Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Bye Bye to Blogging and Writing --Its been a pleasure every moment,Now to life without writing :)!!!

" To every one of my pals and ppl who made my blogging  experience a very special one -A Big Thanks "

 "Exactly One year of living the passion i loved ---still have the passion endlessly but no motivation though  :)
        For every few of u who supported and my king bhai --Dipu and Seema gilly --a heartfelt thanks

           Its been a dream --an amazing one sharing some of my most vivid memories and happenings of my life  --right now im strugglin to find one good reason to continue tht --hopefully in future if i have one good reason to start again  -  I Will!!! 
     As they say "Never say Never for anything as long as u r alive - Who knows ??"
                              ----- To be continued probably sumtime ---
                                                 Lots of love --Shan!!!!!

Sunday, March 25, 2012

A hard truth from a funeral i attended recently !!!

                "Till Ashes without guilt -without fault-with just unfading true love-- Im scared of the next morning without u --death came empty handed and took away almost  ur dreams --the ones remaining will be mines from now on -What a wunderful life u had !!"

                                                   ---- Many years ago when my wunderful mom passed away when i first encountered the pain of a  funeral in close quarters --sumhow it brought a chill in my spine everytime ever after i went to a funeral ,,As u grow old it is sumtimes inevitable to be part of births and deaths of ur known circle ,recently had been to a funeral of a frds dad .
                                                            He was a fierce person ---sticking to his principles and eventually cared less for his wife ,,he had a daughter and a son ---though i were never close to enough to know the truths of his meticulous life --i had a sneaky feeling he never wanted to reveal the truths to anyone --a retired govt employee ---he was above middle class--he had enough money not to go for another job --on the day of sudden demise due to poor health check ups and sudden heart failure --he was admitted in hospital --for 3 days ---he was not properly seen by any of his family members---when eventually he passed away--people hardly felt his absence --instead his own wife for 40 odd years did not shed a tear -- they were soon discussin how to share his savings and though it did not startle me because in todays fast world that paper with numbers matters most --not whats inside the human body --"MONEY WINS HANDS DOWN OVER HEART "
                                                               On the way back i thought --A good man,,what was his life about ---if he could not make two people feel his absence ---he must have led a very sad lonely life with many hidden truths which now had gone with him-- Did he not give himself another opportunity to live differently??--"Its one thing feeling lonely and  another thing to be ignored by your ppl -- sadly i felt the latter  seein his family act made me feel the same way abt him"--Anyhow i wished his soul rest in peace beacause he was a good man at heart
                                                               There was a chilling truth --i had witnessed my own moms life and another wunderful persons life in close quarters ---unfortunately had to lose them and few others -In hindsight what is the best possible way of living your life?- i felt the best possible way to live a life is to atleast live without guilt and minimum fault--thats in our control always --to earn those two people in life sumtimes matters because it may well take a lifetime --i again got a chill in a spine in another funeral ,,i know this is not a feel good blog but its sumthing to realise whom to priortise in life and wht to give imporance in life --heart over money anytime for me  
                                                          Sighning off with few  lines which i wrote for a 10 yr old angel few yrs before on her last day in this world

                                 "Farewell little girl --u showed me life is all about belief over reality ,Love over mind ,,Smile over pain ,memory over time ,,hope over death --god will be refrshed by your pure soul and i envy u for ur faultless life --always "
 Still on search for those two people in ma life too ,,, hopefully sumday soon the search might end !!!!  -----:):)

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Happy Bday Dipu ---Seeing Never Matters --Feeling Does -U R Proof For That !!

    "Dedicated to my brother -one of my best friends - "My  Brave Unarmed Warrior against Fate To U  Sandeep--Happy Bday  Bhai!!"
      "  Stars Twinkle in distance --sumtimes the heart yearns to touch them
          you can never do tht ---nor can u stop seeing them in night -like stars
          sum people keep staying  in your lives despite everything "
                                                            Ever since the beginning of the 2000s the usage of computers became a compulsive one for youngsters all around the world --the world was never the same place --my remembrance of the my first tryst with it was bad ,,i never liked it --but with typical mindset of a young guy whose only notion to use the computer was to try to find sumone of opposite gender and have a good time,i went about learning to use it for fun -my first experience with sumone ended pretty badly --my happy dreams came to thundering halt --from then on i decided its not the way to look upon this online frdship thing --tht was around 2002-03 time --almost a decade back
                                                            Admittedly being incharge of a concern gave me time to still make frds in  yahoo ids --when social networking sites were not  prominent  --then came the existence of ORKUT --the world  seemed so different and i made friends like anything --once in my account i had 550 frds and 8000 odd scraps,i --i felt everythin was good but --then again the  real  spark was missing ---i felt the question "Does these online frdships mean anything at all other than fun?"-then i started to give a honest attempt in trying to find more meaning in them because sumthing in me told i could connect with ppl i never met than i did with people i met everyday here and being in a job where i need to interact with 100s of  people in a day it seemed odd
                                                       Life after 2005 changed for good --i met some amazing ppl --the amazement at the first interaction i had with this brother of me -Sandeep --still remains after nearly 6 years --i never had a younger brother before --i never had the feeling that i never had one after knowing this guy ---u might wonder whats the big deal ?---I HAVE NOT SEEN THIS GUY EVEN ONCE -yet i never felt tht --neither his absence in real day to day life affected me even for a minute in all these years of knowing him -the amazement still remains every bit even now -the support --the care the love --the amazing belief and beyond that ,,the trust that makes me feel sumtimes that im a blessed guy to have come to know such a guy in my life
                                                      The important point in a relationship or a frdship is to have trust that the other person will not let you down at ur moment of despair,will enjoy your happiness with uninhibited joy --that despite the odd dispute ,,few fights --few arguements -few ego clashes --DESPITE EVERYTHIN-u never give up the relationship that made you smile ,,that made u feel heaven for few moments --that made u feel u r not lonely --is what any relationship is about --it is precisely why even not seeing each other every day does not matter--sumtimes the truth is

                     "The heart does not need to see sumone to feel happy --even mere hearing sumone  or reading few lines from them makes ur heart feel the happiest -there in lies  the secret of enjoying life in such relationships and frdships  "

                                                       Yes i have been fortunate enuf to have handful of great ppl  like tht  -my effervescent  soulmate from  ,,another everlovely brother   ,,a inspirational girl ,a bubbly girl who has gone through so much torture are some of the people that come to my mind--they remain the pillar of support in my life which is haunted by loneliness but sparked by these people and just a few others --so i do have every reason to feel positive abt the relaionships even though there are few negative points of them --the eventual presence has made a big difference in my life
Happy Bday Daps (Belated wishes .lol)
                                                       "Nobody symbolises the relationship in my life more than you do-Sandeep --despite evrythin that has happened ---despite huge obstacles --despite endless hurdles --u  have been the best brother you could be --could not have asked for anythin more --if anybody proved that with utmost sincerity it was u bro with  -true love--unrelenting support --showing endless grit --maturity beyond years and beyond everythin not failing the trust i kept on u and repaying that with even more trust and belief --i m indebted and thanful  to u for my whole life --even this blogsite which has finally fulfilled my 20 odd years dream which may very well have been till my life was undeniably the best gift i have got in my life---Wishing you all the best in your life especially on the doorsteps of becoming a father --that kid could not have a better human being as father --no words are enuf to write abt one of my all time best friends --the ones who know u will acknowledge the fact --Happy Bday my "Priceless Prince"may u keep fighting till ur last and may few other people know how good u r as i do !!
                                                      For those of you in the beginning stage  of any online realationship or frdship --my  advice from personal experience is ---just go by what ur heart feels and never go by what your eyes want to see --seeing hardly matters--ever --have trust beyond practical impatience--have belief beyond incidents --trust your heart to create some magical unforgettable memories in ur life --it will happen --miracles do happen ---i just wished one of the miracles in my life a slightly belated bday wish --yes the bday was on 16th ---now u know what i meant by practical impatience --lol --catch u soon !!