My Thoughts About The Word "Courage"!!!

" I know my end --i know my duties is unfinished --i know im letting u down --but just know this mom will give everything she has to stay one extra minute to see her children smile one last time --with tears but without a blink "
                                                           ---First time i saw courage beyond words from my mom who was facing death --Courage in real flesh and blood ---ready to defy death that extra minute and that too "without blink of that eye even with tears"--maybe she became extra special even in her final few months .fate may have been cruel not recognising that courage but i did --it became a base for my whole life.
                Till that time i saw courage as sumthin exhibited in battlefields ,,with swords ,guns ,,all effect of novels and films until life showed me what was courage ,i have been blessed to see some other instances of courage ,the one where the heart stands before anything else in the world

               Everyone of us have been  courageous in one way or other --the only thing is we hardly realise that because of the concept we all have  that courage is a fearless exhibition of character --it actually is the mastery of our fears ,,Im pretty much sure each one of us more than once would  have shown our frustration on our bathroom mirrors --yet when we come out of that to face this whole world --we show nothing to the world --hide our frustrations to make so many ppl around us to feel better--We to hide our feelings to make ppl around us feel better-.Now tht is courage !!!
               Sumtimes we dont like the job we are doing --we do it every day for our family --sumtimes we dont get our love --yet sacrifice our feelings to live a life that makes everyone except u happy -burying our dreams --our passion for sumthing else in life just because u r persuaded into by the world --every one of us who do that are truly warriors --courageous warriors --because when we are alone --when we are travelling alone --trying to sleep till early hours in the mornings trying so desperately to avoid ourselves be engulfed by our fears-we fight a battle that is unseen --"ITS LIKE YOU STANDING ALONE  AGAINST  ALL UR FEARS --AND EVERY DAWN  U WAKE UP--U KNOW ITS  ONLY AFTER DEFEATING THEM EVERY NIGHT  -THAT IS ULTIMATE COURAGE GOING UNNOTICED IN THIS FAST PACED WORLD "
             Next time someone says u r not brave enough to face life --just laugh at them --u know better--ur mirrors know u better than them --period !!

           "Courage is not about how much u show off--its about how u hide ur fears and face this world  every day despite every setback --tht  fact is remarkably unnoticed yet undeniable "
               
           "My world changed after momentous  show of courage from my mom --if u cant find any examples in real life --go see ur mirror -there will be always a example everytime u see urself  :):):)"

C Ya soon
                  

             
             

If only ,,,,,

                          "Im not searching my happiness dad --im just acting as if i forgot how to feel it just to make u ,this society and surroundings to be happy "- Recently heard from a close frd who i heard saying this to his dad ,,Felt the real pain behind those words
                                                This may not be the ultimate feel good blog --but somethin that is bothering,,hindering and stopping people to enjoy life for a small factor of self pride and ignorance of acknowledgin what u need is to see ur loved ones real smile .
                                                 The other day i had gone to a unfortunate demise of a known frd who passed away in a moment of haste inflicting injuries to himself  --he was about 35 yrs old--a sincere hard working guy --a perfect example of middle class man -but more than that a perfect example of how a individual is constrained by endless strings pulled by family members and society while all he wished was  a little bit of  freedom - a little  bit of acceptance .
                                                Ashok(Name changed )-my friend had the perfect family to enjoy--a dad who worked 35 years in a govt job --a mom who was a bank official --two sisters --he was not a close frd of mine but sumone who enjoyed love,care and affection from his lovely family --a above average student --he had failures running havoc over his life--after struggles to realise his dreams he compromised and joined in a concern for a average salary --his family accepted him for starting to work forgetting his dreams,,his wish was always to be a well known journalist --but financial condition stopped him --his family --his relations all saw him as the perfect guy and praised him endlessly --his dad ,mom were happy -but little did they realise he did not have a bit of happiness
                                              Then sumthing happened that happens to most of us --"He fell in love "--in love with a girl working along with him--then his life turned upside down --his dad ditched him out of his house,,his mother stopped talkin to him unless he takes back his decision on tht girl(as all mothers rendered helpless by society ,family ,husband not entirely with their heart ),,love doesnt come after ticking off all the boxes a family requires --she was from different caste,culture ,status ,,everything--the guy a harcore tea totaller ,,a amazing guy who withstood all stresses to not be otherwise till his last .

              I wondered IF ONLY
                                         * His dad had realised how his son had made sacrifices to make him happy ,,put his dads pride above his all his life --
                                         * His mom had realised that for a son noone is above a mom ---from the moment he is born in this world --he admires her like none --he waits for her to read his mind because only she knows he stutters for words when his heart is hurt ,,sumehow a mom remains handcuffed by loyalty to husband and society
                                         * His sisters realise how much their brother cares for them to have a settled life --they *wait till them get married ,,settle in their married life --all along the guys life is still uncertain,unsettled --not to be blamed ultimately their wishes and voices go unnoticed due to stupid orthodox reasons being followed for generations
                                        *  His friends could sit with him  at moments of desperate despair and help him find a solution rather than allowing him to get himself destroyed by his own confusions and indecisions and fear ,,,again the society role in making them helpless after certain point restricting entry into family circle citing a age old saying "how does a frd come into a family decsion"
                                       *  His relations,,his society --praising him for sumthin he did not want and dumping  him to the ditches not realising he was is at the end of day the same guy who they saw as a perfect family guy .sumtime back

                                         Now he is gone --i just wondered whether there will be any change at all to the society which ultimateltly was a main reason of his demise--why does a dad,a mom ,family,,relation ,society dump a good soul for falling in love--it is beyond me to understand --how not one person could talk,,understand and do sumthing about his happiness ,,a life went just like that -his dreams unfulfilled --excruciatingly what hurt was people remembered him for supposedly big "Crime"--Loving a girl against wishes of a family and society and not for anything else.

                                    Will this ever change --Will there ever be  anything done to stop so many lives cut short by inability to withstand loss of happiness for prolonged period beyong imagination?
                                      Will there ever be a case of all this relations,family ,society leaving us by saying"this is one life --be happy in the way u wish "i doubt  whether i will ever see that sort of change in my lifetime --the relations,society ,family pride contributes to people seeing a guy or girl as a villain for falling in love .will they ever realise that the time before casting them as villain he or she has made sacrifices beyond their wishes -- sadly it  never happens
                                    Finally wishing i never go to another sad occasion to witness a life being plucked by fate so early just because there was so many ppl who could have stopped fate from interfeering this early
           "Quoting a exact line from my evergreen queen who had a aversion on her dad ,family and relations and preferred to live a happy selfish loner as the world labelled her till her last

         *** Why do u hate this society,ur relations ,,ur family ?
                   "Well when they knew me of my love --they saw me as a harmful knife who could damage their pride --i accepted that and became the knife they saw to protect my happiness from  being destroyed by them --My love -My happiness -My world -Period "

               Not all are blessed to be that bold --many  of us are afraid that we may hurt our closed ones unknowingly  --hope our closed ones understand us and let us have our happiness sumtimes at the cost of their pride -if only it happens this world will be the most beautiful place to live rather than a place where people witness sad incidents more often than not , ,,
                  All i can wish is never say never !!

"Stop Complaining - Start Fighting- Message From Our Real Time Heroes -Awe inspiring Stuff !!! !!!!

    "Tribute to grit shown by people like Nick Vijucic ,Alex Zanardi ,and Parry West to name a few of real time heroes who show that u can enjoy ur life ,,live ur passion,,enjoy ur dreams if u never give up ,we remember them for their grit not their deficiencies -hats off to people like them -for me heroes to be cherished always "

 

                "Never ever pity in front of someone for what they appear lacking  outside --they have the same beautiful heart as you have inside them"

                                                        Many years ago sitting in a park waiting for a ice cream i saw a handicapped person who could not walk properly selling towels in the crowd ,,the moment i saw the person i felt a tinge of sadness --i went with a person who was like my uncle and family frd --i had not a single paise tht time but the moment he approached us i said to him "Arrey Uncle i feel so sad for u --how u r able to walk with this one leg not right "-of course innocently but he got angry and said "mind your business --im not begging to u "--i felt bad -it is almost 15 yrs back --i still remember those stinging words -i never understood then why it all went so bad when i had no bad intention.

                                             As life goes you learn about your mistakes innocent ones --gradually learnt that what counts is how good you are inside at the end of the day --no matter how perfect or imperfec you seem outside ,,few years later  while i was strolling around a temple with my family  i saw a young girl handicapped by polio selling flowers --i saw again the same scene i saw some yrs back --people pitying her for she looked until a elderly lady walked towards her with a smile --took some rupees bought some flowers smiled and left ---i noticed seeing the young girl --she was smiling --the elderly lady left with a smile and that girl had that smile in her face ---it was a silent explanation to a long puzzlin question --What should i do the next time i see sumone lacking outside ?Wont they get hurt if sumone ignores their deficiency  knowingly?--these were questions i had at back of my mind always --i got a idea of what it really is .

                                           I have always been inspired by real life heroes --people who struggled like hell to overcome there shortcomings in real life with grit ,,there are  couple of  unforgettable   name i get in my mind --one of the major reasons i changed that "pity feeling thought " for people with physical deficiency  he is 

      NICK VUJICIC .

                   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjbX6mDnMwM

                                                                              (One of my favourite videos -seen it a hundred times )

                               Never mind how many times i see this heroes video i get inspired everytime --a guy who is affected by a special disorder called "tetra amelia syndrome " ,with no arms and no legs but what a fighting heart he has --mind blowing --i saw this guys video some years before -- the first time i saw this video i felt "this is another real time inspiration in my life"i have seen his video few times when  i felt down and every time i felt  it awe inspiring --how much maturity and how much grit this guy has shown to a life that has been unfair to him from the moment he was born -i cant imagine myself him for a second yet hes he for the whole of his life and he is inspiring people --hes a renowned preacher --a example for utmost grit overcomin severe physical deficiencies ,,One word to this guy who isnpires me a million times -Amazng ---"Its a lie to think you are not good enuf "--"Its a lie to think you are not worth anything "---yes sir u said it ---and everytime i see your video i  feel  inspired -you have been one marvellous example of how even god is imperfect 

                   

  ALEX ZANARDI,

                              A former cart champion who waas in midst of one of the most horrendous crashes in history of racing when his whole car went to pieces in a crash with him inside--he had both his legs amputed and yet made a remarkable comeback to sports later with his never say die spirit 

   BARRY WEST ;

                             Barry West met with a horrific accident at 19,,he lost his arms and legs in the crash ,,yet he learnt to fight his life --he wanted to live his dreams --nothing stopped him --he went for mountaineering ,,scuba diving ,paragliding,skiing ,,he is one of the familiar names who fought severe deficiencies with sheer grit ,,another case of what matters is whats inside and not what sumone looks outside .          

                            

                                  These are some of the examples that come to my mind immediately ,,but there are so many of them ,,yet all of them convey one single stuff loud and clear ,,theya re not one to be pitied always . Yes the next time you see sumone lacking outside ,i hate to even categorize them with some seperate name --they are just a different us --because god doesnt create every human being in same way --they still have unique talents --they have hearts that generally have more grit than a normal person,they dont need our pitiful words  and looks --they dont need our sudden change of expression just because they look different ,,it took me long to put myself in their shoes and imagine what it is like to go through what they do ---the smile in that girls face --the act by that elderly woman stayed for a long time after that incident and then there was one Nick Vijucic --Life is cruel --very cruel sumtimes --for no fault of urs ---but if u learn to stop complaining --u invariably would have started fighting against all odds ,,there are few real time heroes who let us know the truth ,,hereby saluting those real time heroes  and who have been nothin short of awe inspirin --Indeed they all tell us one thing --"Stop Complaining --Start Fighting" !!!!!

                     

 

                                          

Loneliness Teaches U Lot More Than Just Pain !!!

                       (Written in no pessimistic feeling for being so lonely in my life at this point of my life  rather feeling optimistic that loneliness has shown me truths i never saw before)

          

             "Will you never leave me for gods sake " i asked one of my friends many years ago rudely ---She replied smilingly "Why should I - I dont want to be alone in this world again  --already have spent 20 yrs goin through it --u have no idea what is to be in tht space -- All u have in that space is Scary Silence  !! "

                              Not until last few years did i realise the magnamity of those words - but i realised lot more than that --"Loneliness is sumthing noone wishes for -it is a unwanted guest --(undeniable ,unacceptable ,painful --yes --but more than everythin it is hell a lot worth than all that )-"but when it comes it comes as a waterfall with full force --the only thing you could do is getting wet and believing you will not get washed away when it is done ".

                              The skies seems endless--the nights after work seem colder with every minute-the search for food become so tiring that u wished u were never hungry --the walks alone wishing for more than the fresh air for company --to scale out the borders of life at this juncture is probably the hardest --but sumwhere the more u live with it you learn more about life,people and yourself .Might seem absolutely stupid but that is a truth,,the time before i was pushed to these boundaries it seemed i was not spared a minute as i was swamped by my relatives,friends and neighbours ,,,it was a pleasant headache to have ---but once years started rolling by -people started getting stuck in their own stuff and slowly life seemed too barren and i seemed to have plenty of time for myself as hours seemed like days suddenly .

                             Frustrations begin to setin --irritated by not having people at the right time at the right hour felt like injustice --ran out of patience --after few breakups and few hiccups --i started realising ---"tht i have no idea what the purpose of the other persons life is all about" --to expect is human --to hope is of love--to wish is of trust ---but when that person is not able to be near you it is sheerly out of inability of contriving situations to bend according to our needs and not selfishness as i foresaw--i met a frd after 1 long yr after mistakin her for leaving abruptly without intimating anything despite being a close frd of mine --when i sat reluctantly to hear her side i did not expect her to have had that horrible torrid time during the same time --a torrid marriage gone wrong --a miscarriage ---hell a lot had happened and i knew nothing--suddenly i felt the other way around of me not being there for her --life seemed lot more mystical .

                           On my own i started believing it is a better way to know about the people in ur life --probably by being at a distance u understand the value of every person in ur lives--u get ur basics right about the people --at some point by living with loneliness u slowly start to realise more about urself -what to do and what not --pains will remain ,,scars will be there but when u have no option than to accept fate--u begin to unravel simple truths u missed during happy times --simple facts about people u love --ur forgotten passion--so many little things makeup for scary unwanted silence !!

                         " Tommorow  might hold nothing good - this  silence might be still prolonging --pain might be endless--but the fact is on the other positive side --its better to be not too close --u will be sure when sumone isnt in ur life in ur most desperate moment --u might very well be doing the same --its not a case of them being selfish but just pushed helpless by nature .

                      I just remember the quote with the one person i admire a lot for her guts and most probably the rudest girl i have come across my life but still was a special special frd for her absolute frankness in everything she did  ,,the last words she told me before she left far away to find happiness --I said to her while bidding farewell ---" See u r goin to feel lonely that you are goin away from me too" --she replied  "Being lonely is  not a sin --yes it will pain endlessly but i will adapt--my mind is clear --my path is visible --there is a life to live --lonely or not --i will go on for i know my time is not up ,,,yet "

                                                       --My inspiration  to fight loneliness is her --She lives just 5 hrs from my place --yet i have not seen her for few yrs now we were once close buddies  --i know there is a life to live ---with or without anyone ---I Will !!!

                   

"Suicides ---Something Tht Can Be Prevented If We Could Pay Slight More Attention On Our Loved Ones !!!!

http://www.thehindu.com/todays-paper/tp-national/tp-tamilnadu/article3330462.ece
                                                Yesterday morning in almost most of radio stations --there was a very strong discussion goin on about the increasing number of suicides in our places ,,the above students unfortunate end actually sent mild shock waves around the city as it was the second such suicide in a short time in the same place..Actually what bothered me was some poor ideas and comments passed on by some people who clearly did not understand the need of the hour was not post mortems but preventions .They seemed too excited to discuss the issue in the right sense and it some of them seemed bit silly !!
                                             I heard one person sayin"We should play them holy songs and holy movies ---seemed bit bizarre to me --another person said --"We should get them involved in sports activities"--seriously some were good and some were horrible suggestions ---but for me the basic point was what we do to prevent them ??---No guy or girl wants to be a loner in this world --because no one is born a loner --at some point of time we find sumone to talk ,,to share,,to listen --the thought of failures hits u hard when u have noone to share because there "NEVER IS A ISSUE OF SUMONE SAYIN I HAVE NOTHIN TO SHARE "-the basic problem with people in my part of world with whom i can relate these incidents is everyone of us is too involved in our own issues to note what is happening to the members in our family and in our cirlce.And im not saying all this in philosophical views --i have personally gone through this trauma 10 years back ,i know how exactly it feels to be lost and lonely and moreover "HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO EXECUTE  A PLAN TO KILL ONESELF "

   One day in  November  2002
                           Losing a mother at a young age is in itself a hard truth to swallow but to lose the person who meant the world to me felt like lights had gone out of my life --i struggled to cope up with the reality - i was just 20 that time --the world seemed a scary place ,,very scary to even live --i had no frds to discuss my loneliness --my confusions were confined to myself --i had to take the next step by myself as my family was trying to come in terms with the harsh truth --i tried for the same stupid silly stuff  believing ending ones life is the end of any problem forgetting what a chain of problems it may have catapulted if done so ,,i failed so miserably and i could never fault my family one percent ,,my issue was i was devoid of anyone to speak or know how to feel about a grave loss
                          It was believe me the most scariest difficult thing to imagine let alone doing --no human being will have the guts to do tht once he decides,,we are born like tht ,,,just before that moment of deciding comes thousand vulnerable moments where our heart yearns for one soul to talk ,,to share ,,for sumone to put a shoulder on us and say "It will pass on ,,dont worry "---thts what is probably needed ,,comfort of belief that u are not left alone to take ur own decision when u are at ur vulnerable worst .Loneliness in moments of high discomfort leads to wrong decisions according to me ,,if sumone around you feels left out ,,feels deserted ,just make sure he or she doesnt feel the same for prolonged period of time --and in case of students its even important for frds or family to sit and talk to them about their priorities in life ,,their disappointments should be discussed --and there should be a "COMFORTING HAND ON THEIR SHOULDER AT ANY COST ",i dont believe in showing holy movies or songs or reducing television(?)may help them at stress ,,but comforting words ,a family member who is supportive to the core ,,a true friend,,and  moreover "there is always a angel in every house --the one who brought u to this world --even if world takes u wrong she will never !!

                          
                      I felt very bad and heart wrenching pain when i read abt this stuff in newspaper felt sorry for the girl and this was my feeling and perspective about the stuff ,,not meant to hurt anyones thoughts --my personal wish by this blog is to reiterate that prevention is better than post mortems ,,we have our roles however miniscule it may be --sumtimes it might be the one that saves a life .
                      Suicides is a serious problem in our society but it has a simple solution ---"Everyone one of us taking care of our loved ones at all times"!!!

In Love Of A Lovely Mom !!!

                        Every time i feel lonely ,,lost --one person gives me energy --belief ,trust --probably its the same for every human being who is born on this world --their mom is magical --I thought of writing a few lines on my mom --who continues to motivate me to never give up despite anythin --Love u mom (Pardon me im no means a poet --but to describe a mom u need not be a poet always :):))

                         " The one relationship that seems forever --timeless 

                             the one person for whom i was always ---priceless 

                             the one person whose love seemed -- endless 

                             of all the persons i have seen u remain -peerless "

                                  

                            Lived the life of a ever lasting queen --even married a king rightfully  :)

                            The flowers in the garden were always wishing for your heavenly touch 

                            My Mornings were always beautiful  waking up to ur angelic face

                            Today my mornings without u seems a misty haze !!

                                  

                          " Everything stood still if u wished --u never aged even !

                            Twenty years never seemed enough --heart yearns for more!

                            Probably u gave anger and ego back to god whenu were born!!

                            Not many did tht --God gifted u with everlasting love and happiness!!

                                

                           People stood to admire your smile !!

                          A smile that even death waited for a moment to see that !!

                          You gave everythin what we all wished --you gave what even god wished !!

                          He wished for you to be by his side --anything -anyone asked -u gave !

                                  

                           If only i knew how and why u were like that !!

                           Maybe God took one extra second in creating you !!

                           Magical ,mystical ,startlingly simple amazingly honest !!

                           Truth never hurt you - No one ever cursed you 

                           Love never deserted you--it followed u till ur last!!

                                   

                           Death is the most cruel inevitable part of life 

                           Yet you made even death comfortable --and im sure 

                           Death felt ashamed to take ur noble life long before it was due to end 

                           A whole life with just love and love only !!

                                     

                                  

                            MOM--uttering these words i get tears every single time 

                              Tears --of happiness--of desperation to see u just one more time

                                  More than anything tears saying out loudly

                             "Thank You for giving me a experiencing a life with a angel "

                                                                --  My journey continues with u in heart forever  --

                                                                                         Luv u and Miss u !!!!

                                                                                     

                                   

                                 

  

                               

                               

                                

                                

                                

                                 

                              

"PATIENCE " - If Only I Had More Of That !!!

" Nobody teaches you to be patient --u learn that by yourself   

  Sumthing that is easily achievable but always reluctantly considered  impossible

  if u have patience u may not win the world but u can give urself every chance for all ur dreams "

                                                   

   April 10th ,2012

                           On the face of some grounding humiliation and forced embarassment --the day became a unforgettable one for all the wrong reasons for me ,,,while the reason was nothing new or nothing big to write about --the outcome of that severely hurt my thoughts--After a bad incident people who were present for a  impending good occasion which eventually got called off hours before it was to happen due to fate,,, started wagging their tongues and started abusing impatiently on innocent people who were not responsible for anything--i just thought to myself about a word i wished people gave bit more importance than what it is now---PATIENCE-seems a forgotten word to us in this fast paced world but is it true ?

                            I cant judge the importance of the word through sumone else --I was thinking --How much of importance have i given to tht word ?---the mind rolled back to years on few incidents on how i missed chances of learning the beauty of the word

From School ,

                     Its very funny that u tend to remember the days of ur school than ur college ones more --i could remember vividly my school days --i could not bear a beating to learn a lesson from my 1 st std teacher --so much so i changed my section --i forgot that if i had patience i would have been a better student but as it turned out i messed managing my capabilities to my best ,,,patience was a factor i missed then

A rueful incident --all of impatience

                   "If u dont find a vehicle within next few minutes im leavin"--"No --i will be there soon by sum means "---couple of hrs later i heard the news of the friend ( a amazing,amazing  one) died of a horrible accident --if only i had  given her couple more minutes --maybe things would have been different --again patience was the word i forgot to take note off and eventually paid a big price --a price i feel haunted sumtimes even now--a sense of guilt haunts me still --why could not i have been bit more patient---after all it was of one of the most influential persons of my life -it was a mistake i regret everyday  --the only thing about a mistake is u make sure it never happens again for a second time in my life ---tht incident also taught me abt how  being patient is a huge factor in life .

                   

With MOM-the relentlessly never tiring human beings of this world

                    With mom it was remarkable because i had luxury to be impatient with her always --she was patient personified -nothing i did hurt her --atleast thts what she showed in her life --"Every time she wanted me to become her dream son --i would act as a nightmare to her wishes --yet she was patient enuf to allow me to win then beleiving some day her patience will win and some of her lovely wishes realised ---it did happen eventually --only thing --She was seeing few of her wishes shape up from up above --if only i was patient enuf to see the world through her eyes !!!!

                                   

                      Here now while writing this i can see myself in my past  ruining some priceless moments with my reluctance to be patient --today when all the crap things,ill advised words were thrown around i told myself--"Just be patient --it is a opportunity u r giving urself to get things u wish sumday "---it was perhaps for first time in my life i buried my natural anger and hoped being patient will help in long run

                     

                      Anger ,,Haste ,,Ego ,,Pain ,Love,--we never hesitate to show any of those qualities of our nature --if only we could embrace patience as one among them --life would be a wonderful place than what it seems sumtimes--for me if only i had bit more than what i showed in my life -i would have felt heaven everyday ,every minute of life --learning to be patient is a simple but mystical art --we know how it is done --but we dont  want it to be done ,,,lol ,,,hope tht changes because if that thought changes life changes --im in the process atlast :):)

                       

                

The forgotten beauty of hand written letter or greeting card!!!!

     ***  ( There was more than one reason and hell a  lot of scolding --so im back again :)))***


                             "Written in full heartfelt thanks to my sweet sis hasini --whose handwritten greeting card gave me a much needed uplift to my sagging thoughts "
                          
  " I never knew that day was this good until i saw it 1000 times in my
      Nothing is pointless when u see it 1000 times in ur memory ---for when
         I saw 1001th time i knew i was not just seeing it --i was feeling it :)"
                
                                                                The first time i fell in love with  written words was when i read these words in a paper handwritten so beautifully --i felt so happy seeing it and im talking abt sumthing a decade before !!! Yes  In a era when there was not much mail in use ,,when landline phones were still prominent --time has changed now --hardly anyone writes these days --its just mails --but trust me its sumother feeling to see sumone writing for you --it is probably the only time when u never analyse sumones handwriting rather just take sumones love to heart and fall into a world where there is only happiness --undeniable happiness

                                                             I hardly have 10 written letters and very few greeting cards written in hand -yet they are my most priceless collection --recently when i was struggling to get myself up -- i received a beautiful card written with love --it changed my life again postively again..it does have a huge impact to see sumone taking even a minute to think abt u --thts the purpose of hand written letters ---it gives untold  happiness .
                                                           In this egostic world --noone is spared to live without fights or misunderstanding ---and at the same time some real love goes unexpressed for a lifetime--A hand written letter might solve many things --help u break ice ---form sumthing lifelong ---I know u wont believe it ---do it once and see the results
                                                        " Our entry and exit in this world may be a lonely one--never choose loneliness whilst u live --a handwritten letter to sumone u love always helps u to rule out that option for life --try it to beleive it ---its a simple magic but a mesmerising one "
          
                                               
      
   

Bye Bye to Blogging and Writing --Its been a pleasure every moment,Now to life without writing :)!!!

" To every one of my pals and ppl who made my blogging  experience a very special one -A Big Thanks "

 "Exactly One year of living the passion i loved ---still have the passion endlessly but no motivation though  :)
        For every few of u who supported and my king bhai --Dipu and Seema gilly --a heartfelt thanks

           Its been a dream --an amazing one sharing some of my most vivid memories and happenings of my life  --right now im strugglin to find one good reason to continue tht --hopefully in future if i have one good reason to start again  -  I Will!!! 
            
     As they say "Never say Never for anything as long as u r alive - Who knows ??"
                              ----- To be continued probably sumtime ---
                                                 Lots of love --Shan!!!!!
                     
                      

A hard truth from a funeral i attended recently !!!

                "Till Ashes without guilt -without fault-with just unfading true love-- Im scared of the next morning without u --death came empty handed and took away almost  ur dreams --the ones remaining will be mines from now on -What a wunderful life u had !!"

                                                   ---- Many years ago when my wunderful mom passed away when i first encountered the pain of a  funeral in close quarters --sumhow it brought a chill in my spine everytime ever after i went to a funeral ,,As u grow old it is sumtimes inevitable to be part of births and deaths of ur known circle ,recently had been to a funeral of a frds dad .
                                                            He was a fierce person ---sticking to his principles and eventually cared less for his wife ,,he had a daughter and a son ---though i were never close to enough to know the truths of his meticulous life --i had a sneaky feeling he never wanted to reveal the truths to anyone --a retired govt employee ---he was above middle class--he had enough money not to go for another job --on the day of sudden demise due to poor health check ups and sudden heart failure --he was admitted in hospital --for 3 days ---he was not properly seen by any of his family members---when eventually he passed away--people hardly felt his absence --instead his own wife for 40 odd years did not shed a tear -- they were soon discussin how to share his savings and though it did not startle me because in todays fast world that paper with numbers matters most --not whats inside the human body --"MONEY WINS HANDS DOWN OVER HEART "
                                                               On the way back i thought --A good man,,what was his life about ---if he could not make two people feel his absence ---he must have led a very sad lonely life with many hidden truths which now had gone with him-- Did he not give himself another opportunity to live differently??--"Its one thing feeling lonely and  another thing to be ignored by your ppl -- sadly i felt the latter  seein his family act made me feel the same way abt him"--Anyhow i wished his soul rest in peace beacause he was a good man at heart
                                                               There was a chilling truth --i had witnessed my own moms life and another wunderful persons life in close quarters ---unfortunately had to lose them and few others -In hindsight what is the best possible way of living your life?- i felt the best possible way to live a life is to atleast live without guilt and minimum fault--thats in our control always --to earn those two people in life sumtimes matters because it may well take a lifetime --i again got a chill in a spine in another funeral ,,i know this is not a feel good blog but its sumthing to realise whom to priortise in life and wht to give imporance in life --heart over money anytime for me  
                                                          Sighning off with few  lines which i wrote for a 10 yr old angel few yrs before on her last day in this world

                                 "Farewell little girl --u showed me life is all about belief over reality ,Love over mind ,,Smile over pain ,memory over time ,,hope over death --god will be refrshed by your pure soul and i envy u for ur faultless life --always "
         
 Still on search for those two people in ma life too ,,, hopefully sumday soon the search might end !!!!  -----:):)

                                            

Happy Bday Dipu ---Seeing Never Matters --Feeling Does -U R Proof For That !!

    "Dedicated to my brother -one of my best friends - "My  Brave Unarmed Warrior against Fate To U  Sandeep--Happy Bday  Bhai!!"
               
      "  Stars Twinkle in distance --sumtimes the heart yearns to touch them
          you can never do tht ---nor can u stop seeing them in night -like stars
          sum people keep staying  in your lives despite everything "
                                       
                                                            Ever since the beginning of the 2000s the usage of computers became a compulsive one for youngsters all around the world --the world was never the same place --my remembrance of the my first tryst with it was bad ,,i never liked it --but with typical mindset of a young guy whose only notion to use the computer was to try to find sumone of opposite gender and have a good time,i went about learning to use it for fun -my first experience with sumone ended pretty badly --my happy dreams came to thundering halt --from then on i decided its not the way to look upon this online frdship thing --tht was around 2002-03 time --almost a decade back
                                                            Admittedly being incharge of a concern gave me time to still make frds in  yahoo ids --when social networking sites were not  prominent  --then came the existence of ORKUT --the world  seemed so different and i made friends like anything --once in my account i had 550 frds and 8000 odd scraps,i --i felt everythin was good but --then again the  real  spark was missing ---i felt the question "Does these online frdships mean anything at all other than fun?"-then i started to give a honest attempt in trying to find more meaning in them because sumthing in me told i could connect with ppl i never met than i did with people i met everyday here and being in a job where i need to interact with 100s of  people in a day it seemed odd
                                                       Life after 2005 changed for good --i met some amazing ppl --the amazement at the first interaction i had with this brother of me -Sandeep --still remains after nearly 6 years --i never had a younger brother before --i never had the feeling that i never had one after knowing this guy ---u might wonder whats the big deal ?---I HAVE NOT SEEN THIS GUY EVEN ONCE -yet i never felt tht --neither his absence in real day to day life affected me even for a minute in all these years of knowing him -the amazement still remains every bit even now -the support --the care the love --the amazing belief and beyond that ,,the trust that makes me feel sumtimes that im a blessed guy to have come to know such a guy in my life
                                                      The important point in a relationship or a frdship is to have trust that the other person will not let you down at ur moment of despair,will enjoy your happiness with uninhibited joy --that despite the odd dispute ,,few fights --few arguements -few ego clashes --DESPITE EVERYTHIN-u never give up the relationship that made you smile ,,that made u feel heaven for few moments --that made u feel u r not lonely --is what any relationship is about --it is precisely why even not seeing each other every day does not matter--sumtimes the truth is

                     "The heart does not need to see sumone to feel happy --even mere hearing sumone  or reading few lines from them makes ur heart feel the happiest -there in lies  the secret of enjoying life in such relationships and frdships  "

                                                       Yes i have been fortunate enuf to have handful of great ppl  like tht  -my effervescent  soulmate from  ,,another everlovely brother   ,,a inspirational girl ,a bubbly girl who has gone through so much torture are some of the people that come to my mind--they remain the pillar of support in my life which is haunted by loneliness but sparked by these people and just a few others --so i do have every reason to feel positive abt the relaionships even though there are few negative points of them --the eventual presence has made a big difference in my life

Happy Bday Daps (Belated wishes .lol)

                                                       "Nobody symbolises the relationship in my life more than you do-Sandeep --despite evrythin that has happened ---despite huge obstacles --despite endless hurdles --u  have been the best brother you could be --could not have asked for anythin more --if anybody proved that with utmost sincerity it was u bro with  -true love--unrelenting support --showing endless grit --maturity beyond years and beyond everythin not failing the trust i kept on u and repaying that with even more trust and belief --i m indebted and thanful  to u for my whole life --even this blogsite which has finally fulfilled my 20 odd years dream which may very well have been till my life was undeniably the best gift i have got in my life---Wishing you all the best in your life especially on the doorsteps of becoming a father --that kid could not have a better human being as father --no words are enuf to write abt one of my all time best friends --the ones who know u will acknowledge the fact --Happy Bday my "Priceless Prince"may u keep fighting till ur last and may few other people know how good u r as i do !!
                                                      For those of you in the beginning stage  of any online realationship or frdship --my  advice from personal experience is ---just go by what ur heart feels and never go by what your eyes want to see --seeing hardly matters--ever --have trust beyond practical impatience--have belief beyond incidents --trust your heart to create some magical unforgettable memories in ur life --it will happen --miracles do happen ---i just wished one of the miracles in my life a slightly belated bday wish --yes the bday was on 16th ---now u know what i meant by practical impatience --lol --catch u soon !!