Wednesday, May 4, 2011

"To Be Loved Is Beautiful" !!

        "I know im not the sun in the days of  your world
         Im just making sure im one of the stars in your nights-
         u cant recognise me--but i can keep seein u without u noticin  "
                          Very very strong words written by sumone who i knew sumtime back,,if words had the power to stab sumone i would have been a dead guy now ,,1000 times ,but i for one for valid reasons never loved anyone ,though im starting to realise that being loved is indeed sumthing special than what it initally looks
                        There are few things that money cant buy,,,precious few things ---apart from family --the life partners ,,the soulmate who loves you for what you are ---they show unbridled love -its just tht sume dont realise it ,,some dont want to realise it !!Few years back when life seemed wonderful with frds and known ppl around,,i never believed tht i will  be lookin for sumone desperately few years later,,i always thought Its not a big deal --if i have a problem i can go to any of this frds ,buddies and known ppl,,,whats the thing ppl keep on sayin u need a life partner --u need sumone whom u could fall upon to enjoy ur happiness and explain ur sorrows ,,--i thought thts why best frds are there for!!!
                       I was grossly wrong --or i should say i m slowly gettin proved i was wrong.,,,there is a place for moms dad and families which they only can fulfil --there is place for best friends and time for them to support u ,,they never let u down when needed ,,but similarly there is special place for ur lifepartner or lover which noone else  can fill tht ,,,everyone of them  have  a role in ur life which cant be replaced by the other ,,,Seems god has made the role specific makin sure they are irrplaceable ,,now its obvious at 30 seein the same friends i visualised then  dwindle into very few ,,,the very few i depend upon have their own stuff to do--their own futures to be built upon with what they have ,,their own world with their own life partners -their own kids -with their loved ones --and its not the same and cant be the same what it was few years back
                    Time has come  infact sumtime back where it is actually not desperation but disappointment of  not having tht sumone to talk ,,to see everyday mornin and say im thankful i have u  everyday mornin,,well even if u dont say so ,,u know in sum corner of the heart ,,"oh ya i have her to run upon anytime "-- Now I have a family ,,i have best frds tht one could ever wish ,,but there is a empty space which has been empty for a while --i could work all day but nights seem like years with just my pen ,paper and lappy for company--all lifeless things which i depend upon to fill the void of not havin sumone to talk ,sumone to share things as it is with tht person nearby u
                    I was bit curious to know whether sumthin like this ever existed --so infact i quizzed two  of my frds upon this , --one of them married and other  in a relationship --and i was amazed how they could explain their togetherness which is now into years with great exuberance and childish enjoyment -these were comin from people who are past their teens ,,,Am i missing the sumthing tht is ought not to be missed?thts wht i got out of tht ,,im not envyin them  at all ,,but yes im feeling the space seems empty as far as my life goes now
                  Among the very few gifts i have had in my life there is one precious gift which in reality is a worn out hero pen which was given by me  to the person who wrote the lines i have written in the beginnin 8 long years back-i gave tht  to write a address in my first meeting with her --I got tht as new yr gift in year 2008 sayin "this was the beginnin of sumthin i love --give it to me when u feel the same",,Now the pen remains but not the person anymore
                  I know i was right in not acceptin sumones love out of sympathy because love never came for me but now i know sumthin else was wrong--there is no such ideal person who will come and offer their hand --there is no pride  in sayin  im waiting for right person,,,the person who loves u unconditonally ,,who keeps on looking for u ,,who keeps on yearning to spend time with u ,,is the right person who needs to fill the space which is entitled only for them which cant be replaced by anyone else,,,we keep on lookin for better options sumtimes forgetting the suitable option ---maybe thats where lies the truth of having a life partner and having just a pen ,paper and lappy to content with ,,because the former has life to offer u ,,the latter has just nothin to offer u other than promise of  killing time
              Sumday all this ,might change i might find after all  a suitable option than a better one ,,,everything has a reason ,,but life is short ,,if u keep lookin --u will be left to look upon only urself and  noone else ,,its obvious tht we need to enjoy the person who loves us for what we are ,,because if we dont realise tht ,,then maybe all  that will be left to see is the mirror or a "hero pen" like me ,,hehe ,So dont miss ur chance and never think of replacing them with others,,everyone have their own roles to play ,,to be loved is indeed wunderful--i realised it late but who knows it might still not be late enuf ,,wink,,

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