Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Life Goes On!!!

                                                           Every human beings lives in this world will be decorated by special human beings other than our family,,,for our family it is a duty --but for certain other special people i have wondered  what is it tht makes  our life look more than what it is for them ?Love --probably Yes ,,friends---probably No,that is my perspective --not general--and i have added the word probably not surely ,,,well,,today was one of the darkest days of my life,,not that life throws just one such day --its one among many --my heart was lost ,,my eyes was rolled to skies ,,my head was spinning backwards,,the pain felt insurmountable--  My sister Deepa Ravikumar & My  Gud frds Manju ,Sandeep  all tried their  best to make me feel  alrite with what less time they had despite their busy work times,Im thankful to everyone of them no ends :) (Vasanth ,Mathi,Nirmal -had fun in their own inimicable way --its after all with ur frd --brother and mate who else u can have fun-enjoyed tht too budies-luv u all !!)
                                                          But beyond all this there were desperation ,,disappointment,,,struggles to shake off the humiliation and embarassment and heart prickin incidents of yesterday,,, i thought "throw in the towel and quit probably ?I cant stand this --im feelin bad ,,endless thoughts ,,endless pains ,Its when i  accidentally saw a mail written by sumone --5 yrs back --She is the inspiration behind my words other than my mom--she was the reason for me havin few very good mates in girls ,,,she is the reason probably im still single too!!  --maybe i was unfair with her ,,i never understood the meaning of the mail then  --in which she had hidden pain in words coated with fun--i could today realise the magnamity of  what  her pain was  -- Pain in heart  is a worse disease if unattended--it will stay on for life -the reason might differ but the meanings are same --i could not sleep yesterday --whilst i dont want to open up whats the stuff was about--its just a run a mill stuff of every over 25s life--but u learn in life things the hard way,let me quote lines from tht mail which mirror my exact situation now in words 
                                                       "Yes i was humiliated,,yes im embarassed ,,yes i felt bad ,,but it is what life is all about Shanmu(there are only 3 ppl who call me tht way ) --i want to die today after hearin the word i never wanted to hear  but i got a question ---Why run after death?--it will come one day surely ,,instead run after ur goals,,run after the one thing u want most ---before your time runs out !,"my whole life is in front of me ,,but i m already wounded --im already handicapped by fate,,my destinations seems unreachable !!,what should i do now? My answer "Just keep running as much as u can ---if u do fall sumwhere who knows god might be sending you sumone with a stretcher to carry u to your destination,,but if i sit with pain without running towards my goal how will god know im after what i want desperately "--These are not my lines --copy pasted cleanly,lol
                                                   How right she was then,,    Today if i quit ,,not only God ,,my close ppl wont know what im runnin for !! Yes i understand  quitting is the easy way out of all the miseries of this world ,,but the purpose of my life ? ,,the goals i have set for myself ,,the ppl i want to see bfore my time runs out,,the angel who might be waiting for me to take her alongwith my travails of life--what will happen to all this and more  ??It will be like  a book with just introduction and just blank pages after tht  ,i feel gutted tht i cant say this holding sumones hands or  lying on sumone shoulders ,But beyond everythin Life Goes On ( i feel like im holding her hands and sayin this "Im not quitting today because i have decided to run even though im wounded badly  "

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