --shes your small sister na ?hows she--convey regds to her -she was so beautiful --still remember her face --i replied nothing --just smiled and said you are a nice person and a lucky one too---so only u r blessed to be so near of god selling this garlands .,,
                                       
A true realisation,
                             As i moved along the street i asked myself a weird question "How do i remember some of my close  people --do i remember them the way like the old lady did of me --- that of my frds,,my sisters,my relations  --- with "ill feelings ??
                             it was very difficult question--but there was sumthing my mother used to teach me when i was young---if u want to know what your heart thinks about sumone --just close your eyes and see what image u get of that person--tht is the true reflection of what your heart thinks "--she was marvellous because from my young age i had and have this problem of trying to figure out the real importance of a person who is close to me --i invaraibly lost person after person due to this confusion---today i decided to do the same test"I CLOSED MY EYES AND THOUGHT ABT THE PERSONS WHOM I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT MY HEART THINKS ---AND ALL I COULD REMEMBER   OF THEM WAS SMILES AND HAPPY MOMENTS  SHARED TOGETHER AS A SLIDE SHOW "--I knew at that very instant when i opened my eyes --i have had a pretty good life till now no matter how bad it appears-no matter how lonely i feel at times,,,no matter how sick i have been falling lately ---nothin has really made me develop a "ill"feeling towards any of them that is a special feeling not everyone is blessed ,,,as i came back and put my cd player on in my car --the song "Tere Hone Laga Hoon"played ---i smiled endlessly !!

           "I felt happier than yesterday i ask only tht for the remainder of my time"
Cheers ,,,c ya soon