Those "Special"People Are One Among Us !!!!

                                                          As usual on one of my regular visits to theatre i had booked ticket for a movie virtually to kill time ,,i was just gettin into theatre to find my seats ,,i saw a scene which initally made my eyes shrink in seeing sumthing different in a multiplex theatre ,,i saw a handicap person who was unable to walk and had his hands also sort of immobile ,,he was brought in a wheel chair and was accompanied by two persons in their mid 30s and the person himself was around 30 year mark.

                                                          I was thinking on the moment i saw them ,,,"God why to embarass such people by bringing to such crowded places"" Are they out of senses - why cant they get him a dvd and ask him to watch movie in house--now how people will laugh at them,,look at them ",,all this crossed my mind ,but the glitz and glamour wolrd of enjoyin hifi timeout takes your mind of reasonin and anythin reasonably close to that,,all u wander around is to notice people who want to get noticed or be the ones who dress to be noticed by others ,rarely do we think abt sumthing properly in such places.

                                                        Coming back every 15 minutes my attention turned towards the person,he was right in the midst of mid walkin staircase in theatre ,he watched movie from there only ,and in interval i accidentally got logged behind them in tight crowd in small exit door ,,i could see the two people who brought him were absolutely making sure the person  was comfortable being with them and never showed any discomfort about being in a crowd   where strangers like me were  watchin them lift the respected handicapped person from the wheel chair  in their hands to goto canteen and get what he wanted ,,they cracked jokes ,,smiled happily ,,,,the person was in perfect senses ,,only thing he was immobile ,,it all made me realise what a fool i was with my thought in first place,

                                                        I could not watch the movie which was average one,and the fact was  i was not in great mood to watch ,i desperately called one of my closest friends to get some fresh air to my mind ,,added to the fact it was not great day ,,i felt bit ashamed for takin such a shoddy remark  on those people in the theatre,i just envisoned for a minute to be tht person---if i was him would i expect to sit in house and expect people to pity me and let me be like tht till the day i die ?Certainly not ,,,,i would like to be treated as a normal person is rather than be pitied for no fault of mine ,,,thts what i felt ,,and tht crap movie i was watchin went out of my mind,,the people who smiled with that handicapped person ,,the people who first of all decided they will take him to the theatre ,not thinkin they are superior to the handicapped person just because they had everythin he did not have physically (which is what i felt for sumtime before realisin how stupid it was ) and  more than that help him  in any way they could  to live a normal life like them,,they SEEMED LIKE REAL HEROES TO ME 

                                                      We see every handicap person ,,or someone affected by sumthin in crowded places or in any place first thing we do is we pity them ,,i seriously dont know why we cant treat them as we treat others ,,me including ,,we cant give a smile to them ,,we give a horrendous facial expression as i did in theatre ,,we treat them as aliens ,,we gaze them as human beings who have a seperate world and act as if they dont belong here 

                                                     I decided the next time i see sumone like tht anywhere im not gona give a shockin expression,,the best i can do is be normal ,,,they dont need our pitiful expression,,they need our solid acceptance that they live in a world where everyone lives and that they will have a life they wish with all our wishful support ,,i do feel strictly from my heart that these are small changes that we never even give a thought in our hectic day to day life-"these are not changes tht we can do ,,these are changes that we must do "--respecting others as they are as they are and appreciating the people who proudly do day in day out the job of makin such "special"persons life sumthin worth for what they entered this world ,,lets accept the fact that its no easy work out there to be so and help those special persons , ,,,those "special" persons  are one among us ,,lets make them feel that whenever a time arises ,i promise to not being so stupid again,,,i know people who r reading this are smarter than me ,:)

Cheers

"I have my dreams ,my goals--it all starts here with you"

                                    " I have my dreams ,my goals ,,it all starts here with you"

                                                        Last year has been sumwhat a time of gruelsome truths being told in a manner that is too volcanic for a normal guy like me ,,normal in the sense im reactive to situations and affected by shocking truths ---two of my friends --whom i knew for nearly 20 years went for choosin the life partner chosen by family ,,married in grand way and sort of felt they had settled for good ,,within six months one of them had his life torn apart as it became a wrong matching of two souls unfortunately--he was in very high reputed position--was on the doorsteps of becomin one of pillars of is company,,this marriage ruined him to a level where he lost his job and refused to see anyone much ,,its been months since i have known his wherebouts

                                                            The other one ,,a more subtle guy with nothin but soft nature as his identity ,,ended up in cross roads --he again got derailed in his ambitions and when i last met him said to me "i dont know where i go from here"---Seriously that was as apt an statement he could have given to explain where he has been left stranded by his fate that or  by his reluctance to search for sumone or try to look around  before takng the big step?i asked myself this unknowingly when sumthing happened today mornin in a fun cht with a close friend.

                                                           One of my frds played  me around with this sayin in cht  to "see sumone seriously"--"be selfish and  mean now "or u will be a idiot for lifetime -not the first time he has done so but when he did today it felt different  --though im sumone who believed love or arranged marriages-- its  all a matter of how good u adjust after marriage  is what matters,,things certainly look a lot different of that view now ,,i have never loved anyone or thought even ,,that was long before all these happened ,i have had people come and go in my life knocking my doors in that section occasionally in my mind,,,but should i reconsider now ?probably its late?lot of questions ran over in my mind --well the fact is  i decided to be open minded and take life step by step and not have a pre determined notion on anythin--its better late than never (who knows sumone might be rolling in my mind -lolz)

                                                        " Where do i go from here " --tht frd asked me --i know the answer now i feel --its not abt where u go --its abt with whom u go ---that matters ,,,i could get what my friend meant by sayin be selfish and mean ---he meant what i might be seen if i go out of the way from my surroundings to find sumone ,it might sound bad but down the line on the base of a sucessful life all those notions might get washed away and the probability  of us realising our dreams from childhood will be boosted ,motivated ,,and most importantly understood by sumone we choose ,,sum defy their fate to get what they wish ,,others just become the reason why the very few defy the fate,,

                                                         There was a time when i used to think "why the hell u want to ruin ur family ,frds and surroundings for one girl"---now i realise with tht one girl ---we can build a whole empire ,,bring back back that whole family ,frds surroundings with her ,,without her the goals ,,the dreams ,,ur identity ,,almost everythin what u want to be will be just a unfulfilled dream ,a journey cut off in midway ,how long you are goin to travel in your life depends on whom u choose ,

                                                   There was a time i was completely alien to this concept ,,whilst i have seen some unfortunate examples i have seen more than couple of great exmples where my frds defied every other obstacle ,and were selfish and mean to get that sumone,,,they got married among huge displeasure from family to all quarters but in their heart they knew it was the right person,,gettin her in any way was the right way ,,to them tht particular person was worth beyond anythin in the world ,,today i could see them  how they r proved right by choosing them ,,

                                                      Sumtimes during forlorn times when u look at urself u mite feel damn so low when u have none --its all the more a lonely journey with no belief  from then on ,,but imagine that with sumone beside u who knows the pain of it ,,,who is ready to accompany u  to any journey with you ,,any predicament with you --the belief to reach beyond our destinations beyond our allocated distance by god will be motivated by them beyond words,, Dont  wait, analyse ,be reluctant or try to be a saint for the world to appreciate - finally u will be a loser to the core

                                                      If u r seen as selfish,mean ,bad,,doesnt matter ,,IF YOU LOVE SUMONE OR AT BEST LIKE SUMONE MORE THAN OTHERS -JUST GO FOR IT !!!

Cheers!!!

 

Create a world your heart picturises!!

                                       "Our heart wants to us to make our own choices

                                        Life pushes us to make compromises on choices"    

                         

           I was asked by a friend who knew my situations and my heart well "U cant do what u like ?cant u choose the girl whom u like ?Cant u say ur true thoughts to sumone whom u like--Why buddy  ?Well i stared at him not answerin anythin-for only i know the reasons for being so --i was given  a family that even god felt jealous --i had my tough situations --- The fact is i know i did not  listen to my heart --i can never probably create a world my heart wants because i stopped listening to it wantedly many yrs back

                                                       At this wee hours of the night ,,i just got a thought regarding these  things--Have i been a good son --good bro --good frd?--the answer to all these may vary and can be answered by sumone else or few other people concerned --but there is a one question tht only i can answer --have i been a listener to my heart?No,,, i can say situations never allowed me to think about listening --but surely i would have had opportunities to sit and listen to my heart --as would everyone of us at some point of life 

                                                       We write off our hearts voice as dreams that can never be fulfilled--From a personal point of view im saying this --i stopped listening to my heart from the moment i saw sumone from the family shed a tear for sumthin important many yrs back --i have never listened to what my heart yearns ever since that for my attention ---it has never happened --for more than a decade --the price for being so is also sumthing very high -- "Your  heart will cry through your eyes" !!

                                                                            Adjustments can be made in every department to shield ourselves from listening --like if u choose a proffesion by compulsion of family and surrounding --u say to urself --oh ya its good money and better future than what i want --there starts the shutting of door to our hearts ,,from then on we become experienced enuf to make our hearts listen to our minds --im not sayin its entirely wrong --its alrite to goon -but there will be a time in our lives when we get the feelin like Why i did not do that then? well i know only very few of us have the guts to go against the family ,surrounding , to create a world with the  wishes that their  heart picturises

                                                                          From work to love or  life as whole --nothing seems to be of our choices-it all seems just out of compromises -with work its fine --as far im concerned --a work tht gives u decent living and satisfied enviroment is nothin to be worried off--but it does matter when it comes tour life partner --ur better half --and probably the most important person in your life--dont think many of us understand the magnamity of listening to what ur heart wants  and rather it always ends up whats the world around us wants ,we marry the person they feel suitable --its nevr the case of whom we feel as suitable and we compromise it for anybody they choose can be acceptable ,,from proffesion to life its never ending

                                                                         You can be a great son ,,can be a great brother ,can be a frd noone else could have imagined ,,but take five minutes from your busy schedule for the day and answer whether you have created the world your heart picturises every day,Have you been yourself what ur heart wanted to be?,,the answer including my case mostly is a big "No" --i just fit into sumone else picturisation of my life and make the best efforts to look the best part to fit that role ,,but deep down i know my heart is still keeing on askin me "listen to me once"--it has never stopped askin for long time --but as i said "we compromise ourselves for others to feel better when we feel worse "--sumtimes its better to remember that deep down the line if we dont listen to  what our heart wants we will regret our whole life as such!

                                                                       In some cases it might seem we are hurting our closed ones by doing so -but in reality with help of time and sucess in what we have chosen --our closed ppl will understand that its sumtimes best to leave ppl to create their own world in their own ways ,,the most sucessful people in history would have best listeners of their hearts first and then practical exhibitionist of them to the world ,,we take their lives as examples ,,its time we realise what took them there --they were probably allowed to create their world of their choice --they eventually became benchmarks in history--we might not be them --but we might be ourselves if we do listen to our hearts,,maybe i will  also give a  go in near future who knows whats in store? -trust me,, --try tht once u will never regret for tryin!!

Cheers

The joy of making others happy - is a feeling beyond comparison!!!

                                       "   Happiness is sumthin everyone wants
                                          Lets make our efforts to make tht possible

                                          After all there is rainbow only if there is rain :)"
                                     

           A few years back i was pulled by my friend to come along with her to a orphanage home,i was sumone who did not believe in these much and went reluctantly just expecting to kill time ,,we got over there and the moment we entered into that home seeing those kids flashing wonderful smiles which i felt odd at tht time ,,i was just seein quizzically at her --and i just stayed there for some time and went back to my place,,on the way back i asked the question--Whats the thing u get out of this ?dont tell me age old philosophies --I got a smile back and she said to me --U will find out yourself sumday --im not sayin anythin,
                                                            We went back to the same place few months later and tht time it was a occasion to celebrate a bday --i immediately went there --said that im sponsorin for the day for food ,,with a very prideful look,,then i expected the kids to see me as some great person for doing that,,that was how i frankly viewed at that time,,i saw my friend --and she said angrily I should have never brought u here --i was taken back by tht --i said why--u r seein yourself as a a saviour of them for the day --they are not begging to you --u r sharin wth them what u have --If u cant realise that u will never realise the importance of making sumone happy in your life "the conversation ended over there with me gazin over the window in anger

                                                             Fast forward life now --i go to different orphanage homes and i see in admiration and awe the peopleinvolved in running such organisations work with relentless sincerity -im now a regular visitor ,,now the friend is not there to teach me  why im here---the kids still smile --but now it doesnt seem odd --it seems natural,beautiful,,and i feel it is necessary to share what u have and rather not feel u r giving to the needy ,At this point of life i know im being left lonely --but i dont feel im lonely when im with these people ,,Sumone asked the same question  i asked my frd thn--Why u wanna waste ur time and money on these things--my answer now was "If i could i should share,,period"
                                                            Every individual knows where he stands at certain point of life --i know where im standing --Today i have handful frds to talk,,i make a point to enjoy their birthdays more than mines ,,,make them smile happily when im with them albeit for few minutes--i make a point i goto helping homes on  few occasions --all this for what?--To make sumone happy is not a easy task,,ur money wont buy that,,ur anger words cant buy that ,,ur pleading request wont make them either --its sumthing tht we dont realise how hard it is ,,Today i realise im no great person as i so stupidly saw then--im a ordinary pedestrian who has his own duties to fulfil but at the same time i have my duty to share what i could --mite be minimal but necessary
                                                          There is lot of things we do to earn money endlessly--we hardly realise as long world exist money will keep revolving --but once our times runs out its not the money tht we have earned tht is passed on to the next generation--give your share to the people who u wish to see happy ,,they will do it to their closed  circle --it will be a endless cycle --a chain tht will go on till the world exist--ur share might be minimal but lets not be the ones who break the chain,,yes i run after money now also ,,yes i will run after that all my life--thts nature of human beings --but i realise tht happiness created by us therby bringing a smile to sumone is beyond comparison to any feeling in this world --sum of us do tht to our family--sum do that to our lover ,,to our beloved life partner --im sure every time we do that we feel our hearts very light and the world so much a better place to live in--maybe it mite seem for moments --trust me --when u think about it u will have a self satsfaction that nothin else brings to u
                                                         There is nothing wrong in goin on for our essential things in life--its sumthin that will never end --but along the way make sure u pause for sumtime and  remember the few beautiful moments tht we created for others to be happy ,,surely there will be few for everyone --it sumtimes is a magical feeling tht cant be explained in words but best expressed by having a smile thinkin abt it ,,dont believe me ??do it for sumone or sum people --then u will know it urself --Just  remember never forget to do your share in making others lives beautiful -the world will be  a better place to live for everyone --Cheers!!!

You Will Be A Winner Sumday!!!!

                "The world rememebers always the winners--the world wont remember losers like us"--this was said by my short  time known frd,when a conversation came regarding my questions --Why life sucks buddy?Why we needed to be seen as losers always ?--he just replied "We r just born to do our roles ,as losers we enter we will leave so" ,and had a hearty laugh--to be frank the guy was tryin to end any purpose of living for a reason by sayin tht ,,i did not argue with him beyond tht but it was not sumthin i could sleep easily with that nite

              Ya accepted im a loser if taken in large scale of life --i dont have what i wanted,deserved or yearned for ,,personally my heart bleeds for not  having a chance at the things i love to have now ,but to call the sacrifices ,,the tough calls ,,the frustratin pains of heart as just a role of a loser  felt ridiculously bad ,,he knew nothin abt me in deep to point out abt me,,but i knew abt me and i was relating to what he said ,,if that was the case then 95 percent of human beings in this world by his perception which was reflected by few i knew are just filling in the role of "Losers"--My answer was a big hell "No"

             The world remembers only the winners --but ask the winners  who they fear most-they will point to the ones who hate to lose are the most dangerous --because they know they are winners waiting to be someday --thts how life has to be taken according to me,,im not a eternal optimist ,,im a laidback optimist --i wait for things to happen positively --that has been my drawback but i can never accept tht i was filling the role entitled by god to act out ,,there was a small little girl who i knew for only a short time --a HIV survivor for long time --a orphan (i hate to even write tht word)--but even after doctors gave her few months to live ,,she lived for yrs before she passed away unfortunately --she refused to be known as a loser --she fought for every bit  before she lost-she seemed a winner to me despite her short life-(she was 10 years old when she died) -she still seems --after all it was not her fault to have tht disease from birth --but she cared less for every medical ailment came across her way--it was genuine way i felt of sayin to world -"Everyone dies not everyone lives"!!

         My own moms sister --had a daughter--my eldest  sister in relation terms  --who was ill from her birth unable to walk and eat --crippled ---but for 20 years --she never gave up,,despite the world seeing her as a poor loser for living every day--i was too young to rememeber any of her fights with fate-she could speak well --she could see well --what i remember her now--she was destined to be a loser ---she ended a loser --but bloody hell she gave a magnificent fight before giving up her life ,my own parents were marvellous experience of real grit --my dad still is not acceptin his fate despite his 65 years of battle with fate--he still wins his share --like my examples there will be surely sumone worth rememberin in your life at every point u feel like --Is this it ?-it certainly isnt--those ppls lives will tell u--its true for me --for now im crestfallen for some time now--but i get inspired by all such ppls lives and say "Get up man the day has dawned ,,ur fate is waiting for a battle --lets give it a good fist and see what happens"

        Sum of us are born winners --many of us might seem like losers --our destination might seem  fixed with the word  LOSER  ,,but there is a way to rewrite that --we have to  hate losing like anythin "Come what may  ---never be afraid to be  a loser ,,and let it be known to the world tht u accept tht u may have lost once but u will be ready for battle when fate pops its head again --because it will never stop popping--and neither should we --because  if we do --then we mite just be filling the roles destined for us and the purpose of life might be lost and we all might seem worth for nothing --so always be ready to accept if u have lost but make sure u hate to be one again because who knows u might be a winner sumday -U got it right --this blog is from a loser who knows the reasons for being so --i hate myself for letting it be so -there might be a second chance sumwhere,,who knows  -maybe sumday i will get my due back as will everyone of us --until then  --lets fight  on and make sure we are not here to fill the roles as losers we r here to change tht to be "winner sumday"  --Cheers!!!

"To Be Loved Is Beautiful" !!

        "I know im not the sun in the days of  your world
         Im just making sure im one of the stars in your nights-
         u cant recognise me--but i can keep seein u without u noticin  "

                          Very very strong words written by sumone who i knew sumtime back,,if words had the power to stab sumone i would have been a dead guy now ,,1000 times ,but i for one for valid reasons never loved anyone ,though im starting to realise that being loved is indeed sumthing special than what it initally looks
                        There are few things that money cant buy,,,precious few things ---apart from family --the life partners ,,the soulmate who loves you for what you are ---they show unbridled love -its just tht sume dont realise it ,,some dont want to realise it !!Few years back when life seemed wonderful with frds and known ppl around,,i never believed tht i will  be lookin for sumone desperately few years later,,i always thought Its not a big deal --if i have a problem i can go to any of this frds ,buddies and known ppl,,,whats the thing ppl keep on sayin u need a life partner --u need sumone whom u could fall upon to enjoy ur happiness and explain ur sorrows ,,--i thought thts why best frds are there for!!!
                       I was grossly wrong --or i should say i m slowly gettin proved i was wrong.,,,there is a place for moms dad and families which they only can fulfil --there is place for best friends and time for them to support u ,,they never let u down when needed ,,but similarly there is special place for ur lifepartner or lover which noone else  can fill tht ,,,everyone of them  have  a role in ur life which cant be replaced by the other ,,,Seems god has made the role specific makin sure they are irrplaceable ,,now its obvious at 30 seein the same friends i visualised then  dwindle into very few ,,,the very few i depend upon have their own stuff to do--their own futures to be built upon with what they have ,,their own world with their own life partners -their own kids -with their loved ones --and its not the same and cant be the same what it was few years back
                    Time has come  infact sumtime back where it is actually not desperation but disappointment of  not having tht sumone to talk ,,to see everyday mornin and say im thankful i have u  everyday mornin,,well even if u dont say so ,,u know in sum corner of the heart ,,"oh ya i have her to run upon anytime "-- Now I have a family ,,i have best frds tht one could ever wish ,,but there is a empty space which has been empty for a while --i could work all day but nights seem like years with just my pen ,paper and lappy for company--all lifeless things which i depend upon to fill the void of not havin sumone to talk ,sumone to share things as it is with tht person nearby u
                    I was bit curious to know whether sumthin like this ever existed --so infact i quizzed two  of my frds upon this , --one of them married and other  in a relationship --and i was amazed how they could explain their togetherness which is now into years with great exuberance and childish enjoyment -these were comin from people who are past their teens ,,,Am i missing the sumthing tht is ought not to be missed?thts wht i got out of tht ,,im not envyin them  at all ,,but yes im feeling the space seems empty as far as my life goes now
                  Among the very few gifts i have had in my life there is one precious gift which in reality is a worn out hero pen which was given by me  to the person who wrote the lines i have written in the beginnin 8 long years back-i gave tht  to write a address in my first meeting with her --I got tht as new yr gift in year 2008 sayin "this was the beginnin of sumthin i love --give it to me when u feel the same",,Now the pen remains but not the person anymore
                  I know i was right in not acceptin sumones love out of sympathy because love never came for me but now i know sumthin else was wrong--there is no such ideal person who will come and offer their hand --there is no pride  in sayin  im waiting for right person,,,the person who loves u unconditonally ,,who keeps on looking for u ,,who keeps on yearning to spend time with u ,,is the right person who needs to fill the space which is entitled only for them which cant be replaced by anyone else,,,we keep on lookin for better options sumtimes forgetting the suitable option ---maybe thats where lies the truth of having a life partner and having just a pen ,paper and lappy to content with ,,because the former has life to offer u ,,the latter has just nothin to offer u other than promise of  killing time
              Sumday all this ,might change i might find after all  a suitable option than a better one ,,,everything has a reason ,,but life is short ,,if u keep lookin --u will be left to look upon only urself and  noone else ,,its obvious tht we need to enjoy the person who loves us for what we are ,,because if we dont realise tht ,,then maybe all  that will be left to see is the mirror or a "hero pen" like me ,,hehe ,So dont miss ur chance and never think of replacing them with others,,everyone have their own roles to play ,,to be loved is indeed wunderful--i realised it late but who knows it might still not be late enuf ,,wink,,
Cheers

"Dads are wonderful in their own unique ways"

                           "HE DID NOT TEACH ME HOW  TO LIVE ,
                             HE JUST LIVED AND LET ME GROW  WATCHING IT"---These are lines i read sumwhere and related it with dads in general --while every one of us enjoy the role of our mothers ,,most of us forget the role of dads in our lives ,Infact i have been blessed to be born to two people who had been just born to be with each other albeit for a short time --in the most wonderful way god wished ,,i have never appreciated dad being an important shining light in my life because hes been himself underplaying his role
                                                  Without dads-  life in general will have no direction,,for every kid tht is born the first inspiration is always their dad--especially for boys its always dads who are the first inspiration--life's first sign post starts from them ,,,they dont come to final destination but they show us the way ,,walk along with us with their "dream torch" passed to our hands  ,,see us run towards our goals with glee and slowly they fade away as we keep running to pass  our torch to the next generation,
                                                   I was goin through my old albums --i could see how beautifully dad has aged and taken along with him the pains of living alone in old age ,,settlin  his kids lives in their marriages and future  all alone with medical issues due to a  cruel paralytic stroke --he still had the same heart which he built a empire all alone -with moms moral support ,,i feared life derailing when mom passed   awaybut evn then this man stood like a rock unperturbed --his goal was unfinshed ,,his family was unaware of their paths ,,he guided them with heart of steel with a crumbling body ----sometimes true grit is never realised --every fathers struggle to settle their kids lives is a achievement to behold --but we take them for granted that its his duty hes doin--it aint tht simple ,,we wont realise until we be one to know what it is
                                                 " Every one can become a father --but not everyone can be a true dad",,tht word means lot of pressures and countless sacrifices ,,My father has been a shining light  to my future ,,in a way i knew where my future was heading when i was very young ,,i always said to myself i would be a sucessful person if i achieved half of what my great dad achieved in his life,,today hes a old man with wise brains ,,more anger sumtimes but beyond everythin hes still the same man with same guts and same love,,the awe tht i had 25 years back is still there seeing how he has managed so much with just grit in his heart ,,im still in amazement of how he overcame 48 hrs doctor gave him to survive 3 years back ,,he returned back from jaws of death with  vengenance ,,the stroke crippled him physically but he became more gritty --he settled my sisters life with a grand marriage for her  next yr ,,the following year saw my brother get settled similarly ,,nows he a grandfather ,,he still has justone more duty  which i will oblige when time arises
                                               There was a time in my life sum years before when i had the tough choice of choosin sumone which pointed to everlasting happiness or choose to prevent my fathers magnificent kingdom from crumbling and broken to pieces by my one decision--i thought deeply  and gave up my dreams for if it would mean to destroy my wonderful dads 50 years of  spell binding dedication, sincerity and dignity ,,itwould mean i would have got happiness i desired and lost my dad to tht as a price ,,i did not do tht ,,while there is nothin to be proud of tht ,,every son and daughter in world would have done sumthing to make their dad proud in their own way of sacrifices ,what i did was i was not a hindrance in my dads relentless march against fate and destiny with just grit and heart to counter it ,,it would have been destroyed had i slipped tht moment,my dad meant so much to me more than my world because of what a wunderful life he lived with the sole aim of having a life with no black marks,,and seeing him fighting odds with so much trouble made me realise he was far worth than my happiness which i do feel as long as hes there will be returned to me in sum other form so it doesnt seem to be a loss because i still know papa will do sumthin to make my life better than what i perceived --every dad does tht for their kids--some realise --some dont!!
                                                   15 years and more  i have been following his wishes in business  ,,and continue to do so till hes with me ,,he wont be with me forever but as long as hes with me i will make sure it will  make him feel hes living the life he wanted to show his kids to follow ,,thts what every son and daughter in the world will want their dads to be so --A royal salute to dads who are always so wunderful in their own unique ways!!!!

"Start Accepting People As They Are "!!

                                                                 

                                                                There is this problem that i have been tryin to rectify for long--i have seen it commonly in many frds and ppl --u get to know sumone ,then u love them ,,u get close with them ,,u enjoy your time with them like there is no tommorow ,,then u slowly expect them to change according to your requisites, and when it obviously doesnt happen -egos,questions,,attitude ,,everythin arises out of nowhere ,,,we forget sumthing --"we loved them because they were already so",,because it appeared likable to us we chose them  ---but where was the necessity for us to expect them to change for the sake for us to feel happier?that is sadly a question we fear to ask ourselves ,,because we know we would be found guilty,,"Everybody cant be right --accepted --neither can we be right always --life evens out" --when we start to accept tht ,,life becomes better and sumtimes beautiful if not always

                                                             I still have lot of ego not as much as i had few years before but life has taught me if i have more ego then i will  be left only with that and not with people whom i love ,,there is this wonderful girl i love as a friend -probably i have never loved any other girl as friend as much i do with her ,,because i have hated her so many times for close to 3 years tried to leave her but never could ,,i was surprised when she said the same to me today  --then only i realised that i have started to accept her as she is so that i feel she can never be away from me or neither can i be -as best friends for life  --the reason lies in acceptin sumone as they are than waitin for sumone to change for your satisfaction ,they never should because u did not choose them believin they will change for ur likin and satisfaction,u loved them for what they were and let them be so for life--period!!

                                                          For long i have choosed my buddies carefully,,but i have carelessly lost many of them of the same reason where expectancy outdoes the need for acceptance ,,,and this is especially true in the case of our friends ,,,Buddies set aside for a minute our families and think about your friends --
"in most cases they get nothing being our friends" ,,but we expect them to be sumthing better than what they already are ,,,its a precious life out there ,,"We are born alone - we die alone --we r allowed to stay together only in our time in this world" --Do we want to ruin it for our never ending expectations to b met in the affirmative? do we need to fall a prey to this greed? I wont be a example or certainly not   a trend setter for future people --i myself have been a abject failure in this --because by the time i realised this --i have lost countless people to this--and many of them can never be retrieved,,whilst i never regret what has gone in my life i cant refuse the fact it could have been better

                                                         Beyond all this there was a this tough chat i had yesterday  with one of my best friends who was crestfallen by situations already-- felt let down by me for being guilty of expecting him to change for my happiness and necessity ,,through his words i could feel the pain of a true friend hurt by my expectancy-- instead of accepting him as he was and run to his need at his hour of need --i was waiting and doing nothing,,though he had the heart to forgive my mistake,,it showed clearly where the fault was and what the fault was 

                                                      When u cross 25 u will damn sure know u cant satisfy or fulfill every frd of urs u have then because the number of friends will dwindle so fast once u cross 25 to  a extent where the numbers of frds can be counted in fingers of your one hand!!lets not lose the precious beautiful people left in our lives then ,,, In this life there are only two choices u make --one your life partner and another ur frds for life---from my personal experience for a  better and happier life

   "Stop expecting and Start Accepting people as they are "--Life will be better if not beautiful --its all in our hands !!!

Life Goes On!!!

                                                           Every human beings lives in this world will be decorated by special human beings other than our family,,,for our family it is a duty --but for certain other special people i have wondered  what is it tht makes  our life look more than what it is for them ?Love --probably Yes ,,friends---probably No,that is my perspective --not general--and i have added the word probably not surely ,,,well,,today was one of the darkest days of my life,,not that life throws just one such day --its one among many --my heart was lost ,,my eyes was rolled to skies ,,my head was spinning backwards,,the pain felt insurmountable--  My sister Deepa Ravikumar & My  Gud frds Manju ,Sandeep  all tried their  best to make me feel  alrite with what less time they had despite their busy work times,Im thankful to everyone of them no ends :) (Vasanth ,Mathi,Nirmal -had fun in their own inimicable way --its after all with ur frd --brother and mate who else u can have fun-enjoyed tht too budies-luv u all !!)

                                                          But beyond all this there were desperation ,,disappointment,,,struggles to shake off the humiliation and embarassment and heart prickin incidents of yesterday,,, i thought "throw in the towel and quit probably ?I cant stand this --im feelin bad ,,endless thoughts ,,endless pains ,Its when i  accidentally saw a mail written by sumone --5 yrs back --She is the inspiration behind my words other than my mom--she was the reason for me havin few very good mates in girls ,,,she is the reason probably im still single too!!  --maybe i was unfair with her ,,i never understood the meaning of the mail then  --in which she had hidden pain in words coated with fun--i could today realise the magnamity of  what  her pain was  -- Pain in heart  is a worse disease if unattended--it will stay on for life -the reason might differ but the meanings are same --i could not sleep yesterday --whilst i dont want to open up whats the stuff was about--its just a run a mill stuff of every over 25s life--but u learn in life things the hard way,let me quote lines from tht mail which mirror my exact situation now in words 

                                                       "Yes i was humiliated,,yes im embarassed ,,yes i felt bad ,,but it is what life is all about Shanmu(there are only 3 ppl who call me tht way ) --i want to die today after hearin the word i never wanted to hear  but i got a question ---Why run after death?--it will come one day surely ,,instead run after ur goals,,run after the one thing u want most ---before your time runs out !,"my whole life is in front of me ,,but i m already wounded --im already handicapped by fate,,my destinations seems unreachable !!,what should i do now? My answer "Just keep running as much as u can ---if u do fall sumwhere who knows god might be sending you sumone with a stretcher to carry u to your destination,,but if i sit with pain without running towards my goal how will god know im after what i want desperately "--These are not my lines --copy pasted cleanly,lol

                                                   How right she was then,,    Today if i quit ,,not only God ,,my close ppl wont know what im runnin for !! Yes i understand  quitting is the easy way out of all the miseries of this world ,,but the purpose of my life ? ,,the goals i have set for myself ,,the ppl i want to see bfore my time runs out,,the angel who might be waiting for me to take her alongwith my travails of life--what will happen to all this and more  ??It will be like  a book with just introduction and just blank pages after tht  ,i feel gutted tht i cant say this holding sumones hands or  lying on sumone shoulders ,But beyond everythin Life Goes On ( i feel like im holding her hands and sayin this "Im not quitting today because i have decided to run even though im wounded badly  "

Moms --True Angels from God !!!

                                                 I had this tough arguement with  one of my best friends in girls -and it brought out sumthin from me --i said to her "if my mom was alive i would have never needed to explain myself to my  close ppl  as i am doing now"--tht was a instant statement but it hit me hard-- it was plain truth i felt at the moment --Where does mom come inbetween a explantion with my close friend ? --and that too nearly nine years since she left me ???

                                                It was tht sort of mom i had --she lived for 42 years--42 beautiful years of which i could see only 20 of them ---the amount of fights ,,the amount of arguements ,,the amount of break ups i have and had in my life makes me wonder how come my mom --who was always in limelight never had anyone cursin her or shoutin her or fightin with her for 20 yrs ?i cant remember in these nine years one person coming up to me and say oh ur mom was bad--or any negative remark at all abt her ,,can it be true ?

                                               It is true --u try your might --"for me moms are the angels god sent to earth to make us realise how  beautiful life is" for all those people who are reading this i request you one thing-- Respect your mom when shes with you  because  the  true meaning of love  is best represented from  the word "mom",remember they see you change from one way to another till their last --we keep on changing--but they have unbridled love for their kids -i do believe they alone show "unconditional love" in this world ,every  other relationship will have some form of barrier -they never change --they teach you life in the way you understand --we keep on changing --in our lives moms "Change from being the person we love most -- to the person whom we need to love-- to the person who could be loved when needed--  to finally the person we should have loved more" !!!

                                           I was a shy young boy who saw the world through my moms eyes --i hated to see through mines because i always felt comfortable seeing through hers ,,during her last days when things were very bad --when i was all of 20 knowing nothing what life is going to throw at me ,,i was with her in her last few months --She always foresaw things in life,,she knew her end was nearing and she wanted to teach me abt life in  a way i can understand--she asked me what was purpose of life?what im goin to do after college ?what i will do in a world where i had noone?will i take care of dad? she asked me lot of questions ---she knew this son was not capable of answerin them then,,but sumday i will realise tht these questions needed to be answered if im a  son she visualised to be!!the life after her was treacherous and i slowly got the writing on the wall,,tht i needed to answer my questions ---now i stand at a juncture in my life where i might be able to answer in affirmative to all the questions my mom asked tht day--i understood though its a tough long process --it was her questions tht day made me think about my life--the meaning of my life.

                                        Im not a sucess story by any means now --nor im the son she visualised because i never gave her a opportunity to say what she wants from this lame son who felt happiness just by being sumone in this world rather than being sumone whom my mom wanted,,,Whatever i do now i can only imagine she might have thought this or tht but never certain because i innocently ignored her when she was with me --now im just talkin to her in my dreams and prayers,She never let me know she was crying tht her son let her down,,she never spoke harsh word abt me bein a careless son,,she never explained the pain she had everytime her son failed --and kept failin till her last --My mom believed tht sumday i will answer all her questions --the thing she did not know was it will be long after she had gone !!

                                    While im writing this i just  lived my moments with my mom for few seconds in my mind  --it was beautiful because moms are just wonderful ---whilst they live with you cherish them --cherish the moments with them ---and for once in a while sit with them and talk with them --give them a opportunity to let yourselves know what they want --never mind u not doing tht ---give them atleast the satisfaction tht u realise they show u love like none,,even when the world grows increasingly mechanic -there is one word tht  never becomes mechanic --it always remains the most wonderful relationship god sent u to realise Life is beautiful-The word "MOM"

                                   She was ,is and and will remain the most beautiful person i had in my life ,,her smile ,,her wunderful heart ,her amazing helping nature ,,her care towards strangers ,,her affection to her family ,,her never ending belief on her son --it made me what im today  --her fighting qualities ,,with all this great happy things i do remember tht i had this wunderful human being in my life but never realised it till she left ,my purpose of writing this blog is for all my buddies and unknown frds who read this realise u also will be having a wunderful mom like i had --u need to know certain things i knew after my mom left--moms change in the way they look but all moms have same nature and pinch of god in them --thts for sure !!

                                  (As for the arguement i had with the friend it ended with me swearin on my mom sayin i will never leave her --again i realised unknowingly the ppl i love i will never let go because maybe sumwhere above mom is throwin questions believing i might answer sumday--I will try mom--Miss U--love u forever )

                                              

The Need for the"Golden List" and negative side of being "Too attached"!!

                                                   I have been the best friend of the groom or bride in nearly 15 marriages till date--while for certain time it appeared like i was on top of the world --the potholes and pressures of being sumone important is far heavier than it first appears ,,the truth or the real fact is we never know what is self sufficient generally --we try to recreate the happier moments --that leads to our free will goin to extend of doin anything to achieve that ,,now by doin that the danger is you are allowing yourself to get too attached with a particular person beyond the borders of comfortability between the two
                                                  I say this from personal experience --i have had countless friends few yrs back,,and i can even now say that i enjoyed every moment being the guy they and their families loved to have at all possible times ,,as time went responsibilty ,commitment ,,business pressures ,and life introduced to various unpredicabilities the role of being sumbodys goto man became huge pressure ,,so much so desperation set in to get myself out of certain quarters ,,thts when i realised being attached has its own burdens
                                                Born in a very small family -and not having enuf exposures with life as such in the intial part made me goto innumerous people and families ,,but then if life is that easy then everyone will be a winner but eventually it is not and life ends up winner ,,,i realised that slowly getting out one by one by fate ,sum by own admission of negligence ,,the aftermaths of all those were terribly painful ,,The biggest problems in being attached is possesiveness ,,i made a personal blunder by doing a couple of register marriages to my friends which eventually turned sucessful but not enuf attention to them due to personal needs led to eventual break up in frdship
                                             My best buddies were the ones i never saw or the ones i rarely saw -i put them in my diary as "The Golden List"-it gave me a clear picture of where im heading--u try ur might --the farther u are in seein ppl the brighter are ur chances for a happier relationship,,,be it my best frd in girls or guys i dont see them at all ,,the best girl i wished to be more than a friend never lived near me ,,and some the best mates i have now dont know how i look in real --but the peace of having these people as the goto people is sumthing a answer to the question--do we need to see ppl to feel attached ?---my answer is a big NO--My best soulmates live in Delhi,Haryana ,Jaipur,London,   and one soon in Sri lanka --I live in Chennai ---To me tht answers whether i did the right thing by choosing them as my final destination guys or to have chosen the ones i meet regularly in Chennai,The need for the list is it determines in part where u r heading -they are very important for every individual --the number might differ but truth remains same--U NEED THEM
                                                Recently i had a break up with my friend for 4 long years -not my close friend --but a decent friend --her quarrel was i did not find time as before and was not understanding her feelings  --my answer was silence --sumtimes u have to let go ur expectations ,let go ur love,,let go ur feelings in frdship ,,,it is then u will love and trust sumone wholly and truly -being attached without knowing the other person in whole  leaves ur future in the relationship in tatters --i mean attached bit too much than comfort zones preferred --"in most cses the person will hate him for being the one in needy and hate u as the reason for that" and then starts the pain which has no cure
                                          I have had enemies --lot of them --due to jealousy ,job oriented ,by various factors,,but in a whole picture they r not dangerous because ur future is not dependant on them ,they dont cause pain,,heartache or lifelong pain tht can never be overcome --because the ones who are overly attached with u without knowing u are the ones u should fear off   from my personal experience its always better to have a border drawn in attachment of ppl ,,,a border that u must allow only selct people to cross and not everyone --be prepared to deny them by being kindly polite but be sure u deny them ,

                                        Its no big deal in sayin you have countless people to show who u are -- To me even if the COUNT IS LESS --u should have people to show who they are when u need them ,,,it took me 10 yrs to know tht --i wanna know sumone reading this out there ,,,u dont need  10 yrs if u carefully listen and select ur golden list of ppl who will be with u till ur final destinations --"they are the signboards to the ur future!!!"

"Being Ordinary day in and day out ---is Extraordinary"!!!

               Few days back i went to the place in chennai which was my first outing when i relocated from Trichy to Chennai(4 yrs back,2007)--Chennai Citi Centre---A place where my best friend Ravi was workin few yrs back for a company in 5th floor  ,, Remem tht time very well it was the place where i stood marvelin at how nice it was built and how many shops wre there,,,saw a movie there in Inox Multiplex there,,nothin stopped me from amazin everythin there,,the girls coming over there,,me havin fun with our group of frds running around ,pulling each other citing silly jokes --life is fun man i thought --i can enjoy everythin here unlimited for my whole life ---fast forward to 4 yrs ----the same place just seems to me like another building in this world ---perspective changes --a lot ,,,the things we admire initally for beauty dont stay so for long --So what makes indeed life beautiful?if not these then what else?

          Those things tht we ignore for bein too routine and usual  are the ones tht make life very beautiful --we dont find time to "APPRECIATE "  them -Few examples -the mother who does the same routine for 365 days to see us not to feel low -the father who earns to make sure we reach our dreams and after we start to earn --he goes into his shell just admirin what a masterpiece he made with his wife-- for rest of his life  --while we just think whats the next step to stardom ,,Then in most cases there is a  lover who  to quote one of many examples --keeps seein the watch hopin it will stay standstill so tht she could spend some more time with u,the person she likes  -what we do?-we mistake it for her hurry to get the dating done --(rite personal experiences -wink)

          Every guy will definitely have a mentor or a group of ppl who made them realise the direction they r goin is right --those ppl will just be the guys we always have the biggest respect ---and it stops there --we ask what more ??ur best friends who r with u when u r piece of garbage or absolute bit of mess ---once u come out of tht --u say --thats fine  and say ok now i have lot of things lets me run towards them to catch up

        Buddies think for  a minute --in our lives the characters may vary --the names might change --but in most cases the roles they do are similar ---it hardly takes us 5 mins to say "i appreciate what u have done to me -Thanks ",,those ppl--Those ppl who r The most REGULAR ppl in our life --genrally dont come with us to our final destinations--most of them whither away before we cross half of our lives --but they have been sacrificial in their own way to let us reach whatever we have as our stardom!

        My mother was an ordinarily educated lady who did simple things unassumingly for her whole life ,,i never appreciated her when she was with me creating my life for me,whatever i could remember of her now seems great,  her impossible dedication towards the same simple things now seems unbelivable -- she did for 20 yrs of my life ,all i did was make her do more ,,now i say everyday mom i appreciate ur tuf work for me-Seein her picture in my purse!! ---I had a school staff Mr.Rasheed Sir --the most magnificently respected School teacher whom i once made to look at me and say son--in these 6  yrs i have tried --u failed--because "u never tried once to be what u can"--i cursed him,,now i know what he meant --hes no more for me to say "Sorry sir i will try atleast once "

      Mrs.Motha --another wonderful teacher who i let her down with brash brainless ego and money minded boldness ,,never gave her a good thanks givin smile even for her hard work  ,,shes gone now probably,,The first time computer guy said to me then a hopeless guy who never knew to switch on a computer --u have good typin knowledge --one day u will not be bad in usin these,,i said "oh ya we dont pay u to for ur predictions" --hes probably sumwhere in the wide world but i mite never see him in my lifetime to say --ya u were rite ,,thanks --- Remem  how i did not appreciate the goodness of one of my best all time friends effort to wait for me only for me to say   "Whats the point in seein the watch? ,,i came now -u talk now!-i made her wait 6 hrs she just smiled then -even shes gone now !!

      All i have left is my father ---i just make it a point to my dad  tht he doesnt hear his son squealin at him but make him know tht from my mouth when i have opportunities tht "wherever i go from here it all started from u dad"

       I once remember sayin this to the skies when my mom passed away ---"All I have is my choices --let me choose them "--i choose to die then--did not happen ,,,sumhow --9 yrs later now i know i had my good options  i let them go one by one --and feel if and only i could have appreciated those  tireless ppls sacrifices and struggles they mite have stayed to gimme a happier life in a happy atmosphere ,,anyhow i mite seem lost --but i still know out there in the wide world there are still some choices  tht i can make --will make sure tht i dont let them know i forgot to say the word"I appreciate what u r thanks"--for those words uttered to those regular ppl is what makes ur life beautiful despite being one among the countless billions in this world  -u r always unique to them,,realise it before its too late !!!After all buildings never make u happy--- ppl do !!

       To all the people who r just ordinary day in day out in ur life dont forget to tell them u r  "Simply Extraordinary-Thanks "!!

           

A strange experience in a party place!!

                         The other day i had to meet a few ppl whom i  meet or interact in one of the snoozy evenings in weekends ,,the topics shifted from nonsense to silly jokes ,,its when sumone threw up a question --Raj u say everythin is  of god ,,where is god now --u tell me?,,obviously she aint a god follower so wanted to mock the ones who believe in god ---So the topic became serious ,, answer ranged from same philosphies --ranging from god is evrywhere some cliched old dialogues ,,its when a unknown  senior to our group sat among us and joined the discussion

                        So dears ---its heartening to see a sensible question in a party place --he asked all of us --4 were present ---2were boys 2 were girls --he said i will ask every one of u one question --u gimme the answer u have in heart ----first one he asked --son imagine u r in sumtrouble or extreme happiness where u will go --he said im a god believer i will go to temple ---second one said i will go to my girl whom i love for 5 yrs, ---third one said --i will go to my parents as i dont have boyfrd or anyone else i feel like goin first  ,---The fourth one(the one who asked the question) sensin to corner the senior said "see sir i wont go to temple as i live far away from temple ,,i dont speak with my dad ---my mom is not alive --and i dont have a partner --so i just go lock myself in a room and speak to myself no matter what-it was rude i felt  --- in fact she had a strong smile feelin she outwitted everyone --

                  The senior spoke now ,,,see god is a perception in which u have full faith and trust --where u have faith and trust god will be there unknowingly watchin u --u r in temple ,,or u trust ur parents or the partner whom u trust( i interfered and asked him -thts wrong -how can sumone whom u know for 5 yrs be the one u goto ?---he explained tht was difficult one as few yrs could not replace that of temple or parents place,,but gave a apt explanation that pure form of love also God will exist)--and finally to the self appreciated  smart 4 th person--sweeti --u r unique u dont have anyone to believe or trust ,,so u have decided to become strong willed to fight anythin or enjoy anythin first with urself ---so the power of will is ur "god"---without that u cant lock urself in a room and feel strong enuf to be able to express sumthin within urself --

                  I for one clapped hearin the guy--it was not a philosophy --it was not a place for philosophy--it was party place,,,not everyone was normal ---everyone was havin party -drinks was flowin,music was tearin ears ,,but it was rarest of occasions where i felt ---tht was a sensible talk !-A strange experience in a strange place ,,after which i decided im not goin to go there even for fun --i felt i could be better than just be a party goer in a group of headless chickens ---i cant say i will find such persons again in such places,never saw him before there and never i think will see him anywhere--i dont know whether he was damn right --i felt he had sumthin right to prove sumone wrong -period  !!