God is kind even if he seems rude --Luv u lot Mom(On her 9th death anniversary)

           A blog -to the greatest human being i ever had and will have in my life

            In  luving memory of my mom on her 9th anniversary ,of the person who made me  what im -Love u lot mom

           "Miracles dont last forever--just that i lost one too soon "

           Novemeber 4,2002 -Diwali Day
                             That diwali remembers so fresh in my mind --it was raining very heavily outside ,there were lights everywhere --little did i know the lights of my life was abt to go on the same day ,i was not able to enter my house --i thought i had not much friends in my school life or college life --only on that day i knew my mom who used to come to my school and college had so many sons who considered her as their own mother ---the moment i realised life goes in a flash but not the deeds of a noble person --noble in every sense that i could not see one set of eyes among the huge crowd without a wet eye ,,tears were rolling from me eyes  in shock and awe of what a life my mom had lived ---the people around me ,,around the house ,,around the final cremation made me think --what it is gona take to do sumthing for her to be proud of me ?Nothin could ever make her unhappy abt me --for she loved me like none--understood me like none --and never expected me to fulfil her dreams ,,,
                           Probably that is the main reason why moms are magical ,,they never expect you to be sumone else --they never want u to be their dream son or daughter,,,,the key is realising when they are with u abt it  --I broke the gods pictures that were there in my pooja room ,,in anger,shock and a loss to accept i have lost all what i had!!!i never wanted to live another day then ,,never wanted to smile again,,,never wanted to find a way to realise her dreams ,,I cursed god ,,,abused ppl who tried to console me ,,closed the doors to the outer world terrified that i might not be able to hear or feel that i have lost the most precious person i had
                          My smile deserted me ,,my mates who had come to send off my mother duly departed with heavy hearts --my tears also deserted me as i drained out all i had and felt sumtimes i might have easily drowned me in my tears that time ,,,i thought there will not be another day ,,not be another time i will go to god ,,not another time i will be better to ppl --seemed so sure

 
      Novemeber   3,2011 --On the eve of 9 th anniversary ever since that shocking day
                             That 9 years have gone since that fateful day --is no easy feet to live those 9 years --for sumone who had heart as brittle as u could imagine ---but every passing year was a learning experience-learning to live with the pains ,,with the scars ,,,,the smiles got replaced by fake ones --the truth that having had sumone so special could not have come without Gods help started sinking in--rather than cursin him i began to accept it was only because of him i got to know what a great human being i had in life     
          "Silence  is  sumwhat considered as the least expression where nothing is conveyed --but for me its  only way i speak to my mom these days--she understood it then and im sure shes doing it now too "--While it is always easy to put the blame on god for every misfortune --its sumtimes better to accept the fate that it was always meant to happen --miracles dont last forever ---After all god is not rude always --its just we dont realise what we have when we have .Probably hearing ppl abt her ,,,thinking abt her --my mom would be probably the only person i envy so much in life ---and i know she would not be angry on a me for this thought -she was that damn good a person and i keep hearing nothing but good things abt her even now--its unimaginable in todays world for me to find sumone half as good as her ,,so all the more reason that i should be thankful to god than feel bad ---it still sucks badly when i see her in photo ,,i feel so gutted to stand in hotels for food every day ,,it feels terrible to see her things in a shelf ,,,i feel horribly low on the date she passed away ---but beyond all this its important tht to feel all these "I HAD HER FOR SUMTIME "--Moms are incomparable ---tht relation remains the same till the last day of our lives ,,,
             Writing all this is a minor consolation for me ,,i disappointed her when she was with me by not going for what she wanted --now i wanna rectify everythin but nothin will change --but as much as it is heart wrenching to write it ,,i feel every yr on her anniversary i realise tht  i have got  to accept more responsibilites and more importantly  have no hatred on anyone ,,--because she had no hatred on anyone till her last and it shows years after shes gone ppl who were known to her still remember her for everythin she did ---everythin she did was good and simple --Living a life what she wished is the best possible gift i could give her and tht is what keeps me going rather than stopping with the pain--
          With the belief sumday i will make her proud and sumday she will see from top and smile really ,,i continue the journey ,,after all surely  god cannot be rude at all as perceived then ,,
       Miss u hell a lot now --u were all i had then --and now too --its a monumental struggle to see  every day without u--but i will surely  do with ur words and thoughts --thanks for being there Luv u mom ---so much forever and ever till time exist
                                                                                Luving Son Shanmu

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Just For Fun--Irritatingly Funny Questions and Replies!!!

                             After a gap that felt like eternity --back here again doing what i love  most ---this time after seeing lot of Mr.Bean comedies  recently for umpteenth time --i was thinking about sum funny stuffs tht go unnoticed in our lives --in the midst of always serious stuff

                      Some of the frequent questions and replies  tht come out in  scenarios u wish u were not in :)(sum experienced by me sum by my buddies)

         *  When your dad comes and ask to u "Whom do u want to marry?-we jump up to say the name of the girl we love but then remaining part of question comes up -----Out of these girls i chose for u ,, "

         *  When ur frd who fails to return the money borrowed from u ,,meets u accidentally and says "hey i was coming straight to ur house --just when we think we r gona get money --he completes the reply --TO ASK U SUM MORE TIME " 

        *  When a doctor whom we go for consultation first time asks the first question--"Where do u work and what do u do ?(easy way to judge the fee amount)

        *    When ur sister comes up to u and asks exactly when u dont have a single penny at end of month "Bro can u buy me a new nokia phone"

         *    When ur dad catches u red handed with ur love ---a guy always has to say  --"dad i was goin to say abt this to u today and blinks helplessly"

         *    When u make ur girlfrd wait for 5 mins and she asks u ---"why so fast --all work done?"

         *    When u see sumone u dont want to see ,,the first question from them  is "I was just thinking abt u"

         *    When  ur office employee comes in the midst of heated discussion and asks "Sir do u want anythin??

         *   When u pass all the interviews in a company and they finally they say "Congratulations u r appointed --but we forgot to tell u --ur salary is 10 k/month for a job worth more and expected more "

         *   When a friend calls u up at 11  in night and asks --"R u Busy ?"

        *    When sum frd of urs doesnt answer ur call for 10 days and picks up on 11th day and says "Did u call before?

        *  When u make ur gf /future wife meet ur mom and she comes with a spontaneous reply "Son --r u sure ?

         *  When the site engineer who takes ages to complete ur work comes up and asks --"How r u  sir "'\

        *  When ur grandpa or  grandma talks to u for hrs irritatin u to no limits  and says finally "How u r so patient ?

    

        *   When u go for a marriage and sumone who knows comes up to u and asks u in marriage hall --"u have time for attending marriages --u cant have a coffee with me "

        *   When ur best sweetheart --goes completely missing --and comes after months asking"did u miss me "

        *   When u comeout of a theatre and meet a known frd in front of theatre ,,he asks "u went for a movie ?"

        *  When ur first love meets u after years --introduces u to her husband and  family sayin--hey looks whos here --my best brother like frd in my school?

    Sumtimes u r left speechless--thts all i can say,cheers

Even When Darkness Falls In Ur Life Just Soldier On To Ur Destination!!!

     Life is like walking in the rain --u either hide and take cover or u just get wet !!!

   October 2002--Chennai --Apollo Hospital ;
                                                     Guess everyone do have a rude awakening dark hour in their lives which is inevitable ,,sumtimes life seems the scariest in those hours ,,,our demons come out of us laughing like that they have conquered us fair and square ,,,for me that hour ,,that month ,,,,that year took me to the brink of quitting life itself --my mother was in her final moments in her monumental life --i was scared what life might be now ?--i was sitting duck for my fate to gobble me ,,,every minute i felt i skipped a heart beat ,,i felt the whole world crumbling around me to pieces ,,i had nowhere to hide and nowhere to go ,caught out in broad daylight with my fears engulfing me .
                                                     I prayed it was all a dream --i cried like i would drown sumone with my tears--i knew what was coming and i could do nothing but getting broken to pieces --there is nowhere to hide from your fears because it is within you --i felt knives cut right through me --i saw my dad and relations on the day when the  inevitable happened when mom really became a  angel to me --he remained calm --with few tears unlike all of us ---i felt what was wrong with him---why he is not showing much --it remained a mystery to me then ---but i could not concentrate on myself much then ,,there was no way i could think about anyone else that time ,,but it now shows why he was then being so
                                                   When fears gobble you like there is no tommorow ,,you are left to run for cover where there is none,,,i tried for so many stupid things ,,the tears never stopped ,,the fears stepped in and i was left going nowhere ,it was trial by fire in fire for sumone who never expected the unexpected ,,realities hit me like never before ---it brought into me a dark part of life that i never wished---a easy prey to my inner demons and fears --it stayed so for long and even though i was brought out by good peoples intervention in my life thereafter --there were moments when i felt i was still surrounded by the darkness in  moments which were very precarious

  October 2011- Chennai -Merina Beach
                                                    9 years later ,,in a similar situation although i lost noone this time --i felt i had none to talk to physically as my best frd ,,my close ones at heart ,my best soulmate everyone were far far away --distressed by lack of understanding by ppl around and breaking of trust by couple of ppl who i dearly had as my sisters and a gaping void in personal life not having sumone near who understood me better,,were few of reasons that made me feel very bad and lonely ,,i was just seeing the sea through misty eyes ,,Nature has been my best companion sumtimes ,,it never hits me with angry words ,,never chases me out even when i go at odd wee hours ,,,i just stood thinking why the hell all this ?it seemed darkness had engulfed me again --but this time it was different
                                                  I backed myself to come out of this --the fears tried to make a comeback --the inner demons were knocking ---but i just remembered a phrase from my younger age ---"You fall once make sure u dont again "---either u succumb to it or learn to adapt ---during my times with a wonderful small girl whom i happened to meet in a orphanage ---she had one of her hands very badly damaged --i queried once playing withher --dont u ever feel one of ur hands is like this ---She a 10 year old said --"No brother i have my another hand --see"--i was shell shocked by her maturity and acceptance of brutal truth ---I now can visualise why my dad was calm when my mom left ,,,he had responsibilities ,,he had his duties ,,he knew his destinations is far away --he did not want his tears to stop his journey ,,all this hit my mind and i touched my eyes --i had no tears--i had my guts sayin ---u dont have ur best girl nearby ,,u dont have ur angelic mom nearby ,,u dont have ur best frds nearby,,ur sisters might hav broken ur heart ,,u still cant say the one thing u dearly love ,u dont have anything u wished nor u have ppl who u wished were near u -yet  U STILL HAVE ALL OF YOURSELF --YOUR DESTINATION IS FAR AWAY --THIS TIME DARKNESS WILL ENGULF ME --BUT NOT MY FEARS OR TEARS --I WILL SOLDIER ON FIND MY WAY TO MY DESTINATION --ITS STILL FAR AWAY--IM ON MY WAY ALRIGHT !!
                                                Sumtimes it is not about what you fear at the moment -its about how u manage to find a way to carry yourself forward with those scars --life doesnt stop for anyone and for the one who fears life doest exist at all ,,,know ur destination and just go along no matter what :)
                                               

Lets Give Importance To People Who Count In Our Lives !!!!

          "If u hope to survive any friendship or relationship based on convenience then break ups should be inevitable "
                                                           Today evening i was challenging a cousin brother of me for a nonsense talk about movies and some useless crap ,,then there came a interesting talk,,he asked me "Bro have had any break ups in your life be it frdship or any relationship ???---i knew he has had sum sort of break up with sumone recently --but answering to the point i said "yep had quite a few "--he went on asking me "have u ever thought of any reason or any similarity with all those things bro ???
                                                         As it is i avoided answering the question and diverted the discussion back to some stupid topics and went for some fun talk ,,on the way back which was pretty late in evening i just revisited the question again while driving back,,that was very sharp question from a guy who has just crossed his teens ,,that he did not realise the sharpness of that question showed he was out of his teens just now ,,lol
                                                     My frd used to say "Everyone can solve their own  problems "--there could not be a better summarisation of what life is in perspective--but i always had this feeling --Yes you as a grown individual--you can solve ur problems --think about your family --think about your future --think about your everything ---every individual is perfectly entilted to go the way but my only question is "ARE WE  PROGRAMMED ROBOTS ???-that is a answer you have to answer inidividually .
                                                    I have had queer instances where i believed i will never part ways with some and i eventually did --and some other instances i have tried to let go the other close person but eventually they came back never to leave --many times in my blogs you would have found me sayin the two choices we make in life are our life partner and our frds for life --its practical reality that as u grow older the list dwindles to very few but therein lies the danger of being left all alone or trying your sincere best to not let go the people you choose to be in your most important list of people who u believe and trust .

                                                  My analysis of the question which my cousin asked for me as a individual --"is there a similarity in break up?"--"Yes is the answer---i found out thinking about the few break ups in recent memory --it was due to one of the two person involved taking the frdship or relationship on their own convenience--i mean its easy to site  you workload ,,your work pressure,,your daily routine not allowing you to remember your role --well i have just one clear word of advice for that --if u want to say endless reasons better be strong to accept the break up and move on --because the difference will only be in timelimit --but the end happening is inevitable
                                               Yes this comes with the thought im about to break up with couple of known people --i have had amazing relationships with few people  ,,some wonderful frdship --still have few of them though not all --i decided to cling my dear life on the ones who are left because i cant afford anymore in the exit door --but one thing that is unacceptable in any form of frdship is hoping to carry a relationship on the basis of ones own comfortability --it certainly wont work out --as frdship happens between two people brought up in completely different situations mostly and its hard to expect sumone to understand the other fully enough to accept the thought you wish they understood better.
                                           I know the pain of break ups --had few of them -on the brink of breaking a long term frdship  too because acting is not what im good at----its no joy at all to break up--the stains  remain forever--if u want to be a brother or a frd or a caring lover or any relation  --u must be prepared to go the distance of making the other person know that u r making an effort to make the relationship a everlastin one,,if not be ready to accept eventuality -- as human beings we need our happiness to be shared --our sadness to be heard --our love to be understood --our frdship to be accepted --all these can be possible if you are ready to come out of your comfort zone --and do the rightful things --hoping to prolong on the basis on one's comfortability and on one's own leisure time is like expecting fragrance from  paper rose --it will never come no matter how long u wait
                 "Its a single short life why not make it worth --its hard to choose sumone --its impossible to lose that sumone --we are always doing the impossible easily --for a change lets  give importance to people who count :)
                                 

After All Money Cant Buy Everything The Heart Wishes -It Took Me 8 Years To Have One Good Soulful Lunch!!!

 (Sincerely written in thanks after a heart warming lunch from my darling sister Archana and her hubby Karthick)   

             "I ran from nook and corner to get a meal  with that "special something"--it took me 8 odd years to have that feeling ---i have ran thousands of miles in desperation of that but if it means i have to run another thousand miles to feel the same way --i will --to me it means a lot --hell  a lot "

My sweet sister Archana and her Hubby Karthik.,

                                                            It began as a dull day ,,this sunday ,,but it became a heart warming day for me by noon after a lunch --whats the deal abt a lunch --you might tend to ask?--well only from a personal point of view it was monumental --after all at the end of day --no matter how many crores u earn --what it matters is 3 "good meals" a day --the word "good meal " means more than what it literally means --i will tell u why it means from my past instances
           
     Rewinding to 15 years back(approximately)-at night 12
                                                           After i did not find my choice of food missing in 6 varieties of food prepared by mom for guests,,i went to sleep half stomach full showing anger to my mom and acting as if im gona sleep with sadness --i got nothing back other than  just a look and a smile ---2 hrs later well past midnight ---when i was asleep and everyone was --i saw sumone waking me up --i woke up and found mom with what i wanted "--a part of me jumped out of me and jumped in ecstacy feeling like achieving something,  --not realising the trouble i had caused to my mom,,worse thing was i repeated that quite a few number of times until mom left for a call from above
                                                          Ever since that fateful day --i have been running non stop from shop to shop --hotel to hotel --with money in hand and a empty desperate heart begging for a soulful meal--it sort of dawned in me this is life --u have to go through it everyday just hoping --in todays fast world we forget how wonderful it is to have sumone sit near you ,,crack some jokes ,,talk about life --we used to call that "family time "when i was a kid ,,the time when the whole family or most of it sit around a meal not demanding for our favourite food rather than basking in the happiness of having company --of having people who give us a soulful meal --a meal from the heart ,a meal which means a untold peace,,,
                                                        In real terms i dont remember what i had for lunch today ,,i knew i had lot after long time --happily--this was not money which got me food as it does mostly for me for last few years--all i remember was somebody was sitting with me after long time,a sister who i dearly yearn to have spent lot more time in my life  ,,smilingly serving food with happiness and purest of hearts  ,,i realised what im now -the strolls along shops to find sumthing to eat,,the gazes at skies hoping my search will stop soon,a gasp of breath seeing a family goin together making jokes ,sumtimes even a family living in a hut by a river made me wish i was with them to share a meal -a lonely guy lost in the fast paced of life  ,,missing lot of essential things in life which money cant buy ---i know people who reach my age now are of same case --missing the essential things due to the fast paced nature of life but we have to remember one thing --work will never give the happiness these things give--things like spending 10minutes with your family during food time --10 minutes of a stroll in park with elderly people in your family --all it takes a few minutes of your life to see how kind god  is giving us sumone and how beautiful life can be if only properly realised
                                                       For me life seems a complete mess in some ways  as i m again preparing to start the run of thousand miles hoping to see and feel another soulful meal --if it means im on for sumthing special as today which had the wonderful feeling of all i wished --a lunch from a close family person --a sister who is married and a mother herself --but  remains  a child at heart -a lovely down to earth hubby who is one of the most down to earth persons i have met in my life ,,quality happy ,,unforgettable time it was-but im matured enough to understand the brash realities of life too- a married sister cant be troubled regularly ,,missing that great mother who was too great to be here with me --and being single also stops me the last option for looking for sumone to fill that void  --i regret a bit and feel sorry for myself a bit too at this stage --but im happy to have savoured some special moments in my life --and its fair to say the tear in corner of my eye after my lunch was a apology   to my mom --apology for the actions during those nights which i troubled her relentlessly -- While i enjoyed this day with these lovely people and certainly cherish it to my last  ---i dont want it to happen everyday because i know its too precious to be yearned for every day --so i start the run again --8 years or 80 years i will never stop --its what life is all about --searching for eternal happiness --there will be sumone like that in your life --just make sure u dont ignore them unknowingly ---nothing lasts forever --certainly not life --but if recognised such moments do last for eternity--be part of such lovely moments u will know what im talking about :)
                                                  
                                                      
                                                     

Tears Are The Best Words A Heart Cant Express!!

            "How powerful is our tears -- more powerful than what we think "


                   I felt the urge to write this blog because few days back i wanted to break down very badly to release the pressure my mind was feeling but i did not -i don't have my sweetest persons near me ,my all time best frd hurt me badly so much so it brought a uneasy silence in my heart ,neither do i have my miraculous girl nearby me --everyone live far apart -so in all ways if i shed tears i will be washed away by destiny -if i want to defeat the ever surfacin fears of life --this is the best way -holding on my tears -hoping one day using them all together when there  are moments that are   undeniably joyful (damn sure there will be some soon) !!

                        Today there are million reasons for me to cry --thousand  reasons to feel sickening bad --hundred reasons to feel sad that i have mouths that wanna curse me more than hands that are ready to support me---i have few good hearts to wish me good --a miraculous girl who lives so far but offers a invisible hand always in tough times ,a job that was  not my first wish but my best destiny in these times --all these make me all the more strong believer that if u wanna take on ur fears u have to first hold back ur tears,,turn desperate moments into life changing decisive moments


         One of the most powerful emotions but often negatively referred one is of our tears ---Who taught me to cry ??--how did it came naturally??--the answer is simple --its the same god who made u smile without anyone teaching --but often a smile is referred to as something of happiness but tears are always referred as  some sought of negativity --in reality not all tears are exhibition of loss or bad things ,,in my view it is powerful weapon if used properly to defeat out demons --the key lies in using them less ,,holding them back a tad little --sumtimes its what will give u impetus to be more fierced and focussed


        I remember the first time i cried --i got what i want --it was like a chocolate that i was addicted to --when i needed to get sumthing i just cried-i thought my tears is a boon that will get me anythin--i never realised that it is one of the ultimate weapons u need if u had to defeat ur demons and fears-the first time i failed in exams in my teens made me cry to hide the truth that  i started to become careless,,it started a regular habit of using it to escape the true wrath from people whom i love,,my boon was working wonders --i was slipping under the notice of everyone in the mask of my tears --little i knew abt what followed few years later


      The fear of failing and standing up to be counted made me try to use my tear as a  mask to escape the wrath of truth --i felt to be sucessful in my attempts then  --thats probably the pain and gain of youth --you know u r doing something wrong yet u wanna do it --then out of teens --out of college --the world seemed suddenly brighter than ever --with a plethora of shocks happening in matter of  very short time--my mom who had seen most of my tears left --and with it left what all i had --my belief ,,my confidence ,my love for dresses ,,my motivation to live ---and finally the "boon i thought i had owned also left"--i stopped to get tears when i wanted --suddenly there was no escape from the things i feared ,,then i realised if it had to be  a meaningful life ,i had to use my tears as my primary weapon against my fears and inner demons


    After all a normal ordinary commoner cannot be a superman --he has to learn to manage with what he has -that is exactly what i decided to do--if i wanted to goto my desired path it required sumthing very strong-i was confronted with continuous terrible situations which demanded nothing but tears ,,i wanted to but i held them back with great difficulty--every time i wanted to break down i just became more strong that if i break down it will be after i have tried my mighty best to not --it was unusual situations ---for a normal person--the important things in life are mom,our dream angel ,.,small small dreams which we work so hard --no different in my case --but they exitted pretty fast than it entered my life ---i just learnt if i start releasing my tears i would be even more vulnerable person than i m ,thankfully to god and some good happenings i realised it before too late


 Finishing with the line from my personal diary i wrote recently when i was about to shed a tear or two abt a very special someone


   "A smile masks truth sumtimes
    but tears always shows what u feel
    U heard my tears when none did
    now i hold mines to listen your smile sumday "
                            Cheers  :)

"Your Life Was Like A Beautiful Flower With Everlasting Fragrance And Will Be So Forever - R.I.P !!

                          In remembrance of the girl who was a miracle in my life --on her 3rd anniversary --You were a miracle who i never believed until you left --Miss you always--R.I.P
                          
                "U never appreciate what you have when u have "----i dont know about others but this fits me well,,the best things u have in your life dont last forever --but when u realise the worth ---u know its pretty late --nothin freezes in this world --no matter how much we wish it to be so with certain parts of our lives 

                Sum people are meant to be immortal --My beautiful mom is certainly like that in my life and if anyone gave me goosebumps as much as my moms memories did it was u -my dear angel --God knew probably not everyone born in this world are genius to know the purpose of their lives ,thats why he sent people like you to make the world a better place .

                 U were the person with the second best smile i had seen in my life --the girl who lived a life to fullest even though it was all but 26 years in this world --Scaringly good  in looks and talks ,exceedingly amazing as a writer --till date the best writer who has inspired me to write whatever my heart feels  --some of her words  were amazing for me ,,a bundle of positive energy ,,a flower with a ever lasting fragrance --that is how i will remember you and by few other words u uttered like

                " Your anger is like drizzle in a breeze--but your love is like breeze itself "--Probably the best lines i have ever been complemented in my life

                " I cant think abt my future --it brings fears-i dont think about the painful past either --it brings fears --but this moment is what it all counts --if i die the next moment --i will be a happy person alright "

                "My life is not a bed of roses --who cares--i will take the roses --this life is not such a bad place to be"

                "I know love came to me naturally--i dont want to live artificially ever since it came"(She loved a useless guy for 6 years relentlessly )

                "Im not what you see but if this is what makes you happy --i will be so forever  "--you were  always keen on doin somthing for others ,3 years since u have left the admiration and respect only grows on what a amazing human being you were

                 A ardent sincere worker in social organisations and a regular visitor to orphanages --i remember u  once said seein orphanages kids --"we could have been very well one of them --maybe god was kind on us --i dont want them to feel that god was not kind on them --atleast for these few hours im there they musnt"-i must reiterate here that  i was never a believer in all these stuffs earlier in my life but now do .

                 Maybe you were  always born to be misunderstood --you were the calmest person i have seen in my life--nothing stopped you from trying your best in everything you did --you were the miracle i never believed ,,the person who silently influenced my thoughts--the reason behind me understanding that relationship and friendship are sumthin very important in life --maybe  you the reason i sumtimes believe that a girls love and care are incomparable to anything in this world  --its my perspective

                Now everytime im pressed to break a friendship or a relationship --i remember you --you never broke a relationship even when you had few  quarrels ,,it was easy for sumone like u who never had ego,anger ,,Your life was lesson in itself --a book-- whose pages i never get tired in reading them --a very sincere and wonderful meaningful life ,,

              I know u must be at peace with God ,,or rather i should say he must happy having sumone like you along with him,,you were remarkable ,,unbelievable and one of the purest souls i have ever known in my life --your memories are cherished --Yours was a life that had nothing but good deeds and it was excruciatingly sad to see your end succumbed to the one thing you were a  incomparable queen--- "Love"

           I end with what i wrote on your first anniversary
             "Death is a coward --it follows us like a shawdow till our last and on our last moment comes in front of us and smiles --but i bet when it did come in front of u--it would have said "Sorry""
                            "R.I.P my evergreen Queen of Love "---Thanks for the unforgettable memories and moments
  With Lots of respect and admiration----Your Good friend :)
                
               

Its Heart And Will That Matters ---U Proved It Right --"Happy Bday Rohit Garhwal -My Brother"!!!

 "All I have is my heart and soul thats all,,,but with them  i will make sure there is a meaning for what im here"
   
             "  Dedicated to my luvely brother Rohit Garhwal --On his birthday ---Sep17---happy bday bro--u have been a hell of a inspiration !! "

With Rohit Garhwal 3 years back in Bangalore

Unforgettable memory of meeting a unforgettable person!!

               
                The first time i saw this brother of mine was in bangalore in Dec 2008 ---after being online frds for more than 3 years till then -the first meeting told me this guy was  wunderful human being --i landed in railwy station at 3.30 in mornin --my train was schduled to be at 5--and i knew noone other than him there,,and there he was ,,waitin with a unforgettable smile at 3.30 in mornin ,the sincerity and care to hel sumon whom trusted him be it at cost of his comforts was unique -its amost now nearly 6 odd years i hve been friend to this guy and its just been a pleasure and priveleage to be a friend to such a wunderful human being --one of the best guys i have known in life for his soft nature ,, helpin tendency and remarkable humility despite achievin o much so young
                I was never pushed to my limits in my young age ,born in a above average family --i did not have to put the hard steps to earn my due ,,,in that sort of way i never knew wht it will be for sumone to do the opposite of what i was in my young age ,,,it never struck me until i met this person Rohit Garhwal---yes you may question --whats the big deal --he's your friend --u r entiltled to say so --but have a look at the articles on this guy u will know what im sayin about

http://daily.bhaskar.com/article/RAJ-JPR-farmers-son-among-36-raj-students-to-crack-cat-1751495.html

http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-04-19/jaipur/29446641_1_business-models-iit-kgp-social-entrepreneurship




                              The world knew this guys was special  because he was so obviously talented ,,he could not be left out for long not being noticed,,  ,,but i know personally how much hard work it has taken him to be  what he is now ,,,how many stressful nights ,,how many days with bleak future beckoning ,,walkin in the streets with weary legs and weary mind of constant travelling and a tirin job pushing him to limits in every aspect ,,with a troublesome financial conditions and a family to be looked into ,,absolutely nothing to fall upon and everythin to be cursed ,,hearing  all these  news scared me sumtimes that he was destined to go downhill --but nothin made him give up his dream --his destination was always impossible as it seemed but  ,,he was always after it with belief hunting down at it relentlessly,,till it eventually appeared in  his realms of possibilities !!!
               Now a secured future in prospect ,,the  guy works even hard in his  hard earned seat in IIM Ahmedabad ,,,nothin is substitute to him for hardwork ,,,The scary future ,,the tired legs ,,the heavy worload of takin care of a family ,,,forlorn talks of pursuin his dream instead of his family and surrounding --i could imagine how dicey a decision  it might have been to bury your dream for a equally required necessity of accepting responsibility .
             Not one soul i remember be it  his friends( few of whom are my best frds now)  or ,from his lovely sister -have one different opinion abt him-all have same admiration for him as i have -yet he walks away as if hes least bothered and hes not one for the adulation he richly deserves ,,,his humility stood out always ,,,yes he has his flaws but who doesnt ,,but hes to me better than many that he accepts his flaws ,,works on his strengths and takes every torturin ,treacherous situation as a challenge to be quelled ,,i know many of his achievements are damn good  because some of them were in my childhoods dreams ,,,i left those dreams midway and succumbed to pressures,,sumtimes to see that achieved by ppl whom u admire and love sumwhat brings peace to a forgone guilt ,"To you  brother --its been the most heart warming story that i have seen in my life--despite blow after blow --the single bloody mindedness of  a gritty fighter u are --finally you are on the way u rightfully deserve--u deserve every praise that is possible ,,,for u have carried urself with highest possible dignity ,unparalled love for ur close mates ,,and mind bogging sincerity in every field u go ,,as far as role model,,gud human being ,,brilliant person,,affectionate brother--u have been the perfect example if i had ever to cite one !!
          "THOUGH KNOWN FOR 6 ODD YEARS -I HAVE MET THIS WONDERFUL BROTHER IN REAL JUST ONCE AND SPENT JUST 6 ODD HOURS"--i wonder what i would have been if i had the opportunity to have spend more time with him in real,,some ppl are  born to inspire ---u r surely one for me alright  ---Happy bday Rohit Gaddu Garhwal!!

Happy Birthday Ma Beautiful Mom

          Wishin the person who made me what im --on her 53rd bday -Happy Birthday to the most wunderful person i had in my life --My Mom

 
            The best thing that happened in my life was been born to great parents ,,specially a very very unique mother ,,,Mothers are very special --you were very very special ---you not only literally gave life to me --You gave me the real meaning and direction of my life --you were nothing short of magical and miraculous in my life
         There was a time in my life when days and nights were all together with you by my side ,,,My best memories of my school life was you--i had not much friends --i had not much fun--i was not bright ,,i was not much liked --but i had you--you wanted me to do sumthing  beyond my true capability,,i could not fail u ,,ur true love --it made me do things against my wish
          Then there was a time when i refused to goto college --discontinue it in the middle--low on confidence --fear of acheiving my ambition ---my fears never scared u as it threatened me---i saw at that moment that i was living with a very special person--a person who beleived in me than i did or was capable of
          I remember touching your hands every day as years went it had become so rough --u always smiled touching my cheeks saying nothing,,,now i realise why---seein the washing machines nowadays -i remem those days how u use to wash all tht with your own hands for your  children to look bright -- --i knew always  u were  the best thing that happened in my life
          I dont remember one moment when u slapped me or hit me in anger which u had all the rights and reasons to do so many times -where did u get all the patience ?--where did u get all that love and where did u get tat wonderful smile ?---i could not find answer to them all ,,but i cherish that smile --gosh u had a smile that i never saw in anyone --unmatched heavenly smile !
         I now can understand how u celebrated ur birthdays --i can see my own locker having lot of shirts i got on your bday and i saw your own locker recently it had the same things --nothing had added --your bday was meant to be celebrated for your children to have gifts and sweets ,,nothing for u --absolutely nothin
         I remember asking as a young boy --do u also go to god?--u replied wth a smile ---"I wont ,,i will be with u as long as u want "--u kept ur word alright --u still remain with me --not physically but in every other means possible
         Probably the only relationship that never expects anythin in this world is that of a mother ---in my case that was true --you never expected me to reach ur dreams ---you always made me try to realise that my  dreams were possible --I saw god in you till you were with me --i was absolute useless piece of mud till u decided to change my life --i dont know whether i changed  as u wanted   or realised my dreams a u wished  --but i know  i tried and am tryin  hard now too because of all your efforts ,for ur unbridled care and love u showered on me like none
          From the moment i held ur hand to walk in my childhood  to the time i waved goodbye in my school time,to the time i came back running to you in fear of failing in my life to hold ur hand tight again ,,,to the time i finally held it to kiss farewell forever ---i remember every moment --those were the best happiest moments of my life --i never wanted to recreate those moments -i treasured each and every moment -my walk without you had no pattern initally but slowly it had ,the more i realised what a wunderful person i had ,the more i realised about ur wishes and dreams ,,now im a better man ,,a calmer guy ,,,but with more admiration and amazement of what a special person i had not realisin then but nowa very proud son for having such a great mother
         So here it is --to the most complete person i knew ,,to the most lion hearted lady who defied even death ,,to the angel who made me realise my worth ,to the most influential person of my life ,to the most amazin person i had in  my life ---to my wunderful mom ,,
      HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM---I KNOW YOU ARE WATCHIN FROM ABOVE --LUV U ALWAYS --AND MISS U ALWAYS -AND I WONT REST BEFORE YOUR DREAMS ARE REALISED ,,,,,,
                Your luving Son,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Shanmu .

A detail look into Irom Sharmila and Human Right Activist Sengodi --How many of us know about them ?--Is Fame the Name Of Game Always ?

IROM SHARMILA --IF WE CANT STAND FOR TRUE CAUSES MORE THAN ONCE WHAT DO WE STAND FOR ULTIMATELY?

Irom Sharmila--Arrested,,forcefully fed ,,arrested again--how many of us know her struggles--11 LONG YEARS FASTING

               Annas Hazareji's effort may have finally ended in sucess ,,,although its still debatable till its actually brought in use ,,its a victory for indian people --Hazareji represented people wish and fought wonderfully ,but there was one incident which irked me ,,i read that Hazareji had written a letter to " Irom Sharmila "to come and join with him in corruption,i felt it grossly unfair personally ,,while im supporter of Hazareji non violence sincere fights against a corrupted govt ,,i still feel it was not right personally to ask her support when noone had helped her in her 11 year struggle 

              I read few days later that "Irom sharmila "calling the fight as artificial ---i could understand her pain --she was not against hazarejis fight ,,she was not able to believe her 11 yr struggle has got no recognition while

Tv channels,,,news media ,,,made the fasting as one of the most publicised events in indian history ,,,while its appreciable of the efforts to bring corruption --u cant help but think its for increasing TV ratings and garner fame in whatever way possible --if not so i would like to ask the following questions

       *  Why has Irom Sharmila struggle not been recognised and why hazareji wrote a letter to her when he had not helped her in her fight in any way --even a support letter when she was strugglin?

       *  11 years to  this Novemeber she has been on fast --force fed ,,arrested ,,released,arrested ,,yet her single issue of  erasing a dangerous controversial law which ultimately consumed many people not brought to limelight --it seems price of her life even matters nothing because it doesnt bring fame --shortly  all these tv channels ,,media find it no worth as there doesnt seem to be guarantee of fame ( A leading news channel in today's newspaper clearly carried out their motive as they took great pride in mentioning that their   news channel highly watched during fasting  --refer--Times of India -06/09/11,,)

      *Why were people not brought to awareness of her struggle --how many of us know who she is and what her struggle is for --here it is 

Who is Sharmila?

Irom Sharmila Chanu​ is  also called The Iron Lady of Manipur. Born on March 14, 1972, Sharmila is a political activist who has been on a fast since November 2, 2000, when she was just 27-year-old. She demanded that the Centre repeal the  Armed Forces (Special Powers) Act, 1958 (AFSPA), which allowed the Army to indefinitely detain any citizen on suspicion of being a rebel. Having refused food and water for more than 10 years, she has been called “the world’s longest hunger striker”. The government is now force-feeding her with the help of a tube in judicial custody. She was arrested on charges of “attempt to commit suicide” and released after completion of a year’s sentence since  Section 309 of the IPC says a person who “attempts to commit suicide” is punishable “with simple imprisonment for a term which may extend up to one year.
  
   If u think thats unfair  the following incident  is sadly even more unfair      


When will people support such actions -we all saw wht people power did to the government ---how much do u need to show the importance of ur fight --GIVE UP UR LIFE ----WELL EVEN THT WAS NOT ENOUGH --- HUMAN RIGHTS  ACTIVIST SENGODI  --WHO COMMITTED SELF IMMOLATION FOR THE RELEASE OF TRIO WHO ARE CONDEMNED TO GALLOWS --HARDLY GOT THE NEWS,,

 Activist Sengodi's written letter---a leading newspaper wrote that she did this on love failure --this proves it was not for tht

Human Right activist Sengodi after self immolating her --heart wrenching scene 

 While i personally felt she could have stood and fought in a different way , ,,,in the end even sacrificing her life has got no attention and a leading newspaper put it across in the most pathetic manner saying she died because of love failure ,,Unbelievably careless or unbelievably arrogant--god knows!! ,,but i  thought a 11 day fast garnered unbelievable support from us all but what abt all these peoples noble efforts,why r we kept in dark ,,is it not time to make a statement in these incidents --is it not duty of media ,paper ,,us to do sumthing abt it?


    Irom Sharmila might be in fasting for her life if we dont recogonise the cause of her fight ,,,we wont stop more self immolation like social activist Sengodi if we dont understand the cause ,,the need ,,But sadly as things roll on its obvious tht fame is the name of the game ,,,and we just seem to be following it like robots programmed to be so ,,


     "Be the change you want to see --Mahatma Gandhiji words "---the question is" Do we want to see a change ??--If "Yes" is the answer then we should start doin sumthin about such incidents ,,do our bit in tryin to do sumthin for things like this to not happen again,,,For a change let us not go after fame and make it follow us  if needed by fighting for more causes than just one ,,the final line should be simple -if there is injustice we will stand up --it should be same for media ,,politicals activists and everyone --otherwise we might just be seeing endless Irom sharmilas and sincere souls like Sengodi(May her sincere soul R.I.P) immolating themselves ,,,it should be stopped and i know only one force can do it -"People"--wishing it happens sumday ,,,,,

(I hope it is understood all these are strictly a personal views told in better interest of awareness to few-and not meant to hurt anyone --if hurt unknowingly im sorry for tht --the purpose of my blog is certainly not tht )




 

Couple Of Nosecuts --Pleasant Thought Provokin Ones But !!!

                                           Ok todays blog  is about the past weekend where i got lot of nosecuts but meaningful ones nevertheless

          Nosecut 1;

                          I met one of my friends father who i knew the best part of 5 years,,sumtimes he surprised me with his too orthodox style and meticulous workethics--his life seemed too computerised to me hardly showing any emotions at all so much his son,daughter and family all sort of hated them ,,as it happens with stupid bachelors like me we are left sumtimes with no explanations when we r caught with ppl whom we dont like much,,we have to sit along with them and just listen to silence with unwanted people,,,

                         I noticed him writing a address from a piece of newspaper cutting,,,he was writing  and keeping a few 10 rupee notes in them ,,i was curious and asked him "Uncle whats it u r doing?"---his answer was look with irritation,,obviously he did not like me or my question at tht time ,sumhow i dont know i thought is he thinkin too much of himself --ok let me  make  more irritated then ",i asked bit mockingly "what u r gona send ur amount to president of america ?"---i thought he might get angry but why care ,,he disrespects everyone ,,let him learn sumthin?--to my amazement he turned back to me and said calmly --u wanna know what im doin rite --im sending 40 rupees to this hospital for this ad in the newspaper ,sayin so handed me that cutting of news paper --it had a advertisement of a family appealing to the public asking for help for a kidney transplantation for a kid --i read it and saw him again

                     He continued "i was born in a very poor family --my mother said to me i was helped by a village elderly person for expenses of my birth ---there was not a day where my mom would not mention that --im a middle class man --earning just pension now -- but ever since my first month salary i have been doin this ,,though i cant spend much i make it point to never stop to send what is left ,,at the most i can send to just one person and i know its not much--i have been doin it for 36 years --my 40 rupees might not save tht person --i cant guarantee it ,,but wht if the person dies of not having the 40 rupees?? ,,,if the elderly person had not done tht then i would have never seen this world ,I dont see if its president  of America or anyone --my little  contributions will stop only  when my heart beat stops -i was given a calm lesson on why certain old people appear so odd ,,they see the priorities in life ,,while we see the flashiness in life ---nosecut and left dumbfounded bit,, i left the house with the thought have i ever done that in my life --if not when will i do sumthing like tht ---it got to me ,,the future will have the answer :)

Nosecut 2 ;

              This was with my frd with whom i always had funniest conversations ,,rarely serious talks i have with him ,,,he was sincere guy,funloving,hardworking, ,,as many he was bit by love bug --5 years -- still  waiting for his familys approval he had been tirelessly tryin ,,i always mocked him as much as a non believer of  the word "love" should do ---he again sadly said to me after a latest disapproval from his family "what am i gona do without her ?--how can i accept sum other girl in my life other than the girl i love ?(his dad was obviously askin him to marry a girl on arranged marriage )

              I as usual said  jokingly said to him---why u wanna be a devdas?i dont understand why u crib around this ---Is ur dad askin u to kill sumone for u to feel like this ? whats gona happen ??--he replied "Its about sumthin called "TRUST"--its killing the trust of sumone on me --its as good as killing sumone ---"I dont imagine a life with her  "(looking at me so fiercely with a ridiculous smile )---"I know my lifes is only with her "--so the trust will never be broken,,patted on my back and left 

           Mayb he was right ,,maybe i might prove him wrong--again i was left to thinkover bit--future holds the answer who knows??

           But i know one thing for sure ,,next time i must take extra minutes and think  before making a dig or end up with nosecuts like this --but they taught me few lessons --pleasant nosecuts they were though

:) :)