Happy New Year--Hoping in 2012 we all can make a difference for few more people :):)!!

                   "THERE IS NO UNDESERVING PERSON IN THIS WORLD --PROBABLY THERE ARE LOT OF UNLUCKY ONES --WE CANT CHANGE THEIR FATES BUT WE CAN MAKE THEM FORGET IT FOR A DAY"                 

                            "We all live in same world ,,,not all are destined to live a similar life--some live a tough life maybe its left for us to change their destinies and redefine ours --if we think we can change  their lives,Maybe a wonderful dawn is around the corner  "
                    
                    What is ur plans for tomm machan my frd asked me ?--i said nothin just whale around with sum frds ,,,go around some happening place make fun---go to beach --and nothin big --enjoy the day ---he asked me really thats all?are we supposed to be like this till we die machan?---i asked him what u want to give me a big lecture to go to some temple and worship for goodness of the world --Cmon!!--im beleiver of god and good things but not a blind follower of what world does !!--he replied "Oh ya --so spending the new year with few frds in girls in parties and driving around the place and cutting cakes and enjoyin by urself enuf ???I in a reply of feeling instant insult and anger replied hastily --Oh yes if u have a better one please let me know abt one---maybe u wanna me booze around and buy few other some drinks and enjoy  the way u wish right?
                   That happened  in the early hrs of the day today -i duly apoligised for my stupid outburst but it stayed with me more than what i thought -somthin irked me --maybe he did not give me a solid reply of my hastiness to cover a truth he revealed unknowingly --this was no conversation between teens --it was between guys in the early 30s --probably the age when u wanna do sumthin different  rather than the same in ur life --the age where "Wants outdoes everything"--but sumwhere i do feel he was right --enjoyin the life to the  hilt in teens and early 20s is sumthing that can be excused not when u r in your the next stage of life --so what do we eventually do about the dawn of supposedly the year with hopes higher than ever in life ??
                 In a nutshell u never earn enough for ur life till ur last because the more u earn the more u want --that will keep on being the same till the last--but life is not same for all --sume wish to have 1 percent of what we have ---it is for us to give that to people who deserve them--"WE CANT CHANGE THEIR FATES BUT MAKE THEM FORGET THAT FOR SUMTIME ATLEAST -YES WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO FEW IF WE WISH AND I KNOW IT IS A BIG "IF"!!!

                                 I recently went to a handicap home with a frd of mine --she came all the way with me to the home and at the last moment stood outside --saying she cant see them like that and sleep easily --that is how we probably see them --we always see their inabilities and feel it may affect our happiness we neglect them sumtimes --but what we forget is we have happiness that can be shared--dont take me wrong --im was firmly in  that category for long time in my life until a beautiful person changed my perspective,,i was pushed to do that by her --even though im a regular visitor to some homes nowadays i cant enitrely say im putting my heart and soul into it because if i had done so --i would have replied to my friend with a thought say for example  --"Yes i have sum other plan and probably a dawn for few others" but i did not ,,guess thats how the world works out --its a selfish world where individual gains and mindless funs outdo necessary "things to do"in life

                              A mindless conversation ,,a friendly banter ,a typical stupid inborn aggression almost blinded me thinking me in right way and taking the next step in right way ---Yes i will have my fun --it will be slightly muted --because i have decided to make it a dawn for few others too--a beginning for me wholeheartedly  --and i hope its not a bad beginning if u decide to do so ---as i said sumtimes we have to realise there are unlucky people than us who unknowingly wait for our attention--u might nearby u--"SOME BLIND HOMES,,SOME ORPHANAGES ,,SOME OLD AGE HOMES "--just think abt them --if u decide there luck might change --if u dont -nothing will rock ur world but u r depriving urself a opportunity to change someones luck by ur small contribution --this im sayin in no philosphical advice ---remember im in ur group --trust me --read the talk with my frd ---im hoping to join in the few who might think bit differently and firmly . 

                            A dawn for a better tommorow  and a dawn for a satisfyin year ahead --Wishing u a awesome New Year Ahead ---Welcome 2012 -Cant wait to see how its turn out :)

Live Ur Passion Atleast Once In Life ,,,,,,U Will Love Ur Life Like Never Before :)

                        My 50 th blog ---  One of the  biggest achievements in my life till date  --Whole heartedly thank the buddies who supported me to keep writing -my sisters,,my best frds,,grateful to each and every one of u -sumtimes its not always abt money or fame ,sumtimes its about happiness --Plain Happiness--Wrting is my passion-my happiness,Thanks to each and everyone of u who made it possible :)!!
                             ( Up until March 27 this year in my life ,,my passion was almost in grave --i never thought of doing sumthing abt it --but with all due respect to all of my wonderful frds i wanna dedicate this entire blog to my brother "Sandeep Sheoron"--i would have died one day without living my passion even for once but for u----A big thanks to u bro  ,Now i know  and beleive i will live my passion in whatever forms i can till my last  --for me nothing gives me more happiness than living my passion-Writing--without u i would never had a opportunity,,Luv u Brother  :)
     
      
   Exactly how does it feel to live your passion?
           "  Its when ur heart feels light ,,when ur mind is free from pressures ,,,when u feel the child in u  coming out for few minutes,, its when ur thoughts bring only smile -when the world seems the happiest place to live - U love life like never before "

    "NEVER LET PASSION BE YOUR DREAM --WAKE UP
  LIVE YOUR PASSION ONCE--U WILL LOVE UR LIFE LIKE NEVER BEFORE" 
                                        
                                                         There is not a single soul born in this world who doesnt have a passion,,a die hard love for something the heart yearns ,,the mind plans for perfect execution --the world a platform to perform BUT,,tht is a big but --sadly the ticket for the performance in world is measured by a factor called "MONEY" and for those who have the ticket to perform there are no audiences ---fate plays the perfect game with people who have either of one making sure they miss the other ,,the obstacles to realise a passion is so huge - family,society,,surrounding ,financial condition all have a bearing in our quest to realise our passion,,--i have seen countless people having endless thirst striving to get one chance to fulfil their passion,,because passion as a whole is not same for every individual ,,it differs from person to person

                                                      So many years ago when i was in school i usually laughed at a singing master who was very old then --probably in his 80s then ,,he used to wear a hat ,,a perfect white and white dress tucked in,,,i used to laugh at him because he used to sing with almost all his teeth gone ,,,but the moment he started singing he had a brightness in his face,,he never cared us small kids laughing at him ,,,i once asked him innocently "Master ,,Im sorry i laughed at u but dont u feel bad for us all laughing and making fun "--he replied "60 years odd im doing this --"Singing is My Passion "---i will do it till my last --its like living a dream son --sumday u will know "
                                                       Im sure that person wont be alive for me to interact now ,but his words now make hell a lot of meaning - 20 years back when my schoolteacher asked me "Whts ur passion"--"I said i will ask my dad and tell u miss"--12 years back --another teacher asked me same in college --I said  --I m not sure now--will say u alter--- 6 years back ---the girl who i endlessly admire for her mesmerizin words forever --said --"U know whats ur passion--u have buried it for ur desires to be perfect son,,the perfect family guy,,the person the world will love --Before its time make sure u live your passion for one day --u will love ur life like u never did before --trust me "
                                                       Life is a collection of answers  for tricky questions posed by fate ---the ultimate momento is given by urself and not by others---if u answer the question "have i lived my passion once ,,just once--IN THE AFFIRMATIVE -"then its like living a dream --you live just once --why go to the grave not tryin for what the heart loves more than anythin else"--while its true not everyone is blessed with all the tools ,but the  truth is  thats also the answer for realising the dreams --the tools need to be found to live our passion--ultimately there lies happiness,,sume wants to be a reader ,,a writer,,a editor ,a painter,a actor ,,a webdesigner,,a traveller ,,a pilot ,,,etc ,,so many,,the fields are  endless ,,but when the pages of life unravel before u ,at some point u will know the special desire of your heart lies in one unique thing. 
                                                 Fate is not cruel always --it gives u opportunities for u to exhibit ur passion,fate gives us people who make us realise that "Life is not a bad game after all,,,its slightly unfair ,,but it offers u help in the form of great frds,,supportive family,,everlasting love from a partner pushing u to ur dreams --whilst it fair make the most out of it ,,because as i said its sighty unfair ,,lol!!
            "Whatever u do everyday might not be ur  passion--what u want to do everyday is passion"
 Sighning off with the broadest of grins and happiest of hearts in years
 Shan,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,to be continued ,,,lol!!!!!
                                                
            
                                               

Theres sumthing special abt the word "Memories" !!!

                   "Every dawn is not entirely new because i know it is painted with ur memories sumwhere "
                                     Every Morning i wake up not to anger--surely not in nothingness --but to a thought of sumone i love or loved  --and even with a tear it always brings a smile,,a belief ,,Where does it really come from?--from a very unique word  "Memories",,I treasure some memories so deeply that it pulls me out of gravest of holes even at this time ,,At a stage where most of my buddies are well into their married life -- as a individual my best companions in practical life are just a laptop and mostly lifeless things -- Memories ought to be my best companion because if i dont have them my life will be like a empty book with a beautiful cover page .
                                     A loss of a lovable person doesnt seem like a pain when u learn to live ur life with their memories ,,,there was a beautiful person in my life--who taught me how to love a person even when they r not with u -During the time when i struggled like hell  then to come out immediately of  the sudden passing of my mom -the person showed me the way to channelise my life with their memories she many times quoted -"If u love sumone deeply u will learn to live with their memories with or without them -Trust me ",,the person who said those powerful words is not with me eithernow  ,, But the truth is 9 years later after my angelic mom died  i can still  smell my Moms Saree,,i can still feel her hand --those rough hands of tireless works for her children even though it is nine years since i had felt tht ,,whenever i see her pic i just kiss her in air ,,feeling her cheeks exactly same way i felt almost a decade ago-exactly thts what memory does,the truth might it brings along might be too cold but the warmness it gives to the heart is undeniable.
                                   Memories are not what u choose to live in--its what u unknowingly experience at the very moment -to remember or forget is ur choice --but always the best choice is remeberin them --u never know when it might be needed--i write these days in remembrance of memories of the people who have graced my life then and grace my life now --my life is a unique experience--be it my sisters,,my soulmate,,my best frds,,noone live near me to feel the experience live,,,memories keep me goin,,keep me smiling,keep me fighting
                                      U judge urself with ur loved ones --sumtimes its good --sumtimes its bad ,,,but there is no denying it never happens--at the end of the day u r left with urself to decide the course of the next day ,,for the last couple of years i have judged myself exactly on the same scale ,,whats the thing that keeps me going despite the hurdles ,,the troubles, the fights,the self questioning?,To admit "Im a completely fulfilled person at this point"would be as blunt a lie imaginable .
                                    No matter what life will go on--with or without persons u loved in life but never fail to remember the beautiful moments-- the memories -- By doing so u will always get hell a lot of energy and a heart warming smile .

 Signing off quoting sumthing i wrote in remembrance of memorable sumone

                     "The one thing that connects u to me still is our memories
                     Little did i knew the moments i spent then would become now memeories
                     As the sun   is to sunflower ur memory will be for my life
                    Ur life may have become history-- Ur love was always a mystery
                  As long my memory doesnt fade me ur memories will forever be cherished"

     And yes memories is sumthin that i cherish most--it kept me goin then and it keeps me goin now too:)
                                           
                                               
                                 

"Flame" And " Darkness" !!!

                    Well after a gap here im again -- this blog is purely written on personal self defining moments experienced in recent past,(Special Thanks to   Rohit  Garhwal ,Anu Singh,Nathiya,Dipu ,Mr and Mrs Ravi,Hasini,Shanks,  :) )

                     Self admittedly i have been a poor reader all my life --recently few months back i happened to read a old book and i was fascinated by couple of topics in it ,,,regarding the relation between flames and darkness,i took some excerpts of them and kept it in a file  to read it sumday if at all  ,,At that time when i read that i found it interesting but did not get the real meaning of the topics ,,but very recently i happened to experience the real meaning of it ,,,i wanna share the thoughts regarding the same 

                     I was going through some tough physical complications when all i could do was lie on the floor and look upto the walls for days with loneliness as my new and uncalled companion ,,it was self implicated trouble but it was beyond physical ailment that started examining me to the core -I was beginning to feel scarily lonely --for a 30 sumthin guy it was rare to feel so insecured but i did ,When unbound love is shut out by fate --you have no option but to become desperate ---i had unbound love from very few ppl --some very spl ppl--but not at the very moment --By cruelty of fate they were not with me ,,not even in this world ,,the scariest night of my life followed ---i felt for the first time in my life --desperate helpless loneliness ,,here i was experiencing the most scary night of my life with unbearable pain physically and mentally .

                    I got advice from my good  frd Rohit Garhwal --to read books and be away from all my social activities,,i sumhow felt tht as a good advice and i went in search of the sumthing to read ,as i did not have reading as a habit i was searching,, suddenly i found a file  where i had taken some excerpts of those topics which i felt interesting to have a look again ,,because i was close to shutting the doors of almost all hopes  ,i had nothing to lose really so i took them to read  ,,,it was a tamil book which i had taken some excerpts and i quote in english the excerpts i read in them below

                    "There will be a time in your life when u will be left with a emptiness or loneliness which is inevitable in almost every life--the duration might be different but the occurence are undeniable -its what u compare  the  very moment in ur life with the words "Flame" and "Darkness"---at the moment when u think when the world is  the last place  u wanna be --it is like u will be surrounded by complete darkness in life --engulfed by darkness but even at such a terrible time when loneliness and darkness go hand in hand there will always "be a moment of spark -- a moment where the darkness will be enlightened by a flame --its for u to choose the moment to follow the flame" as the best option because the other "is waiting for darkness to clear which may never occur ultimately leading to us to be forced to follow darkness and eventually get swallowed by it  "

                        This was the excerpt i read twice again and again because it was a monumental assertion of how life is to be seen ,loneliness is scary but it teaches u sumthing --"To Feel Lonely means u were not lonely till the moment u felt so "--for me tht was the spark -i might have lost the most beautiful mom in  the world ,the best girl imaginable  and couple of others to fate but still there had to be sumthing else which prevented me from feeling lonely all this while  ,,"that lonely"--for me my passion for words ignited my thoughts --and thankfully i had my best soulmate who was forever there to read my words and couple of frds who were always there to hold me when i was down never mind seein them was a improbability ,,but i felt the spark--i saw the flame and desperately clung on to it ,,for the next few days i dwelled only on them and nothing else

                        For me it is nothing short of victory to be here again doing what i love most after what i had gone through in the last fortnight --for me it was about words--for u it might be sumthin else--but there is a simple line  we have to remember through everythin--- Be it loneliness,,scariness,fear or   any other terrifyin  feeling ---THERE IS A WAY THROUGH EVERYTHIN -sayin it from the bottom of my heart after feeling every bit of it ,

Cheers -See ya very soon :)

Sumtimes the Inspiration u r looking might very well be "You".

This blog is sumwhat different from my blogs ,,its collection of true heart quotes of two persons whom i know dearly ,,or let it be two fantasy persons --but ultimately i felt that is reflection of what a persons mind genuinely goes through during tough times and the right spirit of two entirely diffferent mindsets end at same point--

 

"Im not brave--Im not fearless,,Im alone-But I have faith in me as long as i breath

every time im down --i try to rise --and will do till the day i keep on trying--because

sumwhere ,,sumone is watchin ---to emulate u,dont search for that person -dont stop

trying either--because sumtimes its not a question of living -its question of fighting

the inner demons and winning them fair and square-sumone else is waiting for baton

to be passed and carry the journey"

The other guy equally going through troubled times feels

"Im scared if the next moment is the last -have i done my bit? --Are there ppl who still

care about me? ,,do i have hurt sumone without sayin sorry?,,,im sick ,,will i be up to

rectify all these ,,what abt my future ,,my wife ,my to be born baby who is yet to see

the world -what am i gonna do ---I dont have answers to all these but i have

only one thing for sure ,,i will rise again at any cost "

Two persons going through hell ,incident after incident ,,accident after accident ,,trouble after trouble,,humiliation after humiliation,struggle after struggle ,,yet inbetween there are moments that are sprinkled with joy ,,very few ,,the other factors outshine them and throw them to pieces to be noticed ,,yet sumwhere there is this feeling for stronger of the two

"I give a damn as long as im alive i will keep punching above my weight "

The other more fragile loner with nothing to back except his will and unseen love from very few souls -reflected the same feelings in different manner

"I dont have guts to quit --so im gona do what i usually do--keep tryin to rise "

 In  reality both have a common end point although in a different perspective 

It doesnt need a film or leader or a winner or a known person to be a inspiration to you when you are down --"SUMTIMES THE INSPIRATION MIGHT BE WHAT YOU ARE ALREADY "

"Keep Fighting and Keep Rising "

Cheers