Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Loneliness Teaches U Lot More Than Just Pain !!!

                       (Written in no pessimistic feeling for being so lonely in my life at this point of my life  rather feeling optimistic that loneliness has shown me truths i never saw before)
             "Will you never leave me for gods sake " i asked one of my friends many years ago rudely ---She replied smilingly "Why should I - I dont want to be alone in this world again  --already have spent 20 yrs goin through it --u have no idea what is to be in tht space -- All u have in that space is Scary Silence  !! "
                              Not until last few years did i realise the magnamity of those words - but i realised lot more than that --"Loneliness is sumthing noone wishes for -it is a unwanted guest --(undeniable ,unacceptable ,painful --yes --but more than everythin it is hell a lot worth than all that )-"but when it comes it comes as a waterfall with full force --the only thing you could do is getting wet and believing you will not get washed away when it is done ".
                              The skies seems endless--the nights after work seem colder with every minute-the search for food become so tiring that u wished u were never hungry --the walks alone wishing for more than the fresh air for company --to scale out the borders of life at this juncture is probably the hardest --but sumwhere the more u live with it you learn more about life,people and yourself .Might seem absolutely stupid but that is a truth,,the time before i was pushed to these boundaries it seemed i was not spared a minute as i was swamped by my relatives,friends and neighbours ,,,it was a pleasant headache to have ---but once years started rolling by -people started getting stuck in their own stuff and slowly life seemed too barren and i seemed to have plenty of time for myself as hours seemed like days suddenly .
                             Frustrations begin to setin --irritated by not having people at the right time at the right hour felt like injustice --ran out of patience --after few breakups and few hiccups --i started realising ---"tht i have no idea what the purpose of the other persons life is all about" --to expect is human --to hope is of love--to wish is of trust ---but when that person is not able to be near you it is sheerly out of inability of contriving situations to bend according to our needs and not selfishness as i foresaw--i met a frd after 1 long yr after mistakin her for leaving abruptly without intimating anything despite being a close frd of mine --when i sat reluctantly to hear her side i did not expect her to have had that horrible torrid time during the same time --a torrid marriage gone wrong --a miscarriage ---hell a lot had happened and i knew nothing--suddenly i felt the other way around of me not being there for her --life seemed lot more mystical .
                           On my own i started believing it is a better way to know about the people in ur life --probably by being at a distance u understand the value of every person in ur lives--u get ur basics right about the people --at some point by living with loneliness u slowly start to realise more about urself -what to do and what not --pains will remain ,,scars will be there but when u have no option than to accept fate--u begin to unravel simple truths u missed during happy times --simple facts about people u love --ur forgotten passion--so many little things makeup for scary unwanted silence !!
                         " Tommorow  might hold nothing good - this  silence might be still prolonging --pain might be endless--but the fact is on the other positive side --its better to be not too close --u will be sure when sumone isnt in ur life in ur most desperate moment --u might very well be doing the same --its not a case of them being selfish but just pushed helpless by nature .
                      I just remember the quote with the one person i admire a lot for her guts and most probably the rudest girl i have come across my life but still was a special special frd for her absolute frankness in everything she did  ,,the last words she told me before she left far away to find happiness --I said to her while bidding farewell ---" See u r goin to feel lonely that you are goin away from me too" --she replied  "Being lonely is  not a sin --yes it will pain endlessly but i will adapt--my mind is clear --my path is visible --there is a life to live --lonely or not --i will go on for i know my time is not up ,,,yet "
                                                       --My inspiration  to fight loneliness is her --She lives just 5 hrs from my place --yet i have not seen her for few yrs now we were once close buddies  --i know there is a life to live ---with or without anyone ---I Will !!!

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