"Tommorow Is No promise --It Is A Belief"

                                     "Tommorow is no promise --it is a belief "

                          Actually the truth or matter of fact in todays world with the amount of ways to express love ,,with the ever increasing social networks ,electronic gadgets ,,being in touch every minute  has become a distinct possibility -- reasons that eventually lead to lot of break ups -misunderstandings ---communication gap in frdships and relationships --the aftermath of such a occurence is the one which shapes u into a person for greater things in life --You fall or rise exactly after these moments 
                           Getting hurt is a painful experience no one wishes to have --but it is a way to test your inner strength --i have seen people broken absolutely to pieces after just one incident and have seen acceptedly lot few ppl who took it as a challenge to write their own destiny by sheer guts and determination ,,that is sumthing not taught by anyone --it is in u ---just as noone teaches u to love these things need not be taught --"The fire has to burn in you --full stop ".
                            Its hard to comprehend what goes through sumones mind --but i can do that to me --just few years back --i had a sister like relationship with a girl who mesmerised me with her undbinding love--to a stage where i could not imagine a world without her as sister --Seperated by a year --the relationship was perfect epitome of the word"Platonic relationship"--but eventually it all ended in few moments that  i was absolutely shell shocked  not knowing what to do --i fought with her desperately --i felt i had lost part of me --i was speechless sumtimes to accept the reality that its over --but sumhow with help from couple of my online friends i got the feeling that "If its over it aint over for  my life"--I saw that "In life it is inevitable that people who are not meant to stay in your life  will never stay "
                           "Sorry"--the final words i still remember so vivdly that made me feel bad and strong at same time --bad that i had lost sumone who loved me so much --strong that imwas gona find what im made of  after all this .
                           It took me almost a year to come out my self imposed exile --to defeat my demons was probably the biggest challenge i had yet faced --yet it never perturbed me to the fact that i had to run desperately to that same person to quell  that challenge --that was my moral victory over sumthing that almost drove me mad --life doesnt teach u this part -it gives u such situations to see what u can do with it --"Whether u see it as a opportunity to make urself a  stronger ,better person or Whether u r just as brittle as anything else in this world which can break at the earliest point of time possible  --there in lies  the millimeter difference in becoming what u want and letting sumone to destroy what u can "
                          I have had subsequent incidents like that but after  that incident i have never felt as bad --life seemed far clear -i got this feeling  that " Im not here to satisfy every one in this world --sum might take me wrong --sum might take me good --the only thing i can do -is try being true to myself --rest is left to god ,,fate and my destiny ,,Sighning off with the quote i wrote after ending (hope temporarily)of one of my supposedly best friends ,pal and brother .
                    " With what u wrote Im hurt --Im broken but despite whatever i know i will move on  for my destiny is not written by you to be ruined when u want --I will soldier on --a little more unsure -- but thats fine "

                        " Never feel bad for sumthing/sumone  u tried ur everything---Let it go --if it is meant for u --u will get it back --if u dont then u were never meant too"

                                

A Tale Of Two Nights !!!

Copied and posted in dedication to one of my close frds whose arranged marriage was destroyed on the last minute by few silly,silly  incidents !!

                               After persuasion  to write what he felt in two nights he felt his life was altered slightly --my frd a pretty average writer felt it was fine --and i thought it would be apt to just copy it and post it in my blog ,,because it was that real to me !!

   One night -
"  For once i was living in a dream sumone was dreaming -it was out of the world feeling
       My truth was sumones rule book for a change --i never found a reason to wake up
       The stars in the night light were like witnesses to this beautiful dream i was living
        Sumbody gave my heart's rights to skate around --it did so merrily
        The next dawn seemed the most beautliful scene i could imagine
         Sumbody's voice seemed like the magical trap i fell wantedly
          I was wanted desperately by sumone --even time stopped moving
          Sumone was madly in love with me - giving me no reason to deny
          For first time i realised true love doesnt need yrs,months ,days ,just HOURS
          I knew it was hard to believe but when u r being loved truly who can
          Sumbody was refusing to forget me for a minute - I was crazily happy
          "Im all urs for life "-she said -i was seeing myself in mirror and smiled endlessly
            It was roses everywhere --my life was a garden that night-i was in heaven ,,,,


     The following night ,,,
          "Im now wide awake --my eyes refuse to close even --where will i dream now ?
            Sumone's lies have won over my truths --I have another reason to cry
            The stars in the night light were like mocking me at my reality without you
         My heart was screeched to halt by a unknown force -it was yearning  not to be so
             The next dawn seemed the toughest morning i could ever have faced
              I was searching for that "Sumbody's voice" to fall into that trap forever
            I was avoided shockingly despite being loved truly -every minute seemed like yrs
             Yes true love needed just hours but to forget that love it surely will take years
               I did not know that u can be forgotten easily despite loving sumone truly
            Sumbody was trying to forget me for life despite loving me  --i was crazily shocked
              "I was never meant to be urs "-her silence seemed to say to me
                I was seeing myself in the mirror --tears flowed endlessly
              It seemed thorns everywhere --my life was again a deserted forest once again
                                                                                  ----i was in hell again !!\

          Possibly the truth of these words  was understood when i saw through the persons moist eyes ---he had felt true love in one night and rudely broken by the girls dad for reasons  best known to him,,despite knowing the girl loved the guy and the guy was pretty decent guy perfectly acceptable for her love --but the startling flip sides of a arranged marriage stood right in front of my eyes when he was describing the facts with utmost pain ---i felt for a moment its better to choose ur destination than to wait for sumone to show u that--i was left  with no words to console a troubled soul than wishing that god hears the unheard tears of his heart and of his girl who loved him truly and magically --time might have been short but the way he wrote this and gave to me without a thought showed how true it was (note the synchronisation of words in both paras --exactly depicting the torture he went through by cruel fate )
            All i can say is if u know sumone is loving u truly --never ignore it -because sumwhere sumone is watching --oops forgot finishing with the last lines he wrote in his piece of paper
             " That one night my heart skated unbounded and happy  --a  testament to ur true love
                 Im priveleged to be the reason of that -noone can take that away from me "

                        Without u im struggling this night but i know tomm is new day !!
       
                   
                    

Possessiveness Is Just The Outcome Of Love --Definitely Aint A Crime !!!!

     Dedicated to my friend whose untold love was shattered to pieces by one word "Possessiveness"

           

  "Its time we take a step back because we have got too close to each other 

             With u this close i cant see where im standing even "

                                                                          --A inspirational friend long time back--Probably the first time i realised what is the meaning of this word "possessive"--Recently i happened to witness a heartbreaking break up of lost untold love of a very good writing friend of mine-whose love i noticed the first time i interacted with him ,so madly was he in love that when  it all ended in unbearable pain the truth and pain  was obvious even for me that it had hurt him pretty badly -a few instances in life came up in mind when analysing the incident with the friend 

                                                                            What is actually being possessive ---The time when your"Excess love on one person leads to sole focus on that person --thoughts ,wishes,dreams ,time ,everything points in cohesion with just one person --when ur happy moments and sad moments wait for exact reaction you expect from that person --u r invariably bound to become possesive of that person --everything is fine till the other person feels things the exact way beyond a certain period of time ,the moment the other person starts to feel differently --things take up a  bad turn leaving plenty of pain --there in lies the secret of logeivity of any relationship 

                                                                            There was once this  unforgettable girl in my life whom i felt as  a real sister --without whom for a certain period of time the world seemed a impossible place to live--my heart jumped in joy the first moment i interacted with  her ---mutual calls --mutual excitement --mutual feelings matching called for spending more time together--more sms -more gift exchanges -card exchanges on birthday time -it was supposedly one of the highlights of my life until reality set in -possesiveness set in and  our relationship became a strained one eventually ending prematuredly and lot painfully -We hardly realise during such times that things happening too fast for them to last forever --eventually everything that was mutual becomes monotomous --with one of the two parties feeling the strain to live upto the others expectation -slowly spacing out from other becomes the only possibility to extend the relationship-and eventually breaking up  ,,however hard it may seem ---it is a truth hard to accept but not impossible to deny .

                                                                           Possessiveness gives u hell a lot of tears ,,hell a lot of pain after the eventual absence of that person u loved more than anyone(saying from personal experince too --it seemed a awful time for a short period of time )--but despite all the negative aspects it brings --it has hell a lot of positive things

                      *  U learn how strong u r as a person

                      *  U learn the value of longeivity in a relationship

                      *  U learn that all that glitters is not gold 

                      *  U learn the difference between expectations and practical possibilities

                                                                       We are not autoprogrammed robots to do things as they are meant to be--its better to love sumone tht bit more than to be in a world which has just u --noone is flawless --there is one old saying 

                   " Forgive urself for anynumber of mistakes u make 

                      But never forgive urself for the same mistake u repeat "

                               Expect urself to be just that nothing more

                                                                       When my friend spoke abt his break up --i wanted to say this -- possesiveness is not a mistake --it might be a painful experience when u feel bitter after a break up with ur loved ones --but its a lesson to resurrect urself when life gives u another opportuniy --Enjoy loving sumone to the core --it might eventually turn out to be a mistake u wished u had corrected earlier but without trial and errors life is as boring as it gets .Signing off from a exclusive quote yrs back  from a frd who is sumwhere in this wide world but remem his words he shared with me long time back about feeling helplessly possessive abt sumone  he loved then --

              "I know im possessive with u but i will never tell u that because this feels magical till 

               it lasts --this might be short or long but that this is magical is undeniable "

            --Always find a positive in every worst feeling ,,bcoz if it cant get  any worse it only means it will get better!!!

Cheers

C Ya soon

                                                                     

Rain --Why does thou look so beautiful every time i see you !!!

         Two nights changed my life and those two nights had one common factor ---"Rain"

             

One cold night in Nov 2002;

          "Decision is yours --We have done our bit --Now----the doctor failed to complete the sentence as he said those words to my family waiting not to hear what he never completed "--My Mom's noble life was drawing to a very premature end --the flashes of thunder on the windows hit on our emotionless faces --finally deciding that mom deserves a fitting farewell we decided to shift her to her favourite place-my home --320 kms apart from chennai to trichy -the travel began --the thunders gave way to relentless rain --i stood outside waiting for the vehicle --For the first time the rain that used to scare me -did not scare me --i was drenched yet i was feeling better --because i knew i would have frozen if not for the rain --i felt like it accompanied me to make me feel bit more comfortable -"it was like rain was wiping my endless tears in the most unfortunate moment of my life till then -It felt  like i needed it --i had it ",

        Till then rain was something i always preferred to just hear from closed doors ,,heavy rains scared me --i did not feel alrite to be in that company because it did not seem a great invitation from nature to join rain whenever it visited ,But as life rolled on --perspectives change expectedly but my admiration to rain changed completely from being ignoring to wishing 

     

Another beautiful night that changed my notion 

                Walking with couple of  friends in the midst of a  heavy rain --one of my frds was giggling no ends in the rain --while i was fuming inside --i was not comfortable at all--"why the hell are u enjoying getting wet --i mean getting drenched is so funny or what --my dresses --everything are ruined ".

She replied "Hmm cool dear --u see it that way --i see this rain slightly differently 

                 "Rain is so beautiful -This is one moment when i feel as the " Irresistable Queen "

                   I might mean noone to anyone but to God  this moment "Im the little girl he wants a   photograph -- So wait a minute shanmu  let me pose--I wanna look like a queen alrite  "

             I was not stunned by tht comment but rather at how for a change rain can be looked into --rather than cursing it all the time ---i said to myself "Hey wait a min --Why not enjoy the company of rain --it might at end of the day be something wonderful!!

                                         I was getting wet  but felt different --rain did not make me uncomfortable after that ,,i had some amazing moments in rain --Once I  cut a birthday cake amidst a breezy ,beautiful  with that same "Rain Friend "--for sumone who rarely had cakes or gifts that was probably one of the most wonderful moments in my life -i felt special-i felt the world was the stage for my birthday --it felt like a dream with every rain drop seemingly like flowers from heaven -possibly because i was with the one person who i admired endlessly "

            "Its raining so heavily as im writing now --I dont have that rain friend or anyone at all now but i seem to forget that all now when i felt the first of few drops reaching ground from up above --my heart jumped out --my mind forgot my troubles -my whole body cycled to the beauty of this magic --this moment that keeps visiting me every now and then in my life --i want to enjoy this luvely smell ,,this luvely breeze ,,and that feeling that "when the raindrops feel like flowers from heaven making u feel refreshed forgettin everythin and enjoyin that moment alone "

            I sign off with one quote i remember when my mom first explained  about rain 

                "Rain is a wonderful gift from nature  to u --it comes to earth to make us happy--   Dont be scared -This will be with u for ur whole life --it comes with tht promise "

                         Words of wisdom takes time to get into ur heart --i still remember the fresh daisy look on my moms face when she uttered those words --the rain drops on her beautiful hair even now seems like decorated flowers from heaven from where now  she must be smiling that im enjoying what she wanted then 

 Signing off seeing happily the same wunderful rain that scared me long before --now its amazing !!!!

Cheers !!!

                                           

                                          

To All The Awesome Dads Of The World -Happy Fathers Day !!!!

"To my dad who showed me the way to live ,the path to reach my dreams ,still remains the inspiration who i dont want to disgrace by any means for all that sincerity,honesty,love and dedication shown for betterment of his family in his life-of course like all the dads in this world  "

           

           Dear Dad ,

           In my yrs of -0-10

          You were the first hero i knew in life

           You were the "first star" whose style i tried to copy

           You were the beginning of the purpose of my life

           You were the king i tried to imitate everyday in my mirror

           You were my first companion to this beautiful place called "world "

           You were the first to give a gift in my life--"a priceless green elephant doll"

           You were the most handsomest man i compared anyone with

           You were the best man in whole world

           In my yrs from 10-20

           You started to look like one of the best men in world

           Your questions started to look like reasons for my anger

           Your goals started to seem too high a mountain sumtimes

           Your advices seemed like unwanted nuisance for my freewheeling mind

           You gave extra time to shape my future when i wanted extra time to fly

           high in a unknown horizon

           You found acceptance as only option to my stubborness

           You never flinched among the storm  fate contrived for u yet u seemed to have forgotten my

           silly wishes &never ending wants

           You saw the uneasiness in my life yet remained rudely  calm

           You seemed too protective sumtimes -while ma age demanded space

           Yet u stayed same despite everythin

           You seemed a bit of villain suddenly from that hero i knew !

           From Yrs 20-30

            Suddenly A Storm brew in my life wrecking almost everythin ---almost because

           You were standing covering me foreseeing the storm

           Waited for it to pass and saw my wings and taught me to fly in life

           That great angel-My Mom's  demise almost left me in tatters

           Almost because again u were there to see i was not lost

           When i was lost for direction you showed the path again

           When i was looking for inspiration --u became one

           You became once again that "hero "i saw in my tender years

           You stood far away ,,gave me space ,,watched me fly ,,yet

           remained protective as before -watching every move keenly

           You became   one of  the reasons for rediscovering myself

           You became the living example of fighting fate with heart

          From yrs 30-????

           It has just started the long journey hopefully to acccompany your

          glorious twilight-seeing  every step is a priveleage dad  !

          To know more about the man who will always be the hero who i

          would never want to disgrace for my endless wishes !

          Yes i want to have all i like--sumone i like --things the way i like

          want to live in another place where there is no tortures!

          Yet i want to do what almost every son and daughter wants to do

          in this world --"Make their dad proud despite everythin-My

         wishes are for sumother day -sumother time -period!!!!

                                                          

         "The journey may end anywhere --but it has been a magnificent dream -to watch a master at work --a master refusing to accept fate's games --a hero who seemed like a villain then eventually showed that hes a Superhero !-A king all the way -If i was granted some wishes one of them would be to try to be like a dad like u someday (i know to create that magic u need a woman as beautiful as my mom but yet its just a wish if granted ,,lol),,,

              So my king-my first hero --my evergreen iron man --To My dad --and  to the millions of awesome dads of the world ----HAPPY FATHERS DAY !!!

                                                         

                                                  

                                         

Me and Mom -the journey continues,,,,,,,Luv U Mom!!!!

Me and u Momma --the monumentally incomparable humble  human being i ever knew!!!

 She knew abt me  before i understood  myself -thats y moms are magical
               I cry though my smiles ,,
               i speak through my silence ,,
               I love through  my untold words
               I hide my truths in my lies
               I saw the lies in supposed truths of some flawless ppl i knew
               I love more by tryin to hate anyone
               I remember everyone i tried to forget
               I feel guilty for trying to look guilty free
               I forgot my dreams to remember other's wishes
               I act as if age has masked my mom's absence
               I try to say i never loved anyone but ,,,,
               I know why noone can be  selfless for a whole life
              But i dont know why i cant be damn selfish
              I told that special girl of my life  "i dont love u"when i could
              see my unborn children in  her eyes"-the biggest lie of my life
               I wanna cry one time in ur lap momma -just one time i promise
               U knew everything --u still know everythin
               Im smiling even now because i knw only u can feel the
                 wetness of my tears in my smile ,,
               Everything else might be a known mistake or a unknown
                flaw but that u were there and still being around is
                what im banking my hopes on to change them!!!
                                     -----Momma love u for noone knew me like u !!

My Thoughts About The Word "Courage"!!!

" I know my end --i know my duties is unfinished --i know im letting u down --but just know this mom will give everything she has to stay one extra minute to see her children smile one last time --with tears but without a blink "
                                                           ---First time i saw courage beyond words from my mom who was facing death --Courage in real flesh and blood ---ready to defy death that extra minute and that too "without blink of that eye even with tears"--maybe she became extra special even in her final few months .fate may have been cruel not recognising that courage but i did --it became a base for my whole life.
                Till that time i saw courage as sumthin exhibited in battlefields ,,with swords ,guns ,,all effect of novels and films until life showed me what was courage ,i have been blessed to see some other instances of courage ,the one where the heart stands before anything else in the world

               Everyone of us have been  courageous in one way or other --the only thing is we hardly realise that because of the concept we all have  that courage is a fearless exhibition of character --it actually is the mastery of our fears ,,Im pretty much sure each one of us more than once would  have shown our frustration on our bathroom mirrors --yet when we come out of that to face this whole world --we show nothing to the world --hide our frustrations to make so many ppl around us to feel better--We to hide our feelings to make ppl around us feel better-.Now tht is courage !!!
               Sumtimes we dont like the job we are doing --we do it every day for our family --sumtimes we dont get our love --yet sacrifice our feelings to live a life that makes everyone except u happy -burying our dreams --our passion for sumthing else in life just because u r persuaded into by the world --every one of us who do that are truly warriors --courageous warriors --because when we are alone --when we are travelling alone --trying to sleep till early hours in the mornings trying so desperately to avoid ourselves be engulfed by our fears-we fight a battle that is unseen --"ITS LIKE YOU STANDING ALONE  AGAINST  ALL UR FEARS --AND EVERY DAWN  U WAKE UP--U KNOW ITS  ONLY AFTER DEFEATING THEM EVERY NIGHT  -THAT IS ULTIMATE COURAGE GOING UNNOTICED IN THIS FAST PACED WORLD "
             Next time someone says u r not brave enough to face life --just laugh at them --u know better--ur mirrors know u better than them --period !!

           "Courage is not about how much u show off--its about how u hide ur fears and face this world  every day despite every setback --tht  fact is remarkably unnoticed yet undeniable "
               
           "My world changed after momentous  show of courage from my mom --if u cant find any examples in real life --go see ur mirror -there will be always a example everytime u see urself  :):):)"

C Ya soon
                  

             
             

If only ,,,,,

                          "Im not searching my happiness dad --im just acting as if i forgot how to feel it just to make u ,this society and surroundings to be happy "- Recently heard from a close frd who i heard saying this to his dad ,,Felt the real pain behind those words
                                                This may not be the ultimate feel good blog --but somethin that is bothering,,hindering and stopping people to enjoy life for a small factor of self pride and ignorance of acknowledgin what u need is to see ur loved ones real smile .
                                                 The other day i had gone to a unfortunate demise of a known frd who passed away in a moment of haste inflicting injuries to himself  --he was about 35 yrs old--a sincere hard working guy --a perfect example of middle class man -but more than that a perfect example of how a individual is constrained by endless strings pulled by family members and society while all he wished was  a little bit of  freedom - a little  bit of acceptance .
                                                Ashok(Name changed )-my friend had the perfect family to enjoy--a dad who worked 35 years in a govt job --a mom who was a bank official --two sisters --he was not a close frd of mine but sumone who enjoyed love,care and affection from his lovely family --a above average student --he had failures running havoc over his life--after struggles to realise his dreams he compromised and joined in a concern for a average salary --his family accepted him for starting to work forgetting his dreams,,his wish was always to be a well known journalist --but financial condition stopped him --his family --his relations all saw him as the perfect guy and praised him endlessly --his dad ,mom were happy -but little did they realise he did not have a bit of happiness
                                              Then sumthing happened that happens to most of us --"He fell in love "--in love with a girl working along with him--then his life turned upside down --his dad ditched him out of his house,,his mother stopped talkin to him unless he takes back his decision on tht girl(as all mothers rendered helpless by society ,family ,husband not entirely with their heart ),,love doesnt come after ticking off all the boxes a family requires --she was from different caste,culture ,status ,,everything--the guy a harcore tea totaller ,,a amazing guy who withstood all stresses to not be otherwise till his last .

              I wondered IF ONLY
                                         * His dad had realised how his son had made sacrifices to make him happy ,,put his dads pride above his all his life --
                                         * His mom had realised that for a son noone is above a mom ---from the moment he is born in this world --he admires her like none --he waits for her to read his mind because only she knows he stutters for words when his heart is hurt ,,sumehow a mom remains handcuffed by loyalty to husband and society
                                         * His sisters realise how much their brother cares for them to have a settled life --they *wait till them get married ,,settle in their married life --all along the guys life is still uncertain,unsettled --not to be blamed ultimately their wishes and voices go unnoticed due to stupid orthodox reasons being followed for generations
                                        *  His friends could sit with him  at moments of desperate despair and help him find a solution rather than allowing him to get himself destroyed by his own confusions and indecisions and fear ,,,again the society role in making them helpless after certain point restricting entry into family circle citing a age old saying "how does a frd come into a family decsion"
                                       *  His relations,,his society --praising him for sumthin he did not want and dumping  him to the ditches not realising he was is at the end of day the same guy who they saw as a perfect family guy .sumtime back

                                         Now he is gone --i just wondered whether there will be any change at all to the society which ultimateltly was a main reason of his demise--why does a dad,a mom ,family,,relation ,society dump a good soul for falling in love--it is beyond me to understand --how not one person could talk,,understand and do sumthing about his happiness ,,a life went just like that -his dreams unfulfilled --excruciatingly what hurt was people remembered him for supposedly big "Crime"--Loving a girl against wishes of a family and society and not for anything else.

                                    Will this ever change --Will there ever be  anything done to stop so many lives cut short by inability to withstand loss of happiness for prolonged period beyong imagination?
                                      Will there ever be a case of all this relations,family ,society leaving us by saying"this is one life --be happy in the way u wish "i doubt  whether i will ever see that sort of change in my lifetime --the relations,society ,family pride contributes to people seeing a guy or girl as a villain for falling in love .will they ever realise that the time before casting them as villain he or she has made sacrifices beyond their wishes -- sadly it  never happens
                                    Finally wishing i never go to another sad occasion to witness a life being plucked by fate so early just because there was so many ppl who could have stopped fate from interfeering this early
           "Quoting a exact line from my evergreen queen who had a aversion on her dad ,family and relations and preferred to live a happy selfish loner as the world labelled her till her last

         *** Why do u hate this society,ur relations ,,ur family ?
                   "Well when they knew me of my love --they saw me as a harmful knife who could damage their pride --i accepted that and became the knife they saw to protect my happiness from  being destroyed by them --My love -My happiness -My world -Period "

               Not all are blessed to be that bold --many  of us are afraid that we may hurt our closed ones unknowingly  --hope our closed ones understand us and let us have our happiness sumtimes at the cost of their pride -if only it happens this world will be the most beautiful place to live rather than a place where people witness sad incidents more often than not , ,,
                  All i can wish is never say never !!

"Stop Complaining - Start Fighting- Message From Our Real Time Heroes -Awe inspiring Stuff !!! !!!!

    "Tribute to grit shown by people like Nick Vijucic ,Alex Zanardi ,and Parry West to name a few of real time heroes who show that u can enjoy ur life ,,live ur passion,,enjoy ur dreams if u never give up ,we remember them for their grit not their deficiencies -hats off to people like them -for me heroes to be cherished always "

 

                "Never ever pity in front of someone for what they appear lacking  outside --they have the same beautiful heart as you have inside them"

                                                        Many years ago sitting in a park waiting for a ice cream i saw a handicapped person who could not walk properly selling towels in the crowd ,,the moment i saw the person i felt a tinge of sadness --i went with a person who was like my uncle and family frd --i had not a single paise tht time but the moment he approached us i said to him "Arrey Uncle i feel so sad for u --how u r able to walk with this one leg not right "-of course innocently but he got angry and said "mind your business --im not begging to u "--i felt bad -it is almost 15 yrs back --i still remember those stinging words -i never understood then why it all went so bad when i had no bad intention.

                                             As life goes you learn about your mistakes innocent ones --gradually learnt that what counts is how good you are inside at the end of the day --no matter how perfect or imperfec you seem outside ,,few years later  while i was strolling around a temple with my family  i saw a young girl handicapped by polio selling flowers --i saw again the same scene i saw some yrs back --people pitying her for she looked until a elderly lady walked towards her with a smile --took some rupees bought some flowers smiled and left ---i noticed seeing the young girl --she was smiling --the elderly lady left with a smile and that girl had that smile in her face ---it was a silent explanation to a long puzzlin question --What should i do the next time i see sumone lacking outside ?Wont they get hurt if sumone ignores their deficiency  knowingly?--these were questions i had at back of my mind always --i got a idea of what it really is .

                                           I have always been inspired by real life heroes --people who struggled like hell to overcome there shortcomings in real life with grit ,,there are  couple of  unforgettable   name i get in my mind --one of the major reasons i changed that "pity feeling thought " for people with physical deficiency  he is 

      NICK VUJICIC .

                   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjbX6mDnMwM

                                                                              (One of my favourite videos -seen it a hundred times )

                               Never mind how many times i see this heroes video i get inspired everytime --a guy who is affected by a special disorder called "tetra amelia syndrome " ,with no arms and no legs but what a fighting heart he has --mind blowing --i saw this guys video some years before -- the first time i saw this video i felt "this is another real time inspiration in my life"i have seen his video few times when  i felt down and every time i felt  it awe inspiring --how much maturity and how much grit this guy has shown to a life that has been unfair to him from the moment he was born -i cant imagine myself him for a second yet hes he for the whole of his life and he is inspiring people --hes a renowned preacher --a example for utmost grit overcomin severe physical deficiencies ,,One word to this guy who isnpires me a million times -Amazng ---"Its a lie to think you are not good enuf "--"Its a lie to think you are not worth anything "---yes sir u said it ---and everytime i see your video i  feel  inspired -you have been one marvellous example of how even god is imperfect 

                   

  ALEX ZANARDI,

                              A former cart champion who waas in midst of one of the most horrendous crashes in history of racing when his whole car went to pieces in a crash with him inside--he had both his legs amputed and yet made a remarkable comeback to sports later with his never say die spirit 

   BARRY WEST ;

                             Barry West met with a horrific accident at 19,,he lost his arms and legs in the crash ,,yet he learnt to fight his life --he wanted to live his dreams --nothing stopped him --he went for mountaineering ,,scuba diving ,paragliding,skiing ,,he is one of the familiar names who fought severe deficiencies with sheer grit ,,another case of what matters is whats inside and not what sumone looks outside .          

                            

                                  These are some of the examples that come to my mind immediately ,,but there are so many of them ,,yet all of them convey one single stuff loud and clear ,,theya re not one to be pitied always . Yes the next time you see sumone lacking outside ,i hate to even categorize them with some seperate name --they are just a different us --because god doesnt create every human being in same way --they still have unique talents --they have hearts that generally have more grit than a normal person,they dont need our pitiful words  and looks --they dont need our sudden change of expression just because they look different ,,it took me long to put myself in their shoes and imagine what it is like to go through what they do ---the smile in that girls face --the act by that elderly woman stayed for a long time after that incident and then there was one Nick Vijucic --Life is cruel --very cruel sumtimes --for no fault of urs ---but if u learn to stop complaining --u invariably would have started fighting against all odds ,,there are few real time heroes who let us know the truth ,,hereby saluting those real time heroes  and who have been nothin short of awe inspirin --Indeed they all tell us one thing --"Stop Complaining --Start Fighting" !!!!!

                     

 

                                          

Loneliness Teaches U Lot More Than Just Pain !!!

                       (Written in no pessimistic feeling for being so lonely in my life at this point of my life  rather feeling optimistic that loneliness has shown me truths i never saw before)

          

             "Will you never leave me for gods sake " i asked one of my friends many years ago rudely ---She replied smilingly "Why should I - I dont want to be alone in this world again  --already have spent 20 yrs goin through it --u have no idea what is to be in tht space -- All u have in that space is Scary Silence  !! "

                              Not until last few years did i realise the magnamity of those words - but i realised lot more than that --"Loneliness is sumthing noone wishes for -it is a unwanted guest --(undeniable ,unacceptable ,painful --yes --but more than everythin it is hell a lot worth than all that )-"but when it comes it comes as a waterfall with full force --the only thing you could do is getting wet and believing you will not get washed away when it is done ".

                              The skies seems endless--the nights after work seem colder with every minute-the search for food become so tiring that u wished u were never hungry --the walks alone wishing for more than the fresh air for company --to scale out the borders of life at this juncture is probably the hardest --but sumwhere the more u live with it you learn more about life,people and yourself .Might seem absolutely stupid but that is a truth,,the time before i was pushed to these boundaries it seemed i was not spared a minute as i was swamped by my relatives,friends and neighbours ,,,it was a pleasant headache to have ---but once years started rolling by -people started getting stuck in their own stuff and slowly life seemed too barren and i seemed to have plenty of time for myself as hours seemed like days suddenly .

                             Frustrations begin to setin --irritated by not having people at the right time at the right hour felt like injustice --ran out of patience --after few breakups and few hiccups --i started realising ---"tht i have no idea what the purpose of the other persons life is all about" --to expect is human --to hope is of love--to wish is of trust ---but when that person is not able to be near you it is sheerly out of inability of contriving situations to bend according to our needs and not selfishness as i foresaw--i met a frd after 1 long yr after mistakin her for leaving abruptly without intimating anything despite being a close frd of mine --when i sat reluctantly to hear her side i did not expect her to have had that horrible torrid time during the same time --a torrid marriage gone wrong --a miscarriage ---hell a lot had happened and i knew nothing--suddenly i felt the other way around of me not being there for her --life seemed lot more mystical .

                           On my own i started believing it is a better way to know about the people in ur life --probably by being at a distance u understand the value of every person in ur lives--u get ur basics right about the people --at some point by living with loneliness u slowly start to realise more about urself -what to do and what not --pains will remain ,,scars will be there but when u have no option than to accept fate--u begin to unravel simple truths u missed during happy times --simple facts about people u love --ur forgotten passion--so many little things makeup for scary unwanted silence !!

                         " Tommorow  might hold nothing good - this  silence might be still prolonging --pain might be endless--but the fact is on the other positive side --its better to be not too close --u will be sure when sumone isnt in ur life in ur most desperate moment --u might very well be doing the same --its not a case of them being selfish but just pushed helpless by nature .

                      I just remember the quote with the one person i admire a lot for her guts and most probably the rudest girl i have come across my life but still was a special special frd for her absolute frankness in everything she did  ,,the last words she told me before she left far away to find happiness --I said to her while bidding farewell ---" See u r goin to feel lonely that you are goin away from me too" --she replied  "Being lonely is  not a sin --yes it will pain endlessly but i will adapt--my mind is clear --my path is visible --there is a life to live --lonely or not --i will go on for i know my time is not up ,,,yet "

                                                       --My inspiration  to fight loneliness is her --She lives just 5 hrs from my place --yet i have not seen her for few yrs now we were once close buddies  --i know there is a life to live ---with or without anyone ---I Will !!!