" Life is All About Having Hope "

        "All i wish is one drop of love again --maybe its the beginning of a ocean i so dearly yearn for" 

 
           ("Dedicated To My Luvely  Soulmate and   Unforgettable Neha -Two really spl ppl whom im no more in touch but wish it will change sumday :)")

                                  "Dude if u r gettin married as and when if it happens --how much crowd u expect to come since u have been having quite a good circle for long time ---my frd asked--i replied "I dont know buddy -what u see is all im assured of (I was standing alone at tht time)-right now i dont know whether my shawdow will come with me --but all i want is ppl wishing me sumwhere heartingly)        
                                               
                                   On the walk in the shores of beach i have probably never felt so deserted and a feeling of  uneasy silence followed --u can fight words with words --what do u fight silence with ??? ,I remember walking in the same shores of beach as a school kid 15 years or so back --dancing playing in the beach shores with my family with frds --endless smiles --the night seemed so beautiful then never ending --i loved my legs becomin so sand dragged in water --i felt so happy then unknowingly --the innocence of youth where u never need a reason to smile !!

                                                   Returnin back tonite the same spot -15 long years later ---standing at the same time in evening --with my feet again in bit of sand and water --seeing the beach i had a cold feeling --now this point i was standing with myself alone with the same place i was with a huge family crowd ebbing ,,playing --it all flashed in a moment --now im searchin  even my shawdow  --the moonlight seemed dimmed than before though truth is it never lost it gloss --my vison had changed -my priorities had changed --my preferences had changed --one thing that has not changed is my love -- i read sumwhere sumtime back

                 "   You   are born out of love of two people --love will be with u all life -accepting or denying is  your wish --erasing is not though -it will always be in u !!"

                   "     The problem of getting close-- too close is u cant distance yourself enuf to know how far u can be apart --for when u do the truth hurts --sumtimes even bitter but time teaches you sumthing -a very important lesson --

                            "If u r forced to leave sumone u r too close  never force urself to forget that person"

                                    U never will because the memories ,the fun ,,the smiles ,,the tears will remain with u even if not the person ,,this aint no advice --100 % own experience --Myself had been a prime example of forming some frdships and relationships that had skyrocketed to dizzy heights --i never imagined after goin to that heights i will look back ---but fate made me do so and i also "STARTED FALLING FROM THERE:-believe me when u r too close and tht much on top of world --u r destined to fall and the effects of tht fall--the pain--the tears ,,a sense of lost feeling is too hard to digest for a normal human being ---probably we ar programmed to love people we like but we are given our choices to get how close we want -except for one or two ppl in life gettin too close is always "too close for comfort in life".
                                    I realised with the water hitting in my shirt that i was stuck there for long time to realise tht --the memories took me long than i thought --boy --losing some marvellous people took matter of minutes and days --to find them it took years---i realised one truth --"tryin to forget them is the wrong thing and sumthin impossible "--and finally thanked the beach--i dont remember one other companion in my life who never complained --never expected --always listened to my hearts words "--i walked back seeing some kids enjoyin in the sand and water --i had the same but i had something else too in my heart --which felt light on the way back  "
                                  (Not all wishes are fulfilled in a lifetime --not every love story becomes a reality -not every smile is of happiness--but " no love is a false one"--its always better to leave a wobbly  beautiful story with hope midway  than to end it with hatred -if u cant forgive never forget atleast "-hoping personally that mine will go in the same way too)
                                  
                            

A Unforgettable Letter Of Love !!!

                  Its Valentines day ,,a letter showing a girls  true love for a guy that went unfruiful --yet the girls way of seeing life --seeing love --always being positive to life--was  a inspiring person in my life

   Monday Feb 13,2006

   My Dear Luv ,

                        Been a long while ,3 months 24 days since i last saw u --tht was the last time i had happiness my heart refused to forget , From the moment i met you in that unforgettable rainy night --i knew this was the soul my heart yearned to meet --"to ask is to expect--to deny is a sin -to make u  accept was a impossiblity --but my happiness is forever same --everything else freezes when i m with u" --my mom left me before i knew the world --my dad refused to accept me into his world --i grew up with no apparent reason -- until that rainy night when i found a reason --reason to believe u can live a life u wish if you are brave enuf to come out of the miseries surrounded by u

                      How tough it is to love sumone who likes you but doesnt love u ---its never difficult for me i guess--loving came naturally to me ---u never forced me --that moment --this life --this lovely feeling is all mines --u dont live twice in a same life--i did --once for 20 odd years a life with no happiness but the next few with all the more i can ask for --its a beautiful feeling --if its a bubble i will live in it till eternity ---"I feel to expect luv back for luv is a crime --if it happens im the most happiest person in world --if it doesnt its alright -i know i was taught that not all arrows  reach the exact right destined spot ,,its not my mistake then maybe god was too busy he forgot to write my story as he wished --hes loaded with so much work i can understand ---no complaints

                      "Generally a dream ends when u wake up--for me im living in my dream---i was alive when i met u--but after meeting u i realised i was only half alive---every day,every minute ,i live now is like a beautiful dream --it has only happiness in it---if this is dream i never wanna wake up" --never felt so wonderful as i have felt in last couple of years --For me my luv came through rain --the breeze never seemed colder that night in rain --it was probably the only time my heart commanded my mind --and my mind accepted ---i smiled happily --i have not stopped being happy ever since --ur anger --ur remarks --ur ego --nothing has hurt me because u have not denied me yet--im in ur life --my life is all urs --my dad still doesnt care about me --but thats ok --he has his own wishes --maybe i never fulfilled his wishes --"i never saw life with the pessimistic glasses --this life is all i have --this luv is all i can give  --this happiness is my gift from god  --i dont wanna waste every moment feeling otherwise -- For me regretting   is  like license to fail in life ,to fall in love is like taking escalator to eternal happiness --u will know tht sumday --surely "!!

                       "If i never meet you again i wanna let you know just one thing ---i had in my life  the thing the whole world goes searchin ,,a search some find and others never -that night-the rain,,the dream ,,the happiness came ,,settled in my life  and never left .

                       "Never regret a moment in this life -never deny love --never find fault in others for leaving--never get stuck with harsh truths --find a false lie to make u happy than a  harsh truth --u might need all this with me or without me "

                       " I love you lot --hell a lot ---god gave me a beautiful life --a beautiful u--if the next moment is my last i will embrace death with a smile and show it that i lived a life that will never die as long as the world exists of my honest and never ending "Love"!!

                                            Without you now  --with love forever!!!

                                                                                     Ever lovingly

                               

                                                    From a known persons diary (published  with due permission from the lovely person )-who was honestly the best writer i have known and my biggest inspiration for words --and probably the best girl who symbolised the word "LOVE"

                       

Life Seems Always Interesting One Way Or Other:)

 "Life always offers the doors to our wishes --its us who always seem to choose the wrong keys!!!"

                                           
                             Few days back  --while i was annoyed at events that were taking place in a non linearway pointing alarmingly to bad times --i asked myself "Why cant life be just fair "it seems sumwhere the balance appears awry ,,why is that so ?
                              Maybe in angst and depressing frustration sumtimes that comes in our lives we miss the true facts that lies right in front of our eyes ,,that we infact change the question for our need and not answer the right question "Have we been fair to our life"--"Have we been fair enuf to accept the mistakes and correct them "--To say "i never make mistakes "is like saying "Im a robot --Im always in autopilot mode --destined to do the right things "--To blame others for excruciating pain created by ourselves is like searching water in a empty well to quench our thirst.
                             What prevents us from answering that question is simple ---"Plenty of Anger ,,Plenty of Ego ,,Endless greed to earn more" ---Yep ---I m also in that category --I still have so much anger dying to get out of me ----a ego which always seems be  a untamed monster and a normal human beings greed to money --to be frank ---by tryin to conquer all these i have failed falling flat on my face,,i have not been fair to my life --i have not done what i was destined --i have failed to conquer my ego ---even to my dear frds,,my sisters ---i have prided unknowingly my ego over love --i have not become what my life offered me -life asked me to become sumone i could --i became ultimately what my family,,surroundings and situations wanted --not what life had for me -by gods grace and a wunderful supportive people around me i made sure my path was not a bad one after all ---but still "Life offered me a path with a garden full of flowers i wished but i refused to tht --why complain then"
                              Life doesnt care whether u r careless ,,innocent or arrogant-Just a "yes" or " no"--it offers everythin --manipulating them to our needs and situations is our mistake--If i chose from what i have been offered i would have had a luvely person near me while i write this not a demon called "Loneliness"--If i chose to be different i would have made the wishes of my remarkable mother realities ,,,If i chose to be different i would have not hurt people i loved so much and left them sumwhere hoping "I wish,,,,,," ,,"If i was not so sensitive i would have had the life for ages that i was so desperately near "---But despite the flaws ,the mistakes i make and made --i knew i m not the only one in this world --its a marvellous thrill a minute journey where the next minute is a puzzle u wish was not --thats why its a challenge to live through this tough times -it always seems interesting one way or the other :)

"Life might seem unfair always --but in truth it isnt --it offers you time though limited,ability though hidden,dreams that pushes u to achieve them--what more can u ask "
                       

A Interesting Story Abt " Laughing Buddha "!!!!

  " When u were there i was never tired of seeing u smile for 20 years it worked wonders

          Now i see your picture and see that same smile and it still works wonders "

                  With you and that everlasting smile my journey goes on ,,,,,,,

                          -- To my mom whose smile i have kept as a priceless gift god gave me

           

                            Dont know abt others for me the most tireless thing to watch is sumones true smile - thats when this idea of blog came to mind --the statue of "Laughing Buddha "comes to my mind when i think abt the word smile ---it was sumthing i used to make fun abt tht statue calling it as "dhonthi buddha "in my young age ,,i used to see it in almost many houses ,,only recently i got to know why the statue is referred as laughing buddha --The word "Buddha"means "One who is to awake "

                         This person on who the laughing buddha title was given  is said  to be a chinese monk-named "Budai" --said to have lived a life full of happiness and   extreme satisfaction of being funny all his life and there is a interesting story which is told about his death i quote from a excerpt in a book 

               "  The monk had asked his family that when he dies that he need not be washed before being burnt --eventually when he died of old age after a life filled of complete joy as he wished --he was not washed but when he was burnt as the customary ritual ,,ppl heard crackers burst around his body ,,he had crackers tied with his body at the time of death and thats why he asked not to be washed ,,ppl in his death smiled happily on seeing that --its how the story goes that here was a man who lived a happy life despite anythin and even in his death made ppl laugh --it is believed by having his statue  our lives will be filled of happiness,it is beleived rubbing his belly would bring good luck,wealth and prosperity ----so obviously the statue is more than a fat funny bald old man statue as i perceived then  --there is sumthin we could take from his life if we are prepared too.

                 We dont stop to see good things -we find time to discuss one bad thing for yrs  ,,we dont find a reason to smile but we shed tears for a useless reason,,there is always a funny person in every one of us --if we could find that part of us and live life like tht then we could someday understand the real presence of the laughing buddha statue --a true story in itself to behold --"if only we could enjoy life like that --and thats a big if "-lol

Cheers 

"Im Happier Than Yesterday --All I Ask Is The Same For Life "

          " Life is quite mysterious --the next moment always seems a mystery "

                                    Been a long while or so it seems since i blogged --Sick ,Sick ,Sick--literally thats what i have been all the past few months ---today morning i went out after a long time to one of places i used to visit long time back even before i had moved to chennai
                                     Moving along the streets after a visit to church i used to visit --i was walking along the shop side of streets--have to mention sumthin here --it was same place i had roamed around 7  odd years  or so  before on newyears eve with few of my frds whom i have completely lost touch now--during that time with  just  pure exuberance of enjoying life not knowing what is right or wrong --we actually hit upon tht side during wee hrs of new yrs eve ,parying crazily if i have to put it in right words :)---few of my  frds (not all of us ) who were supposedly"high" took the garlands from roadside shops  and threw in air --enjoyin the moment and picking quarrels with ppl over there --mainly ladies  were there  as  shopkeepers,,,when i was walking today i had no idea of those incidents until i met a old lady who kept gazin me for sumtime

Where r ur "high "frds --coming behind u?
                                     she asked i was blinkin at her --she asked --me ?--you only --i remember u very wel and ur great friends --they all ruined our  beginning of a new year many years back --how can i forget tht ? --then i remembered wht she was saying is true --i hardly remembered her face from tht incident ,,,,i was standing expressionless--"im sorry for u to remember me like tht "--she said ---"its ok i remember you well of that small girl who accompanied you --she asked to pay for us and you did "when your friends were still fighting with me --i have forgiven and  forgotten all of them --i forgave you then not because of your money but because of that girl --shes your small sister na ?hows she--convey regds to her -she was so beautiful --still remember her face --i replied nothing --just smiled and said you are a nice person and a lucky one too---so only u r blessed to be so near of god selling this garlands .,,
                                       
A true realisation,
                             As i moved along the street i asked myself a weird question "How do i remember some of my close  people --do i remember them the way like the old lady did of me --- that of my frds,,my sisters,my relations  --- with "ill feelings ??
                             it was very difficult question--but there was sumthing my mother used to teach me when i was young---if u want to know what your heart thinks about sumone --just close your eyes and see what image u get of that person--tht is the true reflection of what your heart thinks "--she was marvellous because from my young age i had and have this problem of trying to figure out the real importance of a person who is close to me --i invaraibly lost person after person due to this confusion---today i decided to do the same test"I CLOSED MY EYES AND THOUGHT ABT THE PERSONS WHOM I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT MY HEART THINKS ---AND ALL I COULD REMEMBER   OF THEM WAS SMILES AND HAPPY MOMENTS  SHARED TOGETHER AS A SLIDE SHOW "--I knew at that very instant when i opened my eyes --i have had a pretty good life till now no matter how bad it appears-no matter how lonely i feel at times,,,no matter how sick i have been falling lately ---nothin has really made me develop a "ill"feeling towards any of them that is a special feeling not everyone is blessed ,,,as i came back and put my cd player on in my car --the song "Tere Hone Laga Hoon"played ---i smiled endlessly !!

           "I felt happier than yesterday i ask only tht for the remainder of my time"
Cheers ,,,c ya soon

                   
          

"Inspiration Beyond Words--Admiration Beyond Belief--On hearing Words Of A Iron Lady " !!!!

               " Sumtimes there are too many good qualities in women  to pinpoint all their   bad ones "

                 "They appeared remarkable when i was young --they appeared admirably wonderful as   years passed by--today was quite simply heart touchingly unbelievable"

                 "Saluting every wonderful woman i have known -they are special ,,very special " 

  

            Jan 17,2012 ;

                                   With nothing to do ,,not knowing how to pass away the time with a poor back and battered mind i was stuck in house for days ,as it was pongal holidays time and all shops and offices were closed ,,,i decided to search through sumone to speak ,,then suddenly hit upon a old friend ---old in every sense --she was a granma of a old frd whom i cant even call a close friend --but i did not think much --just called her and asked if i could meet her for a talk --my granma and granpa all passed away relatively early so i had a affection for elderly people and i went to meet her and i was pleasantly surprised to see her grand daughter who was slightly elder to me and i used to refer as a sister there,,,now as i told she was my once known friends sister ---i rarely got along with them or her --since i always had the feeling she was too dominant and too grim lookin from my younger days  when i knew her 

                              I knew tht fate played a very bad hand in her life couple of years back when a fateful horrendous accident tore her life to pieces with the accident consuming her husband ,,her parents and importantly her leg---but all these never mattered to me because i was typical human being around--if u dont get close to sumone --their pain means nothing to u--i never made a courtesy call then nor i met her or anyone in family because they fell in ppl whom"i just knew"--how pathetically wrong i was --i  felt today --must admit it was one of my low days that i will be always be proud of always --it might sound weird but true it was !!

                             Here it is why it was so special --when i saw her without her one leg --but as always beautifully cleanly dressed with neat hairstyle --a slightly changed battered face of accident --i made a cruel stupid question on instinct--"Hi akka --How do u manage life with all the stuff -who is helpin u in ur life now -it should be tough na "(in hindsight i wished i had said a few nice comforting words-rather than tryin to blabber questions that might hurt them more than the wounds)--she as always in dominant voice with upright face replied"doing good bro--i did not die then --im sort of curious why i did not die then --there might be some reason --i wanna know what the reason was and im wakin up everyday to find answer for that --mark my words i will find it sumday "--with a slight smile in pure pride of being able to express her hearts grit in words --sumtimes its hardest thing to do --to show ur grit --ur fight --ur true fight in words ---tht was prickingly slick and i felt tht --i just could not see her face --i just turned my attention towards her granma to pack off at the earliest feeling that i got stung by a bee in form of words .

                          On the way back i realised  the depth of the words --say what yes women have their flaws but they sumtimes appear the grittiest,strongest people on earth to me -fate cruelly crippled tht womans life ---but not her heart --not her mind --least not her bloody minded soul--for a moment my mind visited all the wonderful women i had and i have in my life --from the lion hearted mother ,,the soft hearted princess--what a princesss she was ,my possesive love hearted sisters--few amazin ones,,the strong word women teachers,a child girl prodigy who fought aids,my big hearted  soulmate--who appears always as fresh as a daisy in my heart despite my endless hate towards her --and now this lady who has towered to dizzy heights with that attitude --that positive outlook to life despite knowing her life is almost ruined --some story for my old age to tell to people then of this day --and to think i knew nothing abt this person and still know little and added to that might meet very less in my life again as place,situation are bound to keep me away from her --it left a sparkle in my life--i was finding so many reasons to break down --all in mind ,,anger and pain---but here was a remarkable soul finding one good reason to soldier on --facing fate eye to eye .

                 Yes today is not womens day--yes i have been always been bit biasedly liked to talk high about women because i have been influenced by few amazing angels like my mother --its not about tht i say this ---its about the truth i feel abt them ---  even when they fail in love or in life or in office --they seem to have the grit and guts to overcome hurdle and humiliation (i heard from one of my frds how it is hard to go through office hrs when ppl dont stare into ur eyes always - absolute gut wrenching words of pain),physical struggles ,-- they always seem to have their way to grind themselves out of the hole fate digs them into

      "Hats off to u--i have  no hesitation to admit my admiration  on women 

        And of all women i knew -my admiration will keep growing-its been a 

         a low day personally but sumthin i will be proud off for life for knowing 

          there is a reason for me living --and i will try to find it sumday rather than 

                        blaming fate for everythin --Thanks to u "Iron lady "

Still in awe and speechless by the day --meet u soon ,,,,,,,

                                  

 Cheers

                           

Getting "Hurt" Doesnt Always End In "Hate"!!

       "   I promise my truth will  never end in pain for you for if it does let it be a widely accepted lie ---  let the pain be mines --the smile be ours --we part to hopefully meet again sumday "
                             ----  To one of my best friends i miss everyday

     "I wish i never see you again
      Life never designed a plan for us --but not everythin needs a plan
      If i am a reason for u to lose your smile let it be in your sleep
      If u were the reason for my tear let me hold it for next birth
                                                                --To a very special sumone i love a lot...
                       
             The truth folks while writing this my mind and heart are not in cohesion,,i dont believe in fairytale friendships anymore ,,,i for one believed for long it is possible to have fairytale friendships and relationships for long ,,but recent set of events and turbulent events ultimately made me believe that it is impossible to have such things in todays world ,,it aint possible anymore .
            At the end of day --u live your own life --noone plays your role for anything ,i personally have always had the thought "if u love sumone --u love that sumone till last"- Life by way of events  teaches you how to love --we learn by ourselves how to hate --that is why the hate part always doesnt have a pattern but always carries fully the meaning of the word "Pain"
          Recently with close ones and known ones falling away like nine pins by fate i realised that i let them fall away for the good reason that atleast someone can be happy --Its fine if it aint me -there are so many good reasons why i can still have a smile --a smile that came the moment my heart liked that person,,loved that person and lived some enchanting moments with that person ,If it means getting "Hurt"is the only option then it is always better because hurt doesnt erase memories --doesnt erase the good things and doesnt always end in"hate"atleast to me that is what i found out after personal introspection of events and happenings in my life .
            A lovely brother ,,a close sister ,,a frd for 24 years ,,a letter frd for 12 years  and another spl frd ,,--i had them in my life as my shining stars a week before ,,a week later fate shut the lights out of my life and trying to make a wicked smile of it --little did it know they were "Shining Stars"--aint no light made them look bright before and i dont need any ---i sit in dark but i know they will be in my horizon wishing me well --sumtimes when u wanna make the ppl u love smile its better to "feel bit hurt"because according to me personally "hating"is never a option-"IF U LOVE SUMONE U LOVE SUMONE TILL LAST ".period

C ya soon :)



       
                                            

"To The Best Person I Ever Had In My Life-On A Tough Day - To U Mom --With Love "

               "Today was a day i achieved sumthin personally good ,,wanted to run to the person who was responsible for this day --but she visits me in dreams and touches me through air ,smiles through pictures but most importantly  LIVES IN  MY HEART TO KEEP ME GOIN"

                     FOR U MOM ON A DAY I MISSED U SO MUCH --LUV U
                     
      "You had no magic skills yet u performed miracles by a magic wand called love  "

                      You showed the meaning of love
                      You showed that anger can be conquered
                      You showed that silence could be read with words
                      You showed that painful tears could be lost
                      You showed heart matters to value a person nothing else
                      You showed lifes hurdles are never impossible to jump
                      You showed God by being the best impersonation i never recognised
                      You showed 42 years is enuf to live a eternity among everyone
                      You showed smile for all ur endless pains and troubles
                       You showed life could be fought relentlessly never giving up

                                             U also showed ,,,

                         "You can embrace death with smile -"--probably the only person in the whole world i knew who could make even death shed a tear for doing that to such a pure,clean ,lovely soul whose only mistake in life was to be born as a human ,Probably God gave u a choice to be a angel or be a mother of 3 -a queen of a great  king --a world ravished heart and  unforgettable one --at the cost of a SHORT LIFE ,,AN ALMOST PERFECT ONE

                          I say it a almost perfect one because the bit of imperfection is of the son she wanted so much yet gave so little ---the one who is writing this -still loving her and still missing her hell a lot -the one person i loved,love and love forever endlessly and unconditonally --moms are amazingly great --till ashes with love ---with ur love forever in heart ----life goes on with  ur blessings and a heart full of lovely memories  ,,,,,,,all i can say is ,,,"LOVE U AND MISS U "
                                                     

                                                       
                                     
                      
                                          
                                           

Happy New Year--Hoping in 2012 we all can make a difference for few more people :):)!!

                   "THERE IS NO UNDESERVING PERSON IN THIS WORLD --PROBABLY THERE ARE LOT OF UNLUCKY ONES --WE CANT CHANGE THEIR FATES BUT WE CAN MAKE THEM FORGET IT FOR A DAY"                 

                            "We all live in same world ,,,not all are destined to live a similar life--some live a tough life maybe its left for us to change their destinies and redefine ours --if we think we can change  their lives,Maybe a wonderful dawn is around the corner  "
                    
                    What is ur plans for tomm machan my frd asked me ?--i said nothin just whale around with sum frds ,,,go around some happening place make fun---go to beach --and nothin big --enjoy the day ---he asked me really thats all?are we supposed to be like this till we die machan?---i asked him what u want to give me a big lecture to go to some temple and worship for goodness of the world --Cmon!!--im beleiver of god and good things but not a blind follower of what world does !!--he replied "Oh ya --so spending the new year with few frds in girls in parties and driving around the place and cutting cakes and enjoyin by urself enuf ???I in a reply of feeling instant insult and anger replied hastily --Oh yes if u have a better one please let me know abt one---maybe u wanna me booze around and buy few other some drinks and enjoy  the way u wish right?
                   That happened  in the early hrs of the day today -i duly apoligised for my stupid outburst but it stayed with me more than what i thought -somthin irked me --maybe he did not give me a solid reply of my hastiness to cover a truth he revealed unknowingly --this was no conversation between teens --it was between guys in the early 30s --probably the age when u wanna do sumthin different  rather than the same in ur life --the age where "Wants outdoes everything"--but sumwhere i do feel he was right --enjoyin the life to the  hilt in teens and early 20s is sumthing that can be excused not when u r in your the next stage of life --so what do we eventually do about the dawn of supposedly the year with hopes higher than ever in life ??
                 In a nutshell u never earn enough for ur life till ur last because the more u earn the more u want --that will keep on being the same till the last--but life is not same for all --sume wish to have 1 percent of what we have ---it is for us to give that to people who deserve them--"WE CANT CHANGE THEIR FATES BUT MAKE THEM FORGET THAT FOR SUMTIME ATLEAST -YES WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO FEW IF WE WISH AND I KNOW IT IS A BIG "IF"!!!

                                 I recently went to a handicap home with a frd of mine --she came all the way with me to the home and at the last moment stood outside --saying she cant see them like that and sleep easily --that is how we probably see them --we always see their inabilities and feel it may affect our happiness we neglect them sumtimes --but what we forget is we have happiness that can be shared--dont take me wrong --im was firmly in  that category for long time in my life until a beautiful person changed my perspective,,i was pushed to do that by her --even though im a regular visitor to some homes nowadays i cant enitrely say im putting my heart and soul into it because if i had done so --i would have replied to my friend with a thought say for example  --"Yes i have sum other plan and probably a dawn for few others" but i did not ,,guess thats how the world works out --its a selfish world where individual gains and mindless funs outdo necessary "things to do"in life

                              A mindless conversation ,,a friendly banter ,a typical stupid inborn aggression almost blinded me thinking me in right way and taking the next step in right way ---Yes i will have my fun --it will be slightly muted --because i have decided to make it a dawn for few others too--a beginning for me wholeheartedly  --and i hope its not a bad beginning if u decide to do so ---as i said sumtimes we have to realise there are unlucky people than us who unknowingly wait for our attention--u might nearby u--"SOME BLIND HOMES,,SOME ORPHANAGES ,,SOME OLD AGE HOMES "--just think abt them --if u decide there luck might change --if u dont -nothing will rock ur world but u r depriving urself a opportunity to change someones luck by ur small contribution --this im sayin in no philosphical advice ---remember im in ur group --trust me --read the talk with my frd ---im hoping to join in the few who might think bit differently and firmly . 

                            A dawn for a better tommorow  and a dawn for a satisfyin year ahead --Wishing u a awesome New Year Ahead ---Welcome 2012 -Cant wait to see how its turn out :)

Live Ur Passion Atleast Once In Life ,,,,,,U Will Love Ur Life Like Never Before :)

                        My 50 th blog ---  One of the  biggest achievements in my life till date  --Whole heartedly thank the buddies who supported me to keep writing -my sisters,,my best frds,,grateful to each and every one of u -sumtimes its not always abt money or fame ,sumtimes its about happiness --Plain Happiness--Wrting is my passion-my happiness,Thanks to each and everyone of u who made it possible :)!!
                             ( Up until March 27 this year in my life ,,my passion was almost in grave --i never thought of doing sumthing abt it --but with all due respect to all of my wonderful frds i wanna dedicate this entire blog to my brother "Sandeep Sheoron"--i would have died one day without living my passion even for once but for u----A big thanks to u bro  ,Now i know  and beleive i will live my passion in whatever forms i can till my last  --for me nothing gives me more happiness than living my passion-Writing--without u i would never had a opportunity,,Luv u Brother  :)
     
      
   Exactly how does it feel to live your passion?
           "  Its when ur heart feels light ,,when ur mind is free from pressures ,,,when u feel the child in u  coming out for few minutes,, its when ur thoughts bring only smile -when the world seems the happiest place to live - U love life like never before "

    "NEVER LET PASSION BE YOUR DREAM --WAKE UP
  LIVE YOUR PASSION ONCE--U WILL LOVE UR LIFE LIKE NEVER BEFORE" 
                                        
                                                         There is not a single soul born in this world who doesnt have a passion,,a die hard love for something the heart yearns ,,the mind plans for perfect execution --the world a platform to perform BUT,,tht is a big but --sadly the ticket for the performance in world is measured by a factor called "MONEY" and for those who have the ticket to perform there are no audiences ---fate plays the perfect game with people who have either of one making sure they miss the other ,,the obstacles to realise a passion is so huge - family,society,,surrounding ,financial condition all have a bearing in our quest to realise our passion,,--i have seen countless people having endless thirst striving to get one chance to fulfil their passion,,because passion as a whole is not same for every individual ,,it differs from person to person

                                                      So many years ago when i was in school i usually laughed at a singing master who was very old then --probably in his 80s then ,,he used to wear a hat ,,a perfect white and white dress tucked in,,,i used to laugh at him because he used to sing with almost all his teeth gone ,,,but the moment he started singing he had a brightness in his face,,he never cared us small kids laughing at him ,,,i once asked him innocently "Master ,,Im sorry i laughed at u but dont u feel bad for us all laughing and making fun "--he replied "60 years odd im doing this --"Singing is My Passion "---i will do it till my last --its like living a dream son --sumday u will know "
                                                       Im sure that person wont be alive for me to interact now ,but his words now make hell a lot of meaning - 20 years back when my schoolteacher asked me "Whts ur passion"--"I said i will ask my dad and tell u miss"--12 years back --another teacher asked me same in college --I said  --I m not sure now--will say u alter--- 6 years back ---the girl who i endlessly admire for her mesmerizin words forever --said --"U know whats ur passion--u have buried it for ur desires to be perfect son,,the perfect family guy,,the person the world will love --Before its time make sure u live your passion for one day --u will love ur life like u never did before --trust me "
                                                       Life is a collection of answers  for tricky questions posed by fate ---the ultimate momento is given by urself and not by others---if u answer the question "have i lived my passion once ,,just once--IN THE AFFIRMATIVE -"then its like living a dream --you live just once --why go to the grave not tryin for what the heart loves more than anythin else"--while its true not everyone is blessed with all the tools ,but the  truth is  thats also the answer for realising the dreams --the tools need to be found to live our passion--ultimately there lies happiness,,sume wants to be a reader ,,a writer,,a editor ,a painter,a actor ,,a webdesigner,,a traveller ,,a pilot ,,,etc ,,so many,,the fields are  endless ,,but when the pages of life unravel before u ,at some point u will know the special desire of your heart lies in one unique thing. 
                                                 Fate is not cruel always --it gives u opportunities for u to exhibit ur passion,fate gives us people who make us realise that "Life is not a bad game after all,,,its slightly unfair ,,but it offers u help in the form of great frds,,supportive family,,everlasting love from a partner pushing u to ur dreams --whilst it fair make the most out of it ,,because as i said its sighty unfair ,,lol!!
            "Whatever u do everyday might not be ur  passion--what u want to do everyday is passion"
 Sighning off with the broadest of grins and happiest of hearts in years
 Shan,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,to be continued ,,,lol!!!!!
                                                
            
                                               

Theres sumthing special abt the word "Memories" !!!

                   "Every dawn is not entirely new because i know it is painted with ur memories sumwhere "
                                     Every Morning i wake up not to anger--surely not in nothingness --but to a thought of sumone i love or loved  --and even with a tear it always brings a smile,,a belief ,,Where does it really come from?--from a very unique word  "Memories",,I treasure some memories so deeply that it pulls me out of gravest of holes even at this time ,,At a stage where most of my buddies are well into their married life -- as a individual my best companions in practical life are just a laptop and mostly lifeless things -- Memories ought to be my best companion because if i dont have them my life will be like a empty book with a beautiful cover page .
                                     A loss of a lovable person doesnt seem like a pain when u learn to live ur life with their memories ,,,there was a beautiful person in my life--who taught me how to love a person even when they r not with u -During the time when i struggled like hell  then to come out immediately of  the sudden passing of my mom -the person showed me the way to channelise my life with their memories she many times quoted -"If u love sumone deeply u will learn to live with their memories with or without them -Trust me ",,the person who said those powerful words is not with me eithernow  ,, But the truth is 9 years later after my angelic mom died  i can still  smell my Moms Saree,,i can still feel her hand --those rough hands of tireless works for her children even though it is nine years since i had felt tht ,,whenever i see her pic i just kiss her in air ,,feeling her cheeks exactly same way i felt almost a decade ago-exactly thts what memory does,the truth might it brings along might be too cold but the warmness it gives to the heart is undeniable.
                                   Memories are not what u choose to live in--its what u unknowingly experience at the very moment -to remember or forget is ur choice --but always the best choice is remeberin them --u never know when it might be needed--i write these days in remembrance of memories of the people who have graced my life then and grace my life now --my life is a unique experience--be it my sisters,,my soulmate,,my best frds,,noone live near me to feel the experience live,,,memories keep me goin,,keep me smiling,keep me fighting
                                      U judge urself with ur loved ones --sumtimes its good --sumtimes its bad ,,,but there is no denying it never happens--at the end of the day u r left with urself to decide the course of the next day ,,for the last couple of years i have judged myself exactly on the same scale ,,whats the thing that keeps me going despite the hurdles ,,the troubles, the fights,the self questioning?,To admit "Im a completely fulfilled person at this point"would be as blunt a lie imaginable .
                                    No matter what life will go on--with or without persons u loved in life but never fail to remember the beautiful moments-- the memories -- By doing so u will always get hell a lot of energy and a heart warming smile .

 Signing off quoting sumthing i wrote in remembrance of memorable sumone

                     "The one thing that connects u to me still is our memories
                     Little did i knew the moments i spent then would become now memeories
                     As the sun   is to sunflower ur memory will be for my life
                    Ur life may have become history-- Ur love was always a mystery
                  As long my memory doesnt fade me ur memories will forever be cherished"

     And yes memories is sumthin that i cherish most--it kept me goin then and it keeps me goin now too:)
                                           
                                               
                                 

"Flame" And " Darkness" !!!

                    Well after a gap here im again -- this blog is purely written on personal self defining moments experienced in recent past,(Special Thanks to   Rohit  Garhwal ,Anu Singh,Nathiya,Dipu ,Mr and Mrs Ravi,Hasini,Shanks,  :) )

                     Self admittedly i have been a poor reader all my life --recently few months back i happened to read a old book and i was fascinated by couple of topics in it ,,,regarding the relation between flames and darkness,i took some excerpts of them and kept it in a file  to read it sumday if at all  ,,At that time when i read that i found it interesting but did not get the real meaning of the topics ,,but very recently i happened to experience the real meaning of it ,,,i wanna share the thoughts regarding the same 

                     I was going through some tough physical complications when all i could do was lie on the floor and look upto the walls for days with loneliness as my new and uncalled companion ,,it was self implicated trouble but it was beyond physical ailment that started examining me to the core -I was beginning to feel scarily lonely --for a 30 sumthin guy it was rare to feel so insecured but i did ,When unbound love is shut out by fate --you have no option but to become desperate ---i had unbound love from very few ppl --some very spl ppl--but not at the very moment --By cruelty of fate they were not with me ,,not even in this world ,,the scariest night of my life followed ---i felt for the first time in my life --desperate helpless loneliness ,,here i was experiencing the most scary night of my life with unbearable pain physically and mentally .

                    I got advice from my good  frd Rohit Garhwal --to read books and be away from all my social activities,,i sumhow felt tht as a good advice and i went in search of the sumthing to read ,as i did not have reading as a habit i was searching,, suddenly i found a file  where i had taken some excerpts of those topics which i felt interesting to have a look again ,,because i was close to shutting the doors of almost all hopes  ,i had nothing to lose really so i took them to read  ,,,it was a tamil book which i had taken some excerpts and i quote in english the excerpts i read in them below

                    "There will be a time in your life when u will be left with a emptiness or loneliness which is inevitable in almost every life--the duration might be different but the occurence are undeniable -its what u compare  the  very moment in ur life with the words "Flame" and "Darkness"---at the moment when u think when the world is  the last place  u wanna be --it is like u will be surrounded by complete darkness in life --engulfed by darkness but even at such a terrible time when loneliness and darkness go hand in hand there will always "be a moment of spark -- a moment where the darkness will be enlightened by a flame --its for u to choose the moment to follow the flame" as the best option because the other "is waiting for darkness to clear which may never occur ultimately leading to us to be forced to follow darkness and eventually get swallowed by it  "

                        This was the excerpt i read twice again and again because it was a monumental assertion of how life is to be seen ,loneliness is scary but it teaches u sumthing --"To Feel Lonely means u were not lonely till the moment u felt so "--for me tht was the spark -i might have lost the most beautiful mom in  the world ,the best girl imaginable  and couple of others to fate but still there had to be sumthing else which prevented me from feeling lonely all this while  ,,"that lonely"--for me my passion for words ignited my thoughts --and thankfully i had my best soulmate who was forever there to read my words and couple of frds who were always there to hold me when i was down never mind seein them was a improbability ,,but i felt the spark--i saw the flame and desperately clung on to it ,,for the next few days i dwelled only on them and nothing else

                        For me it is nothing short of victory to be here again doing what i love most after what i had gone through in the last fortnight --for me it was about words--for u it might be sumthin else--but there is a simple line  we have to remember through everythin--- Be it loneliness,,scariness,fear or   any other terrifyin  feeling ---THERE IS A WAY THROUGH EVERYTHIN -sayin it from the bottom of my heart after feeling every bit of it ,

Cheers -See ya very soon :)

Sumtimes the Inspiration u r looking might very well be "You".

This blog is sumwhat different from my blogs ,,its collection of true heart quotes of two persons whom i know dearly ,,or let it be two fantasy persons --but ultimately i felt that is reflection of what a persons mind genuinely goes through during tough times and the right spirit of two entirely diffferent mindsets end at same point--

 

"Im not brave--Im not fearless,,Im alone-But I have faith in me as long as i breath

every time im down --i try to rise --and will do till the day i keep on trying--because

sumwhere ,,sumone is watchin ---to emulate u,dont search for that person -dont stop

trying either--because sumtimes its not a question of living -its question of fighting

the inner demons and winning them fair and square-sumone else is waiting for baton

to be passed and carry the journey"

The other guy equally going through troubled times feels

"Im scared if the next moment is the last -have i done my bit? --Are there ppl who still

care about me? ,,do i have hurt sumone without sayin sorry?,,,im sick ,,will i be up to

rectify all these ,,what abt my future ,,my wife ,my to be born baby who is yet to see

the world -what am i gonna do ---I dont have answers to all these but i have

only one thing for sure ,,i will rise again at any cost "

Two persons going through hell ,incident after incident ,,accident after accident ,,trouble after trouble,,humiliation after humiliation,struggle after struggle ,,yet inbetween there are moments that are sprinkled with joy ,,very few ,,the other factors outshine them and throw them to pieces to be noticed ,,yet sumwhere there is this feeling for stronger of the two

"I give a damn as long as im alive i will keep punching above my weight "

The other more fragile loner with nothing to back except his will and unseen love from very few souls -reflected the same feelings in different manner

"I dont have guts to quit --so im gona do what i usually do--keep tryin to rise "

 In  reality both have a common end point although in a different perspective 

It doesnt need a film or leader or a winner or a known person to be a inspiration to you when you are down --"SUMTIMES THE INSPIRATION MIGHT BE WHAT YOU ARE ALREADY "

"Keep Fighting and Keep Rising "

Cheers