Saturday, November 3, 2012

Ten Years Without U -But With Ur Memories And Tht Unforgettable Angelic Smile !!!

                                  "Your failures are my mistakes as a mother "

                                         Dedicated to the soul whom i owe everything in my life --to the one person who showed me the meaning of love -To My Mom -On her 10th death anniversary --04-11-2012

From my memories  :
 It was year 1983--Around-- Trichy "SEVAA SANGAM SCHOOL "
                             My first entry into school doesnt bring me any memories other than one person --Mom --Her Name "Sittal Achi "---As it is the ignorance of childhood --i used to call her "Sittu"--i remember how she used to walk me to the class with bag in hand -pleading me to go --and i remem crying like anything --sitting in class --only one thing comforted me --i could see her standing in the gate from my class(my class was first one to gate i think )--that happend for the time i studied over there --i dont remem the teachers ,the students or anyone else except her .
                            Studyin in one of the premier schools ought  to have changed her mindset --but it did not --she was tireless --the class timing was changed and i was one of three kids --she had to take care of all three of us -she did it for all of us with that same tirelessness--She was my first tuition teacher --she learnt english so that she could help all three of us since we studied in Anglo Indian Schools where english was given prime importance ---She learnt English every year along with us --despite not having any degree all she had was fierce determination--Nothing was beyond her --she believed--and if not for her i would have stuck sumwhere in seeing studies as a improbable reach due to the high standards of education demanded by the school i was educated -i was above average student only of her efforts -she underlined education is a must and dedication an even important must .
                         Most importantly all this was done with her waiting almost 4 hours at the gate hoping to see my face --never tired ---then helping us in studies --then washing the clothes bare hands --remember countless occasions making her waske up and cook up at early morning --again never tired just a smile ---how much can a mother love not getting angry is amazing --my pain was shared by her without me asking ---and i never asked her how shes been doing it when she was alive --doing things for her children made her forget she had her own life --her own likings ---her own wishes --everything had seemingly taken a back seat -i look back at that now and i cannot but admire what a mother i have had .
                         Failures never perturbed her belief ,it made her responsible for them instead,,it just added to her determination-despite all her efforts --the expected results from me never happened mainly and wholesomely due to my careless attitude of young years --but it made less impact on her remarking once when i broke down after failure after failure asking my mom
                       "Can i quit studies--i have become a abject failure " See "Your failures are my mistakes as mother too "--That stayed with me for long time --not that it shook of my slumberness -but it was something could be said only by mothers -this world has seen countless changes --internet revelations --modernisation has become an inevitable acceptability --like or not --but one thing that has been stable --a seemingly constant among extraordinary revelations -a universally accepted credibility to mankind --"Motherhood "--the first ecstacy--the first happiness--the first medal--even the first failure when occured the first person we like to express to is our mothers .
                        " I Expect nothig--i will be ur side in everything "--that seems the motto of mothers --the single relationship that expects nothing but gives everything --And the beauty of my life was i got even more --Mom --It is 10 years since u left me but it seems lot more --- i feel ur fragrance even as i write this --i hugged and held ur hands tight for years --the rough  tireless hands still stay in my mind --and that magnificent smile -the smile which kept and keeps me fighting during trouble some times --the never ending attendances to road side shops to fill my stomach not my heart --everything shows what i ought not have missed --not atleast for few more years --but i do realise that u were tireless all ur life --tireless to do ur duties ---tireless to make ur kids realise the importance of leading a good life by living one --when the moment eventually arrived --when fate cruelly came out with arms open to get u back --when death stood for a minute in shame for coming to take ur life at that young age --i saw that ur last tear from ur eyes showed maybe u have been tired of endless sacrifices --maybe god was feeling u were sacrificing too much --he decided to take u by his side once for all -angels are after all god sent --and i had the priveleage of being with a angel  for years. 

           " I lived a dream for 20 years-I smiled when in happiness with countless reasons
              Ten years without u ---Neither do i have that smile ,nor that effervescent happiness
               But i have ur  memories --ur priceless words for life --i ask no more

                           Nothing makes me proud than being called "your son "!!!
                       Hoping you are happier and at peace --ur dreams will be realised --Luv u lot --Miss u hell a lot my tireless angel--i know u r watching up sumwhere with that angelic smile -that unforgettable angelic smile .

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