Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Self Realisation!!!!

          " Life as a whole is a jouney to be at peace with urself --everything else matters less"
                                                10 days of relentless attack from a intense chicken pox put through me rigorous self examination at where i stand in life --Questions kept ringing in my head --"Whether all the struggles to satisfy everyone benefitted me in any stead ? Every person in this world wants to leave a legacy that is earmarked atleast to his next generation ---Its good to hope for rosy things - but life is more about  than good hope --the time of self realisation is the most important respect you could give urself --the real journey  of every individual begins there.  In factual and practical acts in life the most important aspect in our lives is will power  which is very important in  the art of self realisation  
                         "Your outlook   is a mere reflection of what your will power allows you to be "

                                            Im saying from my own journey --a journey from the past 20 odd  years --the first incident when I was affected badly by a school friend refusing to talk because of a silly fight as expected--the fear of losing that friend gave me sleepless nights --crying on my mom's shoulder in fear of losing that friend --I still remember that day --because that was the day that started my fearful journey --the next day I acted in a way he was happy --everything was fine again --except something I did not notice then --that became a habit -the fear of being the reason for my loved one's tear ,,the fear of losing sumone I love --the fear of hurting unknowingly and knowingly all made me forget "that something "amidst the pursuit to become what somebody wishes and wants --it all had became too habitual yet it hardly prevented the eventuality --people still left as they wished --people still got hurt --the habit remained inefficient unknowingly because the person I was born to be never changed  though the reality never set in --the self realising part was missing for a very very long time.
                                         There was a time when with the exuberance of youth I was part of encouraging events and acts  of friends knowing deep it was wrong yet did nothing than just watching ,,when asked to be part of that I could not --and that led to few more breakups ,uneasy sleepless nights --I always felt sumthing bad coming but never had guts to know how to handle it --because of the fear factor --the fear of losing ppl was bigger than the reality --that is what gave me countless sleepless nights ,,as years rolled --educational life got over --the habit never died --it went on bit into my professional life --"that sumthing kept on lurking around unnoticed for me to take notice "--the beauty of ageing in life is you learn to see in urself--self introspection sets in --the goals to achieve ,,the long road ahead seems a challenge and deep down u know unless u eradicate the obvious flaws in life and for me the biggest flaw was my "fear "factor for losing .

        I remember a old saying

          "If you start running away from your fears --all u will do is start running in the same circle
                                 again and again ---till your time runs out "
                                         There was a time in the last fortnight when my temperature crossed 105 --and I prayed to my dear life ,god and mom to help me see the morrow --The pain of disease seemed less when I thought "Had I done wht I wanted "and "Am I now what I was destined "--the answer was no --The reason was I haven't yet "Self Realised "--not given enough respect to myself as a person --as much as I had given to people around me ---running after people all life to get noticed when they gave least importance to me as person --forgetting the people who kept running along with me for me to stand and notice -- Probably I never understood the fact "In life you don't waste even a single minute bcoz u never get them back "until recently  --when I woke up the morning after a terrible scary night --I decided that if it was not now --it will be never ---if the seeds are not sown now --then my life will just be a beautifully decorated book with nothing inside it but empty plain papers --it wont mean a damn to anyone and be just a waste of a opportunity given to me to do sumthing -- have to be a good reason to sumone in the future --that is my biggest duty for being in this place ,,in this life -that is how i saw myself always .
                                         I just let go people for good ,,decided to stop things I did without liking ,I just paused to see people who were running with me all along unnoticed --i could see who wanted me to see the next day after a horrendous journey --they were not many --not even handful were left after my self introspection led to lot of unhappy closures of people i kept running all life --"People stay with u for what u r "--and i decided to respect them above all egostic ,selfish people in life whom i had kept running for --i have had enough i said myself --Enough !!
                                        Im gona be 32 by the end of this night --and i have had this habit kill me for the best part of 25 years of my life--Its time i killed that habit --Its time for me to rest the "Fear Factor"--maybe begin sumthing in life with lot, lot less people ,,lot less sleepless nights waits for me in future ---there are times when the feeling of regret makes u go bonkers --self realisation helps us in making sure we don't regret our important decisions --the initial part might be tough but the journey will be sumthing that will give u peace having made them realising the person u were born to be .

                                     Self Realisation --may not give u a picture perfect life
                                                                  may not give friends that world will envy
                                                                  may not give you as the best person that ever existed
                                                                  may never give you your dream life
                                   But what it gives u with guarantee is "The Real You "--who would have been missing ever since u knew abt this world --"In the end that is what matters --u exist for a reason and u wont know that until u know about urself --Never change urself for anyone --Never wear a mask to satisfy people around you --Just be urself --the earlier you realise the better for life --after all one short life--lets make it count "
                               ( I feel stronger as a person after my recent plights   ---i don't fear anymore for people leaving me for not being sumone they wished  --neither do i want to do things that i feel is wrong --it doesn't matter anymore whether  i'm born to satisfy everyone in the world --no one can be Omni good in this world--All i want is to "See me through my own eyes first "--rest will take care by itself --All this is wrought out of very strong emotional feelings after a terrible time recently ---I reiterate all this is my perspective as a individual --any sentiments hurt is regretted as i value each and everyone who takes time to read blogs i write )
C ya Soon  



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