Saturday, September 21, 2019

As long as you live --forget the word "end " !!!

    This happened to me many years back ---when i was struggling to get over the toughest loss of my life --there was this marvellous motivation soul of my life,the best mate who made me fall even more in love with words  --who sat by my side and said probably the most important lines i forgot for a long time till a few days back .After the loss of my angel mom i was at loss of finding a reason to live life --She sat by me and our conversation was like this 

       Me --  Its excruciating to think i have to live a life without the light of my life -my mother --everything seems to be ending too fast 

      My Frd --   "LISTEN AS LONG AS YOU LIVE --FORGET THE WORD END --REMEMBER ONLY THE WORD "FIGHT "----YOUR MOM WAS THE BIGGEST EXAMPLE TO THAT "

She was perfectly right -- i had right in front of my eyes the one soul who never gave up -till her last --she kept uttering i will not give up for my children ---i never knew how gutsy she was till death eventually shamefully took that wonderful life --Everything  that has life has to eventually end --but thats just the beginning and end --the inbetween part is entirely ours--it doesnt matter how long or how short our time is in this world ---if we keep believing there is still time to realise atleast few of our countless dreams.

Despite countless troubles ,endless hurdles .improbable situations ,unbearable losses --just keep telling yourself --this is not the end ---as long as you live you can still make things better --there was short few lines  i read few years back --which makes life is what u make of it --more than what it makes u look like to everyone.Those lines were 

      " If you see every loss of something /someone as a leaf falling from a tree --then you will always feel there will be a new one growing in tht tree soon ---Never lose hope--as long as u live -just forget the word "end "!!!

   

Friday, March 15, 2019

Happy Bday To A Unforgettable Wonderful Human Being - Happy Bday Dipu !!


(The last six months of  my life has been the most depressing i have been in my life --- for the second time i was suffering from depression -- and i knew i was battling depression when i failed again and again to do what i loved most --write what my heart wanted --it was the only way i could speak from my heart for i was not a good a orator and nothin much else--pardon me if this blog  seems different because its like im restarting again for the best friend of my life --i have had many but  now i have almost none but u were there always in my past , present and  will be sumehow in the future too ---Happy BDay Daps)



" Your life is good if ur memories slide one by one leaving at the end with tears of untold joy in ur eyes "---To one beautiful soul who has been in the best and worst part of my life  as a wonderful supporter no matter what --being just what he promised to be when i met him more than a decade and half ago--"A True Friend")

                                             If at all there was a award for someone who made such a large amount of  true friends purely through social media ---it had to be me :p--i was damn lucky to have had met some wonderful gems through online --Here's the "Achilles heel" i learnt though that comes along with that tag of having many  online friends ---not all of them stick with u through ur good times and bad times --they just wither away due to fate and extreme level of expectations --but what won't wither is the beautiful memories u had with them -- the thought of  their desertion in your most desperate times will be a minor glitch in the whole beautiful picture (i hope to go in detail sumday :P).

                                           Sandeep Sheoron --- The first interaction with you was funny with your stupid shawn michaels dp in orkut searchin a friend with same name like me --fortunately or (unfortunately for u )--u sent a friend request that still remains the most important friend request i got in social media --i formed a chain from u to make so many of ur friends mine and their friends mine too --i was so fond of making friends that i failed to find the best ones among all the good ones --I realise now that it is as important to be true to sumone to expect them to be same to u,,its to me the most important trait in being a true friends,unfortunately i realised my mistakes bit late but letting go is also a art i guess --a part of life which is a must .

                                           Your memories with me go back a long time -- i used to have the best times with u while online chatting --- you --with a terriifc sly sense of humour ---a brute honesty - a heart that is the softest in the world ---which was rightfully given to another wonderful soft hearted soul --eventually being rewarded with "The brightest little angel in the whole world "--you have everythin in life because u deserved nothing less --if at all wishes had wings i wish it could fly to u and tell how many i have---they are countless--for a wonderful human being even the best things in this whole world wont be enuf .

                                           Nowadays we don't have time to know each other more --nowadays there is no time to crack jokes --no time to write mails --no time to talk -its the usual life of all frustrated "family responsible guys in the thirties "--we will keep running to reach one goal after and another --not realising what we are leaving behind ---we eventually run a race to our destiny all alone --but no destiny could erase the beautiful memories u gave me --the shoulder u gave me when i needed them (before this watsapp ,facebook revolution which i truly hate now :P),u are truly a brother i will happily take to me to even the toughest roads of life ---You will always be my lucky charm ,,my closest friend and now one of the few leftover good ones left in my life ---Thanks for being there and keep making many others life a living heaven by being urself in all their lives too ,,Have a wonderful bday with all around ,,,as for my gift ,,,,u have already got it :P:P:P!!!!--Have fun -luv u loads brother always ,,,,,till my last)

Sunday, September 9, 2018

Happy 60 th Bday Mom --Luv U forever !!!

 "Every time i see stars shining in the night time ---I feel you would be sumwhere there shining        brightly as you did in my life -- Happy Bday Mom -- your words will always be my guiding light"


                                           


For those who are reading this --If you have your mom with you ---go love her more -- hug her once again  --- thank them for their endless unconditional  love --i do the  same to my mom pic !!!











Thursday, August 30, 2018

Happy Wedding Anniversary To The most Wonderful Couple I Ever Knew In Life -My Parents !!!

             " Not everyone you meet you in life can be always  lovely ,always  wonderful , ever caring , mesmerisingly unforgettable  forever ---because no one will ever be like your " PARENTS".

Still remember everythin u taught me when u were with me  and after that too - MOM 
                                              I lost my wonderful angelic mother in 2002 in such a sudden shock that shook my entire life , i had the most wonderful 20 years of my life with her ,i remember as a eight year old how my mom celebrated my birthday as the biggest function in her life -- her love made me always as a 8 year old who refused to grow up believing the best time of my life will forever be stagnant ---but life has its own ways to wake u up and throw u to the wolves --to see whether you survive or just become a prey to the wolves in different forms of our lives waiting to pounce on us (I guess everyone who is in their mid life knows who and what these wolves are --they have so many different names and forms but their sole aim is to destroy us :p).
           



                                                There was this journey during her last few months that i realised i was not born to a great woman ---i felt i was a son to the most wonderful human being to have graced this world --even in her last few months she never cared about her --she kept asking the welfare of all of her close ppl --there was so many nights where i did not know what was coming and how much my wonderful mom was suffering ---i was just  that eight year old who thought one fine day all will be fine and i will be playing with her as always ---just that the " fine day" never arrived  -- some other day arrived ---one where i was forced to grow to know i was not a eight yr old anymore -- i was scared to live a day in a day without her but somewhere in everyone of those dark days i felt a ray of light --a hope in the most hopeless situation ---in every tough situation i could hear her words --i could see her grit in tough times as a example to fight anything life throws --In short she had prepared me to fight life with her and ,,,,,without her too .

Noone really cares about you like your DAD .
     "For everyone their first hero is their Dad - for me he will be the most important of all my heroes "

                                                      My dad was always my first hero as it is for all kids ---but one day in the summer of 2007 changed my perception of him forever - he became the hero i will forever remember in toughest time of my life ---i got a sudden call from my brother saying suddenly father had encurred a serious stroke  -- on the way to hospital our family doctor told us he should not fall unconsious as it would complicate the stroke ---we all three had not got married and we had no relatives support (our only support had been the people we met in our lives and stayed with us always ---our friends)--- on reaching the hospital he was placed in ICU and doctors had told it was critical that for the  next 48 hours  he should not fall unconsious as the stroke had happened in critical spot in brain ---me and my brother stood by him as he was tryin to speak sumthing --his speech was slurred of the sudden stroke --yet he tried to say something - me and my brother went to hear what he was saying --he just said very hardly yet very sternly ---" Dont Worry --i wont leave until i had fulfilled your mother's wishes and my duties "--We left reluctantly and came next morning --and the doctor just said --"Your dad saved himself by his own will power --he did not sleep even one minute --hes no ordinary man --and patted us on the back sayin --Don't worry"
                 
                                                      Your parents are the biggest gifts god gave you in life ---cherish them till they are with you --this journey called life from the beginning is never easy ---but nobody gives you more reasons to enjoy life than them --the memories they give you are countless and ever efferevscent --their words guide you in the most toughest moments --after all the journey might be urs but the path will always be what they showed you --to my parents who showed how to love ,how to respect ,how to live your heart in everything you do ---to two wonderful people who i will forever be indebted in life --- Happy Wedding Anniversary ---Thanks for the wonderful things you teach in life by being with me dad  and mom ,,,in your case ---thanks for still being with me even though u r not with me ---ur words will always be the light of my life ---I hope to you see you someday in the other side  maybe as a eight year old again :) ----until then keep watchin all of us getting old and your man---gettin even older and lovelier than ever !!!!




                            
                                                



Tuesday, July 10, 2018

After a point in life ,, you are just judged by wrong things and not for what u r - Doesnt matter-Just soldier on!!!!!

  " When i  was a kid life seemed like a circle where it was only about good
     When i grew up it was like a square where i ended up with good after bad times
      But now ,,,,its  like  a  never ending zig zag line !!!!"

 ( Disclaimer : To those who like only  feel good blogs and sugar coated lies plz skip this blog as this is strictly for fanatics who know the meaning of the word "LIFE")

                                     I'm gonna quote three different times in my life which has made me realise that there is nothing as fascinating as the life we live in --Our incidences may differ but the fascination of them are for one unique purpose only --to know the meaning why do we exist in this world .

28 th March ---- Some beautiful memories in the 90's--Nothing but love--Life as a circle  !!
                                       I had my best years in my life with the some of the most beautiful souls i ever knew in life ---i had a small family but as all of you a wonderful ,wonderful one ---as a kid the birthdays were the days u wait for the whole year ---i was no different but was different --i had no friends --i had my school teachers as my best friends and my family as the delightful star cast who celebrated my bday more than me -life was about smiling on the shoulders of my angel mom who knew nothing other than love for her children and family - she lived with me for such a short time but it was the best short time of my life with the person closest person to god in real life showing me life in the best meaningful way possible --my memories of that time have remained with me because all that i had were memories of ppl who gave me endless unconditional love .I had funny gifts like a green elephant from my dad --lifting me countless times --making me the happiest kid with the best memories of my life ,how i wish my life was stagnant then forever .But nothings lasts forever in life except "MEMORIES "!!


October 2002 - A lesson of endless love from a angel  -- When hope stayed through love !!!
                                           My last year in graduation was unexpectedly the most unforgettable -as i never knew i would say farewell to the angel of my life in the most brute manner possible --fate was trying to take my mother away swiftly --but what i witnessed was not just case of fate winning --it was a heroic fight of a love battle hardened woman who refused to be defeated by fate --because she had yet to witness her children settle down in life --she had yet to see her better half  grow old enuf to say gudbye --- one night in a famous hospital in chennai --while i was spending the night witnessing  her in bed in worsening health but refusing to show that to a young me --who thought waking up everythin would be fine --every single day --but that night i realised that not everythin is rosy in life -- i slept not knowing her endless pain but got to know the next day she did not want to disturb me in sleep --that was pure unconditional love --the last stages of unconditonal love i got in life was from the angel of unconditional love to all children --MOM ,But the untimely demise of my wonderful mom gave me different perspective of life through many friends --each of them showing a glimpse of the love i had got from the time i knew about myself .Life though in the most horrendous of times still showed me there is an oasis in such wretched times ,there was a feeling that despite everything love will prevail not anythin else ---only to be proved wrong later !!




Now,,,,,,,The realisation that it is not about love anymore --Its about Money ,Ego and Loneliness !!!
                                             After a certain point in life you realise that it is not about love in life anymore ---Something else would have overtaken that so silently and rudely --To put it in simple few lines i would like to quote

                  "  Your life now is about money you earn --ppl respect you accordingly
                      Your life is surrounded by people with egos bigger than you imagined
                      Your best friend is loneliness courtesy of those magical words "Money " and  "Ego"

                                             It hurts when your best mates judge you for money you earn --it hurts when respect is not about the person you are  --it hurts more when your best friend ditch you for a monster called "Ego" --it hurts when loneliness has put a arm around your shoulder and walks around as if it is your best friend.Life seems surely goin in a zig zag way with no destination at sight .

Yet ,,,,,Life will not end up this way i guess --as one of my best mates ( who lived all of 26 years,and sumone i wish i could have had now )  that keeps ringing me in my ears more than ever now

    " Life is like a butterfly - A butterfly may eventually look beautiful --but to reach that stage it has to go through so much transformation --like that you will have to go through endless peaks and troughs to know the real meaning of your life--No matter what happens --Life will go on !!!!

               

 
                          

Thursday, March 15, 2018

TRUE FRIEND !!!!!!

     
             "Life is a beautiful teacher--time its best companion -a true friend is the best lesson 
               we learn by both 

(Dedicated to one of my best friends ,one of the  most wonderful souls i have ever known in life--Happy Bday Sandeep Sheoron !!)

                                                         When you are born --you are born with nothing --then begins this process of our journey to find the meaning of life --the intricacies hidden in that journey is nothing short of the word "amazing "---its like multi layers hidden under one single block ---there are times when you feel like you have solved the whole riddle but then comes another ---similarly life gives you opportunity to meet people ,as they say 

          "  Every one u meet in life give you a opportunity to know about the purpose of your life "

                                                          I did not have many friends for my whole school life because my life was in a beautiful heaven with a angel who happened to be my mother with a short ,short life but who showed me beauty of life through her wonderful smile --the best lesson she taught was it was to find the best people to spend life -pity i realised her words only after she left me --but her words still ring in my ears that

               "  Finding a true friend is the best tribute you can make to ur parents upbringing of u "

    The Brute Truth of finding a true friend -or being a true friend ;
                                                        Finding /being a true friend is the second most difficult riddle in your life -- its like making  a puzzle of a simple question --Finding a friend who is compatible to your mindset is difficult in the first part but then comes the "juxtapose" part where we all mess up -being close with someone makes us feel that we understand them well --well i learnt a harsh lesson in last few years that being close exactly doesn't mean you understand and standby the person ---the art of being a true friend or finding a true friend lies in finding someone who truly understands you  r as u r and without expectations of what u might be of their liking ---that sort of ppl make your life truly memorable --the remaining people you meet in life make you understand the value of finding /being a true friend ---(something even im still trying to understand well into the 30's :p).

To someone who is a epitome of the word true friend - Sandeep Sheoron
                                                           A journey that started many years ago --from being boys to guys to now responsible family men :P--one thing that has never changed is the true love ---love for being a true friend no matter what --time tarnishes everything ---it fades out the fake glitter that new frdship offers --it washes out the false hopes we might dream of our best buddies ---but after all that glitter and fun part --comes the realisation of finding that true best friend --one who comes out of longeivity-with no expectations --and with just a heart that understands the wrong things you do in the right sense and the right things you do in the happiest way possible ---to the soul i found by pure accident in orkut ---to a soul who never changed despite every travail life put through ---to a boy who still cries when his heart is broken rather than acting like a man who should never cry ---to a wonderful friend through whom i achieved my biggest passion and dream --A Very,Very  Happy Bday -- I'm just endlessly happy that life found u for me as a true frd :)
               
    Sumtimes in life there are moments when you are thoughts are  among  countless                                  unfulfilled dreams,disappointments of failure ,anguish in belief in God , untold 
    anger on fate--it is precisely at that moment  you will find someone with open arms with                      no expectations yet knowing your  pain without you uttering a word --those sort of people                    are very very few in life yet so  priceless -You are certainly one in my life bro-- To one of                     the most wonderful human beings i  met in ma life --to my brother  with a heart of gold , to                   a guy who will always be the one  person who fulfilled my passion i have no words but                         only a heart full of gratitude which wishes endless happiness to u brother ---  "Happy Bday                 Dipu"- Love you loads and may god bless with everythin you wish in life.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

True Love Needs Our Ego and Anger To Be Little Porous :)!!!!

  Dedicated to the  few beautiful souls i miss being together in life but there is still time :)!!!!!

     " Every soul is beautiful in its own way --- just that not every one close knows it true beauty "

                     (Been a long while since i blogged so kindly adjust the flaws:P)
                                       
                                                      If somebody tells you that life isn't interesting --just ask them to sit down and write down the number of people they could remember meeting in their whole life --because frankly noone could write down the entire list of people they meet in life ---We meet lot of people --many remain as strangers we don't remember ,,some remain as known people we meet in life but don't become close enough --few only select few become people who will love from our heart because our hearts choose them not our minds '
                                                      
 An Incident with a ever positive person who always remains my inspiration !!!
                                                      Many summers ago (Should be atleast a decade ago ,makes me feel so old :P)one lovely day happened to be in a conversation with  this my "ever inspiring friend" who at that moment of life had virtually no one in life to fall back .I never had her maturity and she was younger to me but matured than me in life --learnt a lot from her as a person ,Our conversation was like the following (even though i dont remember my nonsense i remember her words always :p)

Me --  Seriously don't you feel weird ,,this point of life i don't see you with anyone other than your books and pen (She was a wonderful writer )
Frd -- You maybe right but what u see now is what it is but what it was not before  --i had people ,i had friends -i truly have loved few people from hearts --just that right now  we  are busy ignoring  each other  childishly now  :)
Me - Really ?? Are all ignoring u or is it u ignoring few ?
Frd -- Hmm you know this heart is a funny thing --it can't love everyone my eyes sees --but the people it loves not even my eyes can deny seeing when it wants !!!
Me -- ????
Frd --  Someday you will know Shanmu ---Nothing in life is beautiful as the people our heart truly loves --its a pity that we have our anger ,ego put a mask to that feeling temporarily but that mask is always a temporary one --nothing can put a mask to our true love on people close to us ,Love will prevail eventually .
Me ---- Gud (I just recorded the conv in my heart maybe to revisit someday --i did today because i have had my fair share of ups and downs with people in last few years ).
                                                
                                                     Yesterday while going through my previous google chats and mails accidentally i became interested to see how many close people i still have that i have had few years ago --and it was apparent that time has withered one by one for various reasons away from me ,fair enough there are rights and wrongs everywhere doesnt matter --but i just got this conversation in mind that made me realise the true fact 

                                  " True love  needs our  ego and anger to be little porous"
  
                                                      In this wonderful journey called life we never know what's next but what we do know is the people we love will always be people we love -nothing would change that -no amount of false hatred ,no amount of needless ego propping up ,no amount of money difference could kill our care and affection for people we truly love in life .If you stutter in knowing to choose between your mind and soul then just remember following 

                               "This 350 gms within us called as heart is what determines our life as whole 
                                 Often it is a war between what our mind wants and our heart wishes 
                                  whilst mind makes a million permutations to determine what is right and wrong
                                  our heart needs one factor ---"LOVE"


Maybe someday we will wake up knowing that life is not about our anger and ego --our happiness is about not being impatient with people we love but to be more patient with them .After all we are all flawed yet each one of us is unique and beautiful in their own way .

With hope maybe i might reconcile with few of beautiful souls someday soon  and wishing you all the  same  :):)!!!!