Well after a gap here im again -- this blog is purely written on personal self defining moments experienced in recent past,(Special Thanks to Rohit Garhwal ,Anu Singh,Nathiya,Dipu ,Mr and Mrs Ravi,Hasini,Shanks, :) )
Self admittedly i have been a poor reader all my life --recently few months back i happened to read a old book and i was fascinated by couple of topics in it ,,,regarding the relation between flames and darkness,i took some excerpts of them and kept it in a file to read it sumday if at all ,,At that time when i read that i found it interesting but did not get the real meaning of the topics ,,but very recently i happened to experience the real meaning of it ,,,i wanna share the thoughts regarding the same
I was going through some tough physical complications when all i could do was lie on the floor and look upto the walls for days with loneliness as my new and uncalled companion ,,it was self implicated trouble but it was beyond physical ailment that started examining me to the core -I was beginning to feel scarily lonely --for a 30 sumthin guy it was rare to feel so insecured but i did ,When unbound love is shut out by fate --you have no option but to become desperate ---i had unbound love from very few ppl --some very spl ppl--but not at the very moment --By cruelty of fate they were not with me ,,not even in this world ,,the scariest night of my life followed ---i felt for the first time in my life --desperate helpless loneliness ,,here i was experiencing the most scary night of my life with unbearable pain physically and mentally .
I got advice from my good frd Rohit Garhwal --to read books and be away from all my social activities,,i sumhow felt tht as a good advice and i went in search of the sumthing to read ,as i did not have reading as a habit i was searching,, suddenly i found a file where i had taken some excerpts of those topics which i felt interesting to have a look again ,,because i was close to shutting the doors of almost all hopes ,i had nothing to lose really so i took them to read ,,,it was a tamil book which i had taken some excerpts and i quote in english the excerpts i read in them below
"There will be a time in your life when u will be left with a emptiness or loneliness which is inevitable in almost every life--the duration might be different but the occurence are undeniable -its what u compare the very moment in ur life with the words "Flame" and "Darkness"---at the moment when u think when the world is the last place u wanna be --it is like u will be surrounded by complete darkness in life --engulfed by darkness but even at such a terrible time when loneliness and darkness go hand in hand there will always "be a moment of spark -- a moment where the darkness will be enlightened by a flame --its for u to choose the moment to follow the flame" as the best option because the other "is waiting for darkness to clear which may never occur ultimately leading to us to be forced to follow darkness and eventually get swallowed by it "
This was the excerpt i read twice again and again because it was a monumental assertion of how life is to be seen ,loneliness is scary but it teaches u sumthing --"To Feel Lonely means u were not lonely till the moment u felt so "--for me tht was the spark -i might have lost the most beautiful mom in the world ,the best girl imaginable and couple of others to fate but still there had to be sumthing else which prevented me from feeling lonely all this while ,,"that lonely"--for me my passion for words ignited my thoughts --and thankfully i had my best soulmate who was forever there to read my words and couple of frds who were always there to hold me when i was down never mind seein them was a improbability ,,but i felt the spark--i saw the flame and desperately clung on to it ,,for the next few days i dwelled only on them and nothing else
For me it is nothing short of victory to be here again doing what i love most after what i had gone through in the last fortnight --for me it was about words--for u it might be sumthin else--but there is a simple line we have to remember through everythin--- Be it loneliness,,scariness,fear or any other terrifyin feeling ---THERE IS A WAY THROUGH EVERYTHIN -sayin it from the bottom of my heart after feeling every bit of it ,
Cheers -See ya very soon :)
shan 'sage' 2011ReplyDelete
good going buddy !! ..keep it upReplyDelete