"Depression -One of the biggest challenges in life "

Recently a article on sad demise of  Varsha -noted singer Asha Bhonsle's daughter was found out to be a suicide most probably of depression for which she was undergoing treatment -May her soul  rest in peace.
http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-10-08/mumbai/34321873_1_singer-asha-bhosle-prabhu-kunj-anand-bhosle
                                    The supposed reason "Depression"is often reason for many a downfall ,,many years before when i asked probably the only person i never saw depressed in a whole short lovely life

 "I have never seen u depressed ,,How come ?"--She replied "If you mean depression as devoid of happiness --I Have enough happiness --if u mean depression as excess of sadness --I will never be that sad  "--Sumthing i have never been able to find  such a balance in my life --Depression has been always the uncalled guest who i have had to find a right  reason essentially everytime  to chase out quickly to prevent getting engulfed .

                                      In my young age i had wondered why do famous people get affected by depression --I still remember very well during my  schoollife i became a big fan of "Princess Diana "--I was mesmerised by how beautiful sumeone could look -Her rude ending felt like pure unjust --but as years went by i happened to read a few articles on her which described how much she had been suffereing from depression in her life for long time -For years, the public believed that Diana was living a fairy tale life, married to her real life Prince Charming. However, this was far from the truth. According to "Diana: The Last Word" by Simone Simmons, late in her first pregnancy Diana threw herself down a staircase trying to draw attention to her pain. She said of the incident, "I wanted Charles to put his arms around me and say he loved me, but all he ever did was give me a pat on the back." In a 1995 interview conducted by the BBC, Diana revealed that she had suffered from post-natal depression after her first son, Prince William was born. She admitted to self-injuring due to the pressure she felt trying to adapt to her role as Princess of Wales, but said it backfired since rather than getting her the help she needed, it made people believe she was attention-seeking and unstable. She also confessed to secret binging and purging of food to help her deal with her marriage problems,
                                      Famous or not --depression seems inevitable --Thanks to a wonderful family and pretty careless attitude in my early years i hardly had to encounter the real meaning until the sudden demise of my angelic mom --i spiralled into depression that took couple of years to get back to look into life for better brighter things --Two Long Years -years which made me realise life has its own ways ---and on most times it isnt what u visualised -the prolonged depression --took my magical fantasies ,,my eternal dreams were just blown away along with that period ,,i dont remember battling anything so fiercely in my life ever since that  first rude introduction - ever since even though i have not been hampered so badly as that instance i have been goin through stages where i would border on dangerously engulfed by depression but i always felt it as one of the biggest challenges offered by god ever since i heard those magical words from that frd
 
          "Being depressed makes me forget to appreciate that im alive 
            God has given me reasons to feel depressed -i found one reason not to be so 
            At the end of day whatever u do in ur life is ur choice "
 
                                            Today  my heart after every failure feels the pain and has a endless attraction to get depressed like those two years again --but the words of that friend --coupled with a fierce will to achieve few dreams -my promises to my mom on her final days --keeps me going sumhow --sumtimes it is not a choice of whether u can --its just "u have to ".
                                               Depression should be kept as a shawdow --because then only u will see the road ahead clear without obstruction --the moment u allow depression to become more than a shawdow and allow urself to be engulfed then everythin happening would become questionably pessimistic --front it up as one of the biggest challenges --never underestimate your   fighting capabilities --as one saying goes

           "MIRACLES DO HAPPEN ONLY IF YOU ARE PREPARED TO SEE THEM "

                                               The next time you feel depressed just believe you can find a reason not to feel so ---no matter if you fail 1000 times u will suceed --who knows the miracle we wish to see might be ourselves ----:P:P

 

"Gandhiji -A True Leader "

 
                   "Whatever you do will be  insignificant but its very  important u do it "
                                                                                             -- Mahatma Gandhi
           If ever you decide to read a autobiography of a great person --then make sure u read "My Experiments with The Truth "-M.K.Gandhi--i bet you cannot find a more sincere and authentic explanation of life as it is than Gandhijis masterpiece --A must read -for the betterment of life and way you wanna see life ,,truly one of the most fascinatiing pieces of insight into a persons life as it is - He truly deserves the respect he has earned that will remain forever the same .
                                                          The first memory of Gandhijis influence in my life came when i was very young --i saw a frd of mine in a fancy dress competetion dressed up like Gandhiji --and all the while we were all clapping making fun noises --giggling --suddenly the moment his name was announced -there was pin drop silence ---it left me wondering --what happen --It was of "Respect " the great man had earned in his life that people ,generations later respected what he had done in his life -- "The man who conquered his inner weaknesses "--i got fascinated ever since and have taken my time to read articles and news about him even though im a self acknowledged pathetic reader ,lol.
                                                          Many of our generations just know his heroic struggles against the british --his nonviolence --but to reach that state --only reading the life history and the events that transpired in his early life will u realise how much he had to struggle to overcome his own demons --sumthing which he refers as "Evil what we see outside is a reflection of evil and weakness inside oneself"---That the relevance of Gandhiji to our people was never in question before us and will never be for centuries is a absolute testament of quite a remarkable person the world had ever seen
                                                       Yes it’s a truth that Mahatma Gandhi did wrong things like eating meat and lying to his mother about it. He used to smoke and he himself admitted that he was a jealous husband. But he stopped them as soon as he realized it was wrong. When he lied to his mother about eating meat he felt guilty and promised to himself that he will never take meat again. Before going to London he took a vow that he will never touch wine, women and meat. He lived up to his promises ,probably for anyone aspiring to rise above their inner weaknesses and demon there is probably no better example than our "Father of our nation".
                                                       Gandhiji was afraid of public speaking. He was very shy. He gave up a case because he did not have the courage to speak. Because of his shyness it was becoming hard for him to continue his practice as a barrister. Later on, in South Africa Mahatma Gandhi was able to overcome his shyness.Another prime example of belief ,conquering inner demons ,Sumtimes in our constant struggle to rise above inner demons we need sumthing more than inspiration and strength --a practical guidance to tackle the weaknesses -probably thats where Gandhiji's life becomes a wonderful help to see life with better belief and a deep sense of clarity of where we stand .
                                                       To write about him it may require 1000's of pages --his life is a  book for everyone-- To live a life with utmost sincerity --The discipline ,--the dedication in life -the guts to accept his mistakes and rectify them --refine himself of his shortcomings --the tremendous self control he held for his whole life -everything seems unbelievably remarkable yet so real!!His autobiography makes a huge statement on how sumone who was on the way to being another imperfect man went on to become the most ardent example  for perfection by self control and belief --his life eventually has become the most inspiring example for generations to follow --for me that particular point "that u need not be born perfect to be perfect is the example,inspiration and motivation required  for anyone to follow and  strive to make  some of their impossible dreams in life a reality.
                                                        His influence is  just not abt book in my life --i still remember very fondly --the best incident in my education life came in my 11th standard -when asked suddenly by my then Eng Teacher --i had to choose a topic of my liking of some historical person--i went to the stage and i went point blank and the first image pf a historical person--the first image of a leader was Gandhiji --i spoke about his role in then improving the status of women in society --till that very moment i was unsure to even talk before a group of people but the appreciation after i had done my speech -(even though the presentation was not a great one )-was in genuine respect of acknowledgment from all of a great leader --almost everyone was feeling the same --the admiration seemed endless --the respect genuine --he has strolled generations and will stroll thousands  of years to come -An inspiration,a terrific role model,beyond everything he will always be "A True Leader "

                                                       
                                                    

There Are Times When Your "Support "Does Matter Lot !!!

      "To watch helplessly a life coming to a end prematurely is the most cruel thing in world"

      " In memory of one of my sister like friend who passed away to Breast Cancer recently -R.I.P Sister"

                                                                 In today's mechanical world the loss of sumone known matters for minutes --we just feel sorry for sum moments and then carry on with our work --almost forgetting the incident as a scary dream not worth remembering another time -Recently happened to witness some very terrible unfortunate incident after incident in my life altering so many feelings unexplainable ,the cruel end of a frds sister to breast cancer left me battered to pieces ---it did not seem a good idea to have belief and goodwill to defeat fate because there always seems only one winner - FATE .
                                                                 Recently a explanation  made by a friend in the funeral made me really take note off --He said and  I quote "Buddy i have been with this family for last one year --ever since i knew of the diagnosis of breast cancer --The family was broken to pieces and were struggling to accept truths --accept the pressure of financial pressures it brought about --the numerous hospital check ups --the eventual treatment causing her to become bald --and every day she was surviving with her family and couple of us giving her hope that she is winning the battle which she never was --my role was very minuscle --i just made sure i was there for her regularly --im not rich so i could not help her financially but i would go to her house to help her when she needed outside help--She lived 1 year more than doctors predicted--but the sufferings of family and her was beyond words --but every time i went to meet them --they felt better --they felt the inevitable was put off by few more minutes --after all u give sumthing that isnt costly but precious to them --"YOUR TIME "
                                                                He was true by every word --but to put to practice is  one of the hardest things imaginable --i personally know the pain of seeing my wonderful Mom pass away in front of my eyes --i could remember the last few days --i could exactly remember the people who made their sincere efforts to visit my mother out of true love and respect ,,not to mention the remarkable scene of witnessing my entire college batchmates aligning themselves to see  my mom one last time--a time when my collegemates became my friends --life changed --but that last few days --that last few moments meant a lot --it gave a few more moments in my magnificent mom's life --the last tear from her closed eyes touched my hand when i looked around to see the real people who gave those few extra moments to a noble life.
                                                               I probably never did that to many people in my life despite unfortunately being part of sum wonderful people's shocking ends to some ailment or another --which leads to me question --"Does ur support matter to people suffering some ailment ?"--The answer is a big definite "Yes"--For anyone u know in life --u owe a few moments --moments that u might never know but moments that might matter a eternity to their family --when my friend said the sufferings he saw of the frds sister --suffering from breast cancer --i closed my eyes --not able to hear more out of shock and shame --shame that i knew her end yet i hardly made a couple of visits ---that is the important thing --"u make a point to visit them with  giving them hope rather than taking what they have "---else never go .
                                                              She passed away at 33 --not seeing the wonderful things the world might have yet had for her --but i hope she was lucky to have had few souls who made sure she had hope till her last giving a few precious moments to her family --that needs a noble and hopeful heart --after all money cant buy some things --its left to us to make sure that message is passed on to our next generations ,The next time u see sumone suffering give them ur "time"whenever possible because there isnt a better thing in the world u could do to them --i missed  doing exactly that but when i came out i decided it wont happen again in my life --because my moms tear --tht last drop and those people who stood by then flashed in my mind --maybe its a cycle that i should have been a part and hope many of us would be --because our part might by minuscle but its important that we dont skip them --Sumwhere to sumone it might mean the whole world
                                               

                                                               

"Words From A Hopeful Heart "

        " My heart is not missing a beat --I just feel this is my reality
          My reality was never in my dreams --my dream never became a reality
           But neither have i stopped dreaming nor i have forgotten my reality
          To dream ,to accept reality --in short-- to live  is all part of life
          A life without love but  with dreams -with fake smile and real tears
          Tears which shout "your name "
           Fake smile which silences those shouts
           My shouts reach only my ears and disappears through my heart
           My heart -a place which has endless love despite shocking pains
           Pains which made me better man but a fragile one
           A man who still searches for love fearing it might be in his past
           Past wont hold me back -Present will push me to my future
           A future with hope -with couple of my mates and hopefully bit of love
           Because after years of hopelessness --there is feeling of something blossoming
           A flower cannot blossom without sunshine --a man cannot live without love"
           
                                                                                  ---S  h  a  n -- :)                    
                             

          
           

Happy Bday Mom -The Greatest Human Being i Knew In My Life !!!

My Mother ----Happy 54 th Bday --On this day a few thoughts about u
       What was with those mesemerising eyes --everytime i saw them i saw only love !!
       Why was that face never a angry one --for the whole time i saw u i never saw one!!
       How was that smile so angelic for 21 years i was with u --never changed once !!
       How can it be true that i can still smell ur fragrance when i think about u ??
       I live the same life but why did it seem so magnificent then when u were there?
      Why you never forced me to do something for your wish --you had every right to do so!!
      Where was the magic wand i never saw that made me glue to your saree forever
      Why is that i dont remember much of my childhood without you ?
      Why you lifted me and walked  for 50 steps for 1 month  in school when i could not walk?
      Where was the confidence in me come from when i was anything but confident ?
      How were you patient endlessly despite getting pestered even at night 3 o clock for food?
                --perhaps u were just being what mothers are -u were just amazingly humble  always !

                   Now as a 30plus guy  with responsibilities and growing up in demanding lifestyles it makes me feel priveleged to have had that sort of person as  my mother --Yes i have tortured childishly ,i have pestered you endlessly --i have shouted you ---scolded you innocently --demanded more from you so much --yet why is that i cant realise one time u reacted against my seemingly stupid silly behaviours ,,Its just amazing how a mother treats her children --Only you mothers can do that --accept all our stupidity ,,ignore our silly behaviours ,smilingly waiting for us to grow !!

                  Ten years have gone since you left for your eternal voyage --but every year u seem fresher in my memory than the previous one --and every birthday of urs  it seems a voyage to my happiest years --returning to the best years of my life with the greatest human being i ever knew momentarily bringing those happiest smiles that sumhow i never felt again --maybe being part of a miracle made me forget that !!

                 These 10 yrs --i have yet to find a whole day of good food --i have yet to find sumeone whom u dreamed of being with me now--i m yet to find that special person who could end my loneliness --im yet to give life to few of my promises i made u --but what i have learnt without ur presence is immense --the value of life --the value of respecting people with true heart --value of never hurting sumone knowingly  --and most of all  "i have learnt to celebrate the life of a marvellous soul than to cry every day for not having u "
                When u went i felt u would hear me only if i cry --then i realised my silence could reach u --now i know u r with me always --even now whilst i write this i feel ur presence sumwhere around me with that angelic smile  --"To celebrate Life of Mom --Is like celebrating life itself"without u there is no life for me after all --:),,Thanks ,,Miss u and love u hell a lot
 

Sumtimes You Just Dont Hope -You "BELIEVE"

                              As i returned after a happy evening outing ---i had a different idea of life than one i had couple of hrs earlier --as i write it feels good though nevertheless
 
" Im happy that im a loner now --i fear noone --my pains dont scare me anymore
   I know my path ahead is long and barren -- My Eyes Are Sore But Im not blind
   I dont have a shoulder to fall upon---i dont need one anymore
   I love you but i dont need you anymore --maybe its time
   Time to await some strangers --find unheard happiness
   After all its my world --my life --I can leave it just as black or white
   Or fill them with colours -Maybe it all begins again as a loner again
   Here begins my journey for the first colour for my rainbow of my life !!!!!
    
   "Sumtimes you just dont hope you "BELIEVE "
     :):):)

 

Sumtimes All It Takes Is a Beautiful "Rose"!!!

In the midst of a very trying time sumthing miraculous happened though a simple rose today -A rose which reminded a "Miracle"in my life ---My MOM

      " The time of life when you look to the skies for a answer
         Hoping sumone hears the words of my silence
         Hoping some one hears ur untold words
         Hoping some one wipes ur unseen words
         Walking with the feeling of carrying urself unnecessarily
          Almost every hope u have seems hopeless
          Then i got a rose accidentally --A ROSE!!!
                    
         "A Rose symbolising that magnificent angel of my life
           That Rose brought back the smiles of a great lady
           A lady whose love with roses was unbound
           Not gold,Not Sarees ,No Costly things made her happy
            As A Rose did --i always wondered --Why just a rose
            1 rupee always got that -i had no clue why it excited her
            But today when my heart weeped ,my eyes searched for answer
            Was waiting for a moment ,,a spark ,,a inspiration ,,and almost
            when every  hope had died --A ROSE in a temple did just that !!! 
                 
            My eyes glittered suddenly ---my hands felt colder than it should be
            My heart suddenly stopped weeping ---my mind became so active
            Memories of yesteryear's of that beautiful lady came back
            That wonderful person who loved this same rose more than anything
            That same person who gave me hope everytime i felt hopeless then
            Now that same person -the very meaning of epitome of life is giving hope
            Through that rose --every petal of that rose showed her happiness with this rose
           While the rose petals danced to the breeze --my heart felt the warmth of her hands
             Maybe i still have hope ---still have every meaning to fight -to smile
              That wonderful lady --MY MOM ---touched me with that same kindness
              Through that 1 rupee rose --the tear i had in my eye was in gratitude
            Proof that The best person to represent God in real life is none other than Mom!!

                   
                        There might be  divided opinions about People believing in God but there wont be much divided opinions on MOM---Whether with u physically or not they keep giving hope and belief in the most traumatic moments --and love beyond words --to put it simply
                        MOM-Magic Or Miracle --guess both --A rose made me realise that today
                                    Love u My Miracle ---Mom !!!!!1
                 

"A Frd Makes U Feel Special Till Ur Last-Period "

"Dedicated to all my friends who have made me feel special --My life feels all the more wonderful that i could remember some amazing memories --Happy Frdship Day "


                                           Got a call in the morning from a friend --"Hey Happy frdship day "--i was like "Seriously ??"--This was the first time in many years that i missed either remembering Rakhi and frdship day -- I wondered whether it was  pressures of day to day life  eventually getting to me or Is it natural course of life that the more u get into life u r in ur own lonely world that u are bound to move out from others in search of your destination --it is debatable with no clear answer but it was odd week in many ways
                                          Being a Sunday morning my day never began before 11 --then i went to wash my face and i stood 5 minutes just wondering again about this thought ---it felt insane -me forgetting frdship day --7-8  years back there was a time when i was surrounded by friends that i hardly ever forgot such a day ---went to my lappy  and was going through my old pics which i had saved --it felt Nostalgic and there was one picture when i was going through which had nearly 25 frds of us meeting on new years ever many years back --my memory went back to that wonderful day and i felt a smile --and thats when i probably realised sumthing ---"thats it man ---the role of a friend is that only --to make u feel special  --to make u trust urself till ur time with or without being present with u on day to day basis "
                                      " A Mom loves u unbelievably ,,
                                       A  Dad works for u Unbeleivably
                                       A Sister/brother cares for u unbeleivably
                                       Your love gives u happiness unbeleivably
                                       But your friend just stays with you --he/she is just simply beleivable  at every given opportunity ---Isnt tht mind bogglingly amazing "

                                      When everyone around you borders on the realms of unbelievability --ur frd just supports u endlessly,having gone through a painful transformation of accepting the facts that there can no physical assistance of any friend through my journey ---and still going through ---it makes me wonder in awe of this wonderful word "Frdship "--But there is a flip side and if u r under 25 guy please skip to last line because i know it is hard to share the same sentiment as a 30 plus guy but truth is well truth anyway u see it :)
                                        Inevitably for a 25 plus guy the dramatic fallout from his friends circle is far to comprehend for sumone less than that age--having practically felt the huge difference due to inevitable responsibilities --it feels a whole lot new world ---the best thing u can do is realise what u have had --"frdship is not the easiest thing imaginable --for u dont plan --u dont hope ---when it happens it happens "the beauty of maintaining any frdship after 25 is accepting that the chances of moving apart is more possible than sticking together ---no matter how hard ur heart yearns for that .
                                       The pictures told me story that in one entire picture of 25 friends --taken at a time most of us were together-- but as time as rolled by we hardly see each other even once a yr nowadays--its a undeniable truth  eventually life has moved us all out but for good reasons --in search of our goals --but still there is one fact out of all that -they remain in touch as best they can --they try their heart out to find some time once a while despite many having young families --to me that honest attempt -that sincerity --that responsibility--that realisation without analysin that "this is my friend --i will try my best to be with him when he needs "is all what u need from sumone u trusted to be ur friend .Hard to be so but never impossible --as i said thats why friends is the only relaionship which always seems "Believable-Every single time u wish and want"
                                       For all you guys under 25 --enjoy the time under the sun --its probably the best time u will find great mates--have great memories --moments that may get frozen in ur mind --trust me u might need all that few years down the line --life works in its own unique way --u have to play ur cards safely always :)
                                      I have had the pleasure of sumhow stringing some out of the world frdship--the old pictures were ample proof that i have had been very lucky to meet sum great mates and sumtimes some unseen jewels --at a point of time in my life where im stuck in a crisis it feels a strong motivation factor that im not alone sumwhere sumone of my frd is wishin me good standing by me --what more can i ask ?
       "A friend expects nothing but gives u his /her everything --expect no more than that sincerity"

                       
                                      

"Tommorow Is No promise --It Is A Belief"

                                     "Tommorow is no promise --it is a belief "

                          Actually the truth or matter of fact in todays world with the amount of ways to express love ,,with the ever increasing social networks ,electronic gadgets ,,being in touch every minute  has become a distinct possibility -- reasons that eventually lead to lot of break ups -misunderstandings ---communication gap in frdships and relationships --the aftermath of such a occurence is the one which shapes u into a person for greater things in life --You fall or rise exactly after these moments 
                           Getting hurt is a painful experience no one wishes to have --but it is a way to test your inner strength --i have seen people broken absolutely to pieces after just one incident and have seen acceptedly lot few ppl who took it as a challenge to write their own destiny by sheer guts and determination ,,that is sumthing not taught by anyone --it is in u ---just as noone teaches u to love these things need not be taught --"The fire has to burn in you --full stop ".
                            Its hard to comprehend what goes through sumones mind --but i can do that to me --just few years back --i had a sister like relationship with a girl who mesmerised me with her undbinding love--to a stage where i could not imagine a world without her as sister --Seperated by a year --the relationship was perfect epitome of the word"Platonic relationship"--but eventually it all ended in few moments that  i was absolutely shell shocked  not knowing what to do --i fought with her desperately --i felt i had lost part of me --i was speechless sumtimes to accept the reality that its over --but sumhow with help from couple of my online friends i got the feeling that "If its over it aint over for  my life"--I saw that "In life it is inevitable that people who are not meant to stay in your life  will never stay "
                           "Sorry"--the final words i still remember so vivdly that made me feel bad and strong at same time --bad that i had lost sumone who loved me so much --strong that imwas gona find what im made of  after all this .
                           It took me almost a year to come out my self imposed exile --to defeat my demons was probably the biggest challenge i had yet faced --yet it never perturbed me to the fact that i had to run desperately to that same person to quell  that challenge --that was my moral victory over sumthing that almost drove me mad --life doesnt teach u this part -it gives u such situations to see what u can do with it --"Whether u see it as a opportunity to make urself a  stronger ,better person or Whether u r just as brittle as anything else in this world which can break at the earliest point of time possible  --there in lies  the millimeter difference in becoming what u want and letting sumone to destroy what u can "
                          I have had subsequent incidents like that but after  that incident i have never felt as bad --life seemed far clear -i got this feeling  that " Im not here to satisfy every one in this world --sum might take me wrong --sum might take me good --the only thing i can do -is try being true to myself --rest is left to god ,,fate and my destiny ,,Sighning off with the quote i wrote after ending (hope temporarily)of one of my supposedly best friends ,pal and brother .
                    " With what u wrote Im hurt --Im broken but despite whatever i know i will move on  for my destiny is not written by you to be ruined when u want --I will soldier on --a little more unsure -- but thats fine "

                        " Never feel bad for sumthing/sumone  u tried ur everything---Let it go --if it is meant for u --u will get it back --if u dont then u were never meant too"

                                

A Tale Of Two Nights !!!

Copied and posted in dedication to one of my close frds whose arranged marriage was destroyed on the last minute by few silly,silly  incidents !!

                               After persuasion  to write what he felt in two nights he felt his life was altered slightly --my frd a pretty average writer felt it was fine --and i thought it would be apt to just copy it and post it in my blog ,,because it was that real to me !!

   One night -
"  For once i was living in a dream sumone was dreaming -it was out of the world feeling
       My truth was sumones rule book for a change --i never found a reason to wake up
       The stars in the night light were like witnesses to this beautiful dream i was living
        Sumbody gave my heart's rights to skate around --it did so merrily
        The next dawn seemed the most beautliful scene i could imagine
         Sumbody's voice seemed like the magical trap i fell wantedly
          I was wanted desperately by sumone --even time stopped moving
          Sumone was madly in love with me - giving me no reason to deny
          For first time i realised true love doesnt need yrs,months ,days ,just HOURS
          I knew it was hard to believe but when u r being loved truly who can
          Sumbody was refusing to forget me for a minute - I was crazily happy
          "Im all urs for life "-she said -i was seeing myself in mirror and smiled endlessly
            It was roses everywhere --my life was a garden that night-i was in heaven ,,,,


     The following night ,,,
          "Im now wide awake --my eyes refuse to close even --where will i dream now ?
            Sumone's lies have won over my truths --I have another reason to cry
            The stars in the night light were like mocking me at my reality without you
         My heart was screeched to halt by a unknown force -it was yearning  not to be so
             The next dawn seemed the toughest morning i could ever have faced
              I was searching for that "Sumbody's voice" to fall into that trap forever
            I was avoided shockingly despite being loved truly -every minute seemed like yrs
             Yes true love needed just hours but to forget that love it surely will take years
               I did not know that u can be forgotten easily despite loving sumone truly
            Sumbody was trying to forget me for life despite loving me  --i was crazily shocked
              "I was never meant to be urs "-her silence seemed to say to me
                I was seeing myself in the mirror --tears flowed endlessly
              It seemed thorns everywhere --my life was again a deserted forest once again
                                                                                  ----i was in hell again !!\

          Possibly the truth of these words  was understood when i saw through the persons moist eyes ---he had felt true love in one night and rudely broken by the girls dad for reasons  best known to him,,despite knowing the girl loved the guy and the guy was pretty decent guy perfectly acceptable for her love --but the startling flip sides of a arranged marriage stood right in front of my eyes when he was describing the facts with utmost pain ---i felt for a moment its better to choose ur destination than to wait for sumone to show u that--i was left  with no words to console a troubled soul than wishing that god hears the unheard tears of his heart and of his girl who loved him truly and magically --time might have been short but the way he wrote this and gave to me without a thought showed how true it was (note the synchronisation of words in both paras --exactly depicting the torture he went through by cruel fate )
            All i can say is if u know sumone is loving u truly --never ignore it -because sumwhere sumone is watching --oops forgot finishing with the last lines he wrote in his piece of paper
             " That one night my heart skated unbounded and happy  --a  testament to ur true love
                 Im priveleged to be the reason of that -noone can take that away from me "

                        Without u im struggling this night but i know tomm is new day !!
       
                   
                    

Possessiveness Is Just The Outcome Of Love --Definitely Aint A Crime !!!!

     Dedicated to my friend whose untold love was shattered to pieces by one word "Possessiveness"

           

  "Its time we take a step back because we have got too close to each other 

             With u this close i cant see where im standing even "

                                                                          --A inspirational friend long time back--Probably the first time i realised what is the meaning of this word "possessive"--Recently i happened to witness a heartbreaking break up of lost untold love of a very good writing friend of mine-whose love i noticed the first time i interacted with him ,so madly was he in love that when  it all ended in unbearable pain the truth and pain  was obvious even for me that it had hurt him pretty badly -a few instances in life came up in mind when analysing the incident with the friend 

                                                                            What is actually being possessive ---The time when your"Excess love on one person leads to sole focus on that person --thoughts ,wishes,dreams ,time ,everything points in cohesion with just one person --when ur happy moments and sad moments wait for exact reaction you expect from that person --u r invariably bound to become possesive of that person --everything is fine till the other person feels things the exact way beyond a certain period of time ,the moment the other person starts to feel differently --things take up a  bad turn leaving plenty of pain --there in lies the secret of logeivity of any relationship 

                                                                            There was once this  unforgettable girl in my life whom i felt as  a real sister --without whom for a certain period of time the world seemed a impossible place to live--my heart jumped in joy the first moment i interacted with  her ---mutual calls --mutual excitement --mutual feelings matching called for spending more time together--more sms -more gift exchanges -card exchanges on birthday time -it was supposedly one of the highlights of my life until reality set in -possesiveness set in and  our relationship became a strained one eventually ending prematuredly and lot painfully -We hardly realise during such times that things happening too fast for them to last forever --eventually everything that was mutual becomes monotomous --with one of the two parties feeling the strain to live upto the others expectation -slowly spacing out from other becomes the only possibility to extend the relationship-and eventually breaking up  ,,however hard it may seem ---it is a truth hard to accept but not impossible to deny .

                                                                           Possessiveness gives u hell a lot of tears ,,hell a lot of pain after the eventual absence of that person u loved more than anyone(saying from personal experince too --it seemed a awful time for a short period of time )--but despite all the negative aspects it brings --it has hell a lot of positive things

                      *  U learn how strong u r as a person

                      *  U learn the value of longeivity in a relationship

                      *  U learn that all that glitters is not gold 

                      *  U learn the difference between expectations and practical possibilities

                                                                       We are not autoprogrammed robots to do things as they are meant to be--its better to love sumone tht bit more than to be in a world which has just u --noone is flawless --there is one old saying 

                   " Forgive urself for anynumber of mistakes u make 

                      But never forgive urself for the same mistake u repeat "

                               Expect urself to be just that nothing more

                                                                       When my friend spoke abt his break up --i wanted to say this -- possesiveness is not a mistake --it might be a painful experience when u feel bitter after a break up with ur loved ones --but its a lesson to resurrect urself when life gives u another opportuniy --Enjoy loving sumone to the core --it might eventually turn out to be a mistake u wished u had corrected earlier but without trial and errors life is as boring as it gets .Signing off from a exclusive quote yrs back  from a frd who is sumwhere in this wide world but remem his words he shared with me long time back about feeling helplessly possessive abt sumone  he loved then --

              "I know im possessive with u but i will never tell u that because this feels magical till 

               it lasts --this might be short or long but that this is magical is undeniable "

            --Always find a positive in every worst feeling ,,bcoz if it cant get  any worse it only means it will get better!!!

Cheers

C Ya soon

                                                                     

Rain --Why does thou look so beautiful every time i see you !!!

         Two nights changed my life and those two nights had one common factor ---"Rain"

             

One cold night in Nov 2002;

          "Decision is yours --We have done our bit --Now----the doctor failed to complete the sentence as he said those words to my family waiting not to hear what he never completed "--My Mom's noble life was drawing to a very premature end --the flashes of thunder on the windows hit on our emotionless faces --finally deciding that mom deserves a fitting farewell we decided to shift her to her favourite place-my home --320 kms apart from chennai to trichy -the travel began --the thunders gave way to relentless rain --i stood outside waiting for the vehicle --For the first time the rain that used to scare me -did not scare me --i was drenched yet i was feeling better --because i knew i would have frozen if not for the rain --i felt like it accompanied me to make me feel bit more comfortable -"it was like rain was wiping my endless tears in the most unfortunate moment of my life till then -It felt  like i needed it --i had it ",

        Till then rain was something i always preferred to just hear from closed doors ,,heavy rains scared me --i did not feel alrite to be in that company because it did not seem a great invitation from nature to join rain whenever it visited ,But as life rolled on --perspectives change expectedly but my admiration to rain changed completely from being ignoring to wishing 

     

Another beautiful night that changed my notion 

                Walking with couple of  friends in the midst of a  heavy rain --one of my frds was giggling no ends in the rain --while i was fuming inside --i was not comfortable at all--"why the hell are u enjoying getting wet --i mean getting drenched is so funny or what --my dresses --everything are ruined ".

She replied "Hmm cool dear --u see it that way --i see this rain slightly differently 

                 "Rain is so beautiful -This is one moment when i feel as the " Irresistable Queen "

                   I might mean noone to anyone but to God  this moment "Im the little girl he wants a   photograph -- So wait a minute shanmu  let me pose--I wanna look like a queen alrite  "

             I was not stunned by tht comment but rather at how for a change rain can be looked into --rather than cursing it all the time ---i said to myself "Hey wait a min --Why not enjoy the company of rain --it might at end of the day be something wonderful!!

                                         I was getting wet  but felt different --rain did not make me uncomfortable after that ,,i had some amazing moments in rain --Once I  cut a birthday cake amidst a breezy ,beautiful  with that same "Rain Friend "--for sumone who rarely had cakes or gifts that was probably one of the most wonderful moments in my life -i felt special-i felt the world was the stage for my birthday --it felt like a dream with every rain drop seemingly like flowers from heaven -possibly because i was with the one person who i admired endlessly "

            "Its raining so heavily as im writing now --I dont have that rain friend or anyone at all now but i seem to forget that all now when i felt the first of few drops reaching ground from up above --my heart jumped out --my mind forgot my troubles -my whole body cycled to the beauty of this magic --this moment that keeps visiting me every now and then in my life --i want to enjoy this luvely smell ,,this luvely breeze ,,and that feeling that "when the raindrops feel like flowers from heaven making u feel refreshed forgettin everythin and enjoyin that moment alone "

            I sign off with one quote i remember when my mom first explained  about rain 

                "Rain is a wonderful gift from nature  to u --it comes to earth to make us happy--   Dont be scared -This will be with u for ur whole life --it comes with tht promise "

                         Words of wisdom takes time to get into ur heart --i still remember the fresh daisy look on my moms face when she uttered those words --the rain drops on her beautiful hair even now seems like decorated flowers from heaven from where now  she must be smiling that im enjoying what she wanted then 

 Signing off seeing happily the same wunderful rain that scared me long before --now its amazing !!!!

Cheers !!!