Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Tears Are The Best Words A Heart Cant Express!!

            "How powerful is our tears -- more powerful than what we think "

                   I felt the urge to write this blog because few days back i wanted to break down very badly to release the pressure my mind was feeling but i did not -i don't have my sweetest persons near me ,my all time best frd hurt me badly so much so it brought a uneasy silence in my heart ,neither do i have my miraculous girl nearby me --everyone live far apart -so in all ways if i shed tears i will be washed away by destiny -if i want to defeat the ever surfacin fears of life --this is the best way -holding on my tears -hoping one day using them all together when there  are moments that are   undeniably joyful (damn sure there will be some soon) !!

                        Today there are million reasons for me to cry --thousand  reasons to feel sickening bad --hundred reasons to feel sad that i have mouths that wanna curse me more than hands that are ready to support me---i have few good hearts to wish me good --a miraculous girl who lives so far but offers a invisible hand always in tough times ,a job that was  not my first wish but my best destiny in these times --all these make me all the more strong believer that if u wanna take on ur fears u have to first hold back ur tears,,turn desperate moments into life changing decisive moments

         One of the most powerful emotions but often negatively referred one is of our tears ---Who taught me to cry ??--how did it came naturally??--the answer is simple --its the same god who made u smile without anyone teaching --but often a smile is referred to as something of happiness but tears are always referred as  some sought of negativity --in reality not all tears are exhibition of loss or bad things ,,in my view it is powerful weapon if used properly to defeat out demons --the key lies in using them less ,,holding them back a tad little --sumtimes its what will give u impetus to be more fierced and focussed

        I remember the first time i cried --i got what i want --it was like a chocolate that i was addicted to --when i needed to get sumthing i just cried-i thought my tears is a boon that will get me anythin--i never realised that it is one of the ultimate weapons u need if u had to defeat ur demons and fears-the first time i failed in exams in my teens made me cry to hide the truth that  i started to become careless,,it started a regular habit of using it to escape the true wrath from people whom i love,,my boon was working wonders --i was slipping under the notice of everyone in the mask of my tears --little i knew abt what followed few years later

      The fear of failing and standing up to be counted made me try to use my tear as a  mask to escape the wrath of truth --i felt to be sucessful in my attempts then  --thats probably the pain and gain of youth --you know u r doing something wrong yet u wanna do it --then out of teens --out of college --the world seemed suddenly brighter than ever --with a plethora of shocks happening in matter of  very short time--my mom who had seen most of my tears left --and with it left what all i had --my belief ,,my confidence ,my love for dresses ,,my motivation to live ---and finally the "boon i thought i had owned also left"--i stopped to get tears when i wanted --suddenly there was no escape from the things i feared ,,then i realised if it had to be  a meaningful life ,i had to use my tears as my primary weapon against my fears and inner demons

    After all a normal ordinary commoner cannot be a superman --he has to learn to manage with what he has -that is exactly what i decided to do--if i wanted to goto my desired path it required sumthing very strong-i was confronted with continuous terrible situations which demanded nothing but tears ,,i wanted to but i held them back with great difficulty--every time i wanted to break down i just became more strong that if i break down it will be after i have tried my mighty best to not --it was unusual situations ---for a normal person--the important things in life are mom,our dream angel ,.,small small dreams which we work so hard --no different in my case --but they exitted pretty fast than it entered my life ---i just learnt if i start releasing my tears i would be even more vulnerable person than i m ,thankfully to god and some good happenings i realised it before too late

 Finishing with the line from my personal diary i wrote recently when i was about to shed a tear or two abt a very special someone

   "A smile masks truth sumtimes
    but tears always shows what u feel
    U heard my tears when none did
    now i hold mines to listen your smile sumday "
                            Cheers  :)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

"Your Life Was Like A Beautiful Flower With Everlasting Fragrance And Will Be So Forever - R.I.P !!

                          In remembrance of the girl who was a miracle in my life --on her 3rd anniversary --You were a miracle who i never believed until you left --Miss you always--R.I.P
                "U never appreciate what you have when u have "----i dont know about others but this fits me well,,the best things u have in your life dont last forever --but when u realise the worth ---u know its pretty late --nothin freezes in this world --no matter how much we wish it to be so with certain parts of our lives 

                Sum people are meant to be immortal --My beautiful mom is certainly like that in my life and if anyone gave me goosebumps as much as my moms memories did it was u -my dear angel --God knew probably not everyone born in this world are genius to know the purpose of their lives ,thats why he sent people like you to make the world a better place .

                 U were the person with the second best smile i had seen in my life --the girl who lived a life to fullest even though it was all but 26 years in this world --Scaringly good  in looks and talks ,exceedingly amazing as a writer --till date the best writer who has inspired me to write whatever my heart feels  --some of her words  were amazing for me ,,a bundle of positive energy ,,a flower with a ever lasting fragrance --that is how i will remember you and by few other words u uttered like

                " Your anger is like drizzle in a breeze--but your love is like breeze itself "--Probably the best lines i have ever been complemented in my life

                " I cant think abt my future --it brings fears-i dont think about the painful past either --it brings fears --but this moment is what it all counts --if i die the next moment --i will be a happy person alright "

                "My life is not a bed of roses --who cares--i will take the roses --this life is not such a bad place to be"

                "I know love came to me naturally--i dont want to live artificially ever since it came"(She loved a useless guy for 6 years relentlessly )

                "Im not what you see but if this is what makes you happy --i will be so forever  "--you were  always keen on doin somthing for others ,3 years since u have left the admiration and respect only grows on what a amazing human being you were

                 A ardent sincere worker in social organisations and a regular visitor to orphanages --i remember u  once said seein orphanages kids --"we could have been very well one of them --maybe god was kind on us --i dont want them to feel that god was not kind on them --atleast for these few hours im there they musnt"-i must reiterate here that  i was never a believer in all these stuffs earlier in my life but now do .

                 Maybe you were  always born to be misunderstood --you were the calmest person i have seen in my life--nothing stopped you from trying your best in everything you did --you were the miracle i never believed ,,the person who silently influenced my thoughts--the reason behind me understanding that relationship and friendship are sumthin very important in life --maybe  you the reason i sumtimes believe that a girls love and care are incomparable to anything in this world  --its my perspective

                Now everytime im pressed to break a friendship or a relationship --i remember you --you never broke a relationship even when you had few  quarrels ,,it was easy for sumone like u who never had ego,anger ,,Your life was lesson in itself --a book-- whose pages i never get tired in reading them --a very sincere and wonderful meaningful life ,,

              I know u must be at peace with God ,,or rather i should say he must happy having sumone like you along with him,,you were remarkable ,,unbelievable and one of the purest souls i have ever known in my life --your memories are cherished --Yours was a life that had nothing but good deeds and it was excruciatingly sad to see your end succumbed to the one thing you were a  incomparable queen--- "Love"

           I end with what i wrote on your first anniversary
             "Death is a coward --it follows us like a shawdow till our last and on our last moment comes in front of us and smiles --but i bet when it did come in front of u--it would have said "Sorry""
                            "R.I.P my evergreen Queen of Love "---Thanks for the unforgettable memories and moments
  With Lots of respect and admiration----Your Good friend :)

Friday, September 16, 2011

Its Heart And Will That Matters ---U Proved It Right --"Happy Bday Rohit Garhwal -My Brother"!!!

 "All I have is my heart and soul thats all,,,but with them  i will make sure there is a meaning for what im here"
             "  Dedicated to my luvely brother Rohit Garhwal --On his birthday ---Sep17---happy bday bro--u have been a hell of a inspiration !! "

With Rohit Garhwal 3 years back in Bangalore
Unforgettable memory of meeting a unforgettable person!!
                The first time i saw this brother of mine was in bangalore in Dec 2008 ---after being online frds for more than 3 years till then -the first meeting told me this guy was  wunderful human being --i landed in railwy station at 3.30 in mornin --my train was schduled to be at 5--and i knew noone other than him there,,and there he was ,,waitin with a unforgettable smile at 3.30 in mornin ,the sincerity and care to hel sumon whom trusted him be it at cost of his comforts was unique -its amost now nearly 6 odd years i hve been friend to this guy and its just been a pleasure and priveleage to be a friend to such a wunderful human being --one of the best guys i have known in life for his soft nature ,, helpin tendency and remarkable humility despite achievin o much so young
                I was never pushed to my limits in my young age ,born in a above average family --i did not have to put the hard steps to earn my due ,,,in that sort of way i never knew wht it will be for sumone to do the opposite of what i was in my young age ,,,it never struck me until i met this person Rohit Garhwal---yes you may question --whats the big deal --he's your friend --u r entiltled to say so --but have a look at the articles on this guy u will know what im sayin about

                              The world knew this guys was special  because he was so obviously talented ,,he could not be left out for long not being noticed,,  ,,but i know personally how much hard work it has taken him to be  what he is now ,,,how many stressful nights ,,how many days with bleak future beckoning ,,walkin in the streets with weary legs and weary mind of constant travelling and a tirin job pushing him to limits in every aspect ,,with a troublesome financial conditions and a family to be looked into ,,absolutely nothing to fall upon and everythin to be cursed ,,hearing  all these  news scared me sumtimes that he was destined to go downhill --but nothin made him give up his dream --his destination was always impossible as it seemed but  ,,he was always after it with belief hunting down at it relentlessly,,till it eventually appeared in  his realms of possibilities !!!
               Now a secured future in prospect ,,the  guy works even hard in his  hard earned seat in IIM Ahmedabad ,,,nothin is substitute to him for hardwork ,,,The scary future ,,the tired legs ,,the heavy worload of takin care of a family ,,,forlorn talks of pursuin his dream instead of his family and surrounding --i could imagine how dicey a decision  it might have been to bury your dream for a equally required necessity of accepting responsibility .
             Not one soul i remember be it  his friends( few of whom are my best frds now)  or ,from his lovely sister -have one different opinion abt him-all have same admiration for him as i have -yet he walks away as if hes least bothered and hes not one for the adulation he richly deserves ,,,his humility stood out always ,,,yes he has his flaws but who doesnt ,,but hes to me better than many that he accepts his flaws ,,works on his strengths and takes every torturin ,treacherous situation as a challenge to be quelled ,,i know many of his achievements are damn good  because some of them were in my childhoods dreams ,,,i left those dreams midway and succumbed to pressures,,sumtimes to see that achieved by ppl whom u admire and love sumwhat brings peace to a forgone guilt ,"To you  brother --its been the most heart warming story that i have seen in my life--despite blow after blow --the single bloody mindedness of  a gritty fighter u are --finally you are on the way u rightfully deserve--u deserve every praise that is possible ,,,for u have carried urself with highest possible dignity ,unparalled love for ur close mates ,,and mind bogging sincerity in every field u go ,,as far as role model,,gud human being ,,brilliant person,,affectionate brother--u have been the perfect example if i had ever to cite one !!
          "THOUGH KNOWN FOR 6 ODD YEARS -I HAVE MET THIS WONDERFUL BROTHER IN REAL JUST ONCE AND SPENT JUST 6 ODD HOURS"--i wonder what i would have been if i had the opportunity to have spend more time with him in real,,some ppl are  born to inspire ---u r surely one for me alright  ---Happy bday Rohit Gaddu Garhwal!!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Happy Birthday Ma Beautiful Mom

          Wishin the person who made me what im --on her 53rd bday -Happy Birthday to the most wunderful person i had in my life --My Mom
            The best thing that happened in my life was been born to great parents ,,specially a very very unique mother ,,,Mothers are very special --you were very very special ---you not only literally gave life to me --You gave me the real meaning and direction of my life --you were nothing short of magical and miraculous in my life
         There was a time in my life when days and nights were all together with you by my side ,,,My best memories of my school life was you--i had not much friends --i had not much fun--i was not bright ,,i was not much liked --but i had you--you wanted me to do sumthing  beyond my true capability,,i could not fail u ,,ur true love --it made me do things against my wish
          Then there was a time when i refused to goto college --discontinue it in the middle--low on confidence --fear of acheiving my ambition ---my fears never scared u as it threatened me---i saw at that moment that i was living with a very special person--a person who beleived in me than i did or was capable of
          I remember touching your hands every day as years went it had become so rough --u always smiled touching my cheeks saying nothing,,,now i realise why---seein the washing machines nowadays -i remem those days how u use to wash all tht with your own hands for your  children to look bright -- --i knew always  u were  the best thing that happened in my life
          I dont remember one moment when u slapped me or hit me in anger which u had all the rights and reasons to do so many times -where did u get all the patience ?--where did u get all that love and where did u get tat wonderful smile ?---i could not find answer to them all ,,but i cherish that smile --gosh u had a smile that i never saw in anyone --unmatched heavenly smile !
         I now can understand how u celebrated ur birthdays --i can see my own locker having lot of shirts i got on your bday and i saw your own locker recently it had the same things --nothing had added --your bday was meant to be celebrated for your children to have gifts and sweets ,,nothing for u --absolutely nothin
         I remember asking as a young boy --do u also go to god?--u replied wth a smile ---"I wont ,,i will be with u as long as u want "--u kept ur word alright --u still remain with me --not physically but in every other means possible
         Probably the only relationship that never expects anythin in this world is that of a mother ---in my case that was true --you never expected me to reach ur dreams ---you always made me try to realise that my  dreams were possible --I saw god in you till you were with me --i was absolute useless piece of mud till u decided to change my life --i dont know whether i changed  as u wanted   or realised my dreams a u wished  --but i know  i tried and am tryin  hard now too because of all your efforts ,for ur unbridled care and love u showered on me like none
          From the moment i held ur hand to walk in my childhood  to the time i waved goodbye in my school time,to the time i came back running to you in fear of failing in my life to hold ur hand tight again ,,,to the time i finally held it to kiss farewell forever ---i remember every moment --those were the best happiest moments of my life --i never wanted to recreate those moments -i treasured each and every moment -my walk without you had no pattern initally but slowly it had ,the more i realised what a wunderful person i had ,the more i realised about ur wishes and dreams ,,now im a better man ,,a calmer guy ,,,but with more admiration and amazement of what a special person i had not realisin then but nowa very proud son for having such a great mother
         So here it is --to the most complete person i knew ,,to the most lion hearted lady who defied even death ,,to the angel who made me realise my worth ,to the most influential person of my life ,to the most amazin person i had in  my life ---to my wunderful mom ,,
                Your luving Son,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Shanmu .

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

A detail look into Irom Sharmila and Human Right Activist Sengodi --How many of us know about them ?--Is Fame the Name Of Game Always ?


Irom Sharmila--Arrested,,forcefully fed ,,arrested again--how many of us know her struggles--11 LONG YEARS FASTING
               Annas Hazareji's effort may have finally ended in sucess ,,,although its still debatable till its actually brought in use ,,its a victory for indian people --Hazareji represented people wish and fought wonderfully ,but there was one incident which irked me ,,i read that Hazareji had written a letter to " Irom Sharmila "to come and join with him in corruption,i felt it grossly unfair personally ,,while im supporter of Hazareji non violence sincere fights against a corrupted govt ,,i still feel it was not right personally to ask her support when noone had helped her in her 11 year struggle 
              I read few days later that "Irom sharmila "calling the fight as artificial ---i could understand her pain --she was not against hazarejis fight ,,she was not able to believe her 11 yr struggle has got no recognition while
Tv channels,,,news media ,,,made the fasting as one of the most publicised events in indian history ,,,while its appreciable of the efforts to bring corruption --u cant help but think its for increasing TV ratings and garner fame in whatever way possible --if not so i would like to ask the following questions
       *  Why has Irom Sharmila struggle not been recognised and why hazareji wrote a letter to her when he had not helped her in her fight in any way --even a support letter when she was strugglin?
       *  11 years to  this Novemeber she has been on fast --force fed ,,arrested ,,released,arrested ,,yet her single issue of  erasing a dangerous controversial law which ultimately consumed many people not brought to limelight --it seems price of her life even matters nothing because it doesnt bring fame --shortly  all these tv channels ,,media find it no worth as there doesnt seem to be guarantee of fame ( A leading news channel in today's newspaper clearly carried out their motive as they took great pride in mentioning that their   news channel highly watched during fasting  --refer--Times of India -06/09/11,,)
      *Why were people not brought to awareness of her struggle --how many of us know who she is and what her struggle is for --here it is 

Who is Sharmila?
Irom Sharmila Chanu is  also called The Iron Lady of Manipur. Born on March 14, 1972, Sharmila is a political activist who has been on a fast since November 2, 2000, when she was just 27-year-old. She demanded that the Centre repeal the  Armed Forces (Special Powers) Act, 1958 (AFSPA), which allowed the Army to indefinitely detain any citizen on suspicion of being a rebel. Having refused food and water for more than 10 years, she has been called “the world’s longest hunger striker”. The government is now force-feeding her with the help of a tube in judicial custody. She was arrested on charges of “attempt to commit suicide” and released after completion of a year’s sentence since  Section 309 of the IPC says a person who “attempts to commit suicide” is punishable “with simple imprisonment for a term which may extend up to one year.
   If u think thats unfair  the following incident  is sadly even more unfair      

When will people support such actions -we all saw wht people power did to the government ---how much do u need to show the importance of ur fight --GIVE UP UR LIFE ----WELL EVEN THT WAS NOT ENOUGH --- HUMAN RIGHTS  ACTIVIST SENGODI  --WHO COMMITTED SELF IMMOLATION FOR THE RELEASE OF TRIO WHO ARE CONDEMNED TO GALLOWS --HARDLY GOT THE NEWS,,
 Activist Sengodi's written letter---a leading newspaper wrote that she did this on love failure --this proves it was not for tht
Human Right activist Sengodi after self immolating her --heart wrenching scene 

 While i personally felt she could have stood and fought in a different way , ,,,in the end even sacrificing her life has got no attention and a leading newspaper put it across in the most pathetic manner saying she died because of love failure ,,Unbelievably careless or unbelievably arrogant--god knows!! ,,but i  thought a 11 day fast garnered unbelievable support from us all but what abt all these peoples noble efforts,why r we kept in dark ,,is it not time to make a statement in these incidents --is it not duty of media ,paper ,,us to do sumthing abt it?

    Irom Sharmila might be in fasting for her life if we dont recogonise the cause of her fight ,,,we wont stop more self immolation like social activist Sengodi if we dont understand the cause ,,the need ,,But sadly as things roll on its obvious tht fame is the name of the game ,,,and we just seem to be following it like robots programmed to be so ,,

     "Be the change you want to see --Mahatma Gandhiji words "---the question is" Do we want to see a change ??--If "Yes" is the answer then we should start doin sumthin about such incidents ,,do our bit in tryin to do sumthin for things like this to not happen again,,,For a change let us not go after fame and make it follow us  if needed by fighting for more causes than just one ,,the final line should be simple -if there is injustice we will stand up --it should be same for media ,,politicals activists and everyone --otherwise we might just be seeing endless Irom sharmilas and sincere souls like Sengodi(May her sincere soul R.I.P) immolating themselves ,,,it should be stopped and i know only one force can do it -"People"--wishing it happens sumday ,,,,,

(I hope it is understood all these are strictly a personal views told in better interest of awareness to few-and not meant to hurt anyone --if hurt unknowingly im sorry for tht --the purpose of my blog is certainly not tht )


Sunday, September 4, 2011

Couple Of Nosecuts --Pleasant Thought Provokin Ones But !!!

                                           Ok todays blog  is about the past weekend where i got lot of nosecuts but meaningful ones nevertheless
          Nosecut 1;
                          I met one of my friends father who i knew the best part of 5 years,,sumtimes he surprised me with his too orthodox style and meticulous workethics--his life seemed too computerised to me hardly showing any emotions at all so much his son,daughter and family all sort of hated them ,,as it happens with stupid bachelors like me we are left sumtimes with no explanations when we r caught with ppl whom we dont like much,,we have to sit along with them and just listen to silence with unwanted people,,,
                         I noticed him writing a address from a piece of newspaper cutting,,,he was writing  and keeping a few 10 rupee notes in them ,,i was curious and asked him "Uncle whats it u r doing?"---his answer was look with irritation,,obviously he did not like me or my question at tht time ,sumhow i dont know i thought is he thinkin too much of himself --ok let me  make  more irritated then ",i asked bit mockingly "what u r gona send ur amount to president of america ?"---i thought he might get angry but why care ,,he disrespects everyone ,,let him learn sumthin?--to my amazement he turned back to me and said calmly --u wanna know what im doin rite --im sending 40 rupees to this hospital for this ad in the newspaper ,sayin so handed me that cutting of news paper --it had a advertisement of a family appealing to the public asking for help for a kidney transplantation for a kid --i read it and saw him again
                     He continued "i was born in a very poor family --my mother said to me i was helped by a village elderly person for expenses of my birth ---there was not a day where my mom would not mention that --im a middle class man --earning just pension now -- but ever since my first month salary i have been doin this ,,though i cant spend much i make it point to never stop to send what is left ,,at the most i can send to just one person and i know its not much--i have been doin it for 36 years --my 40 rupees might not save tht person --i cant guarantee it ,,but wht if the person dies of not having the 40 rupees?? ,,,if the elderly person had not done tht then i would have never seen this world ,I dont see if its president  of America or anyone --my little  contributions will stop only  when my heart beat stops -i was given a calm lesson on why certain old people appear so odd ,,they see the priorities in life ,,while we see the flashiness in life ---nosecut and left dumbfounded bit,, i left the house with the thought have i ever done that in my life --if not when will i do sumthing like tht ---it got to me ,,the future will have the answer :)

Nosecut 2 ;
              This was with my frd with whom i always had funniest conversations ,,rarely serious talks i have with him ,,,he was sincere guy,funloving,hardworking, ,,as many he was bit by love bug --5 years -- still  waiting for his familys approval he had been tirelessly tryin ,,i always mocked him as much as a non believer of  the word "love" should do ---he again sadly said to me after a latest disapproval from his family "what am i gona do without her ?--how can i accept sum other girl in my life other than the girl i love ?(his dad was obviously askin him to marry a girl on arranged marriage )
              I as usual said  jokingly said to him---why u wanna be a devdas?i dont understand why u crib around this ---Is ur dad askin u to kill sumone for u to feel like this ? whats gona happen ??--he replied "Its about sumthin called "TRUST"--its killing the trust of sumone on me --its as good as killing sumone ---"I dont imagine a life with her  "(looking at me so fiercely with a ridiculous smile )---"I know my lifes is only with her "--so the trust will never be broken,,patted on my back and left 
           Mayb he was right ,,maybe i might prove him wrong--again i was left to thinkover bit--future holds the answer who knows??
           But i know one thing for sure ,,next time i must take extra minutes and think  before making a dig or end up with nosecuts like this --but they taught me few lessons --pleasant nosecuts they were though
:) :)