"Life Is A Timed Masterpeice "

One of the toughest long days in memory  ,
            
          " I just dont wanna desert my search for love --i just want to desert loneliness "

                                    " Diwali -- Festival of lights "--A day perceived to bring more light to our lives but oddly today seemed the most unhappening diwali of my life --Is it a irony or just a process of events in life that were always meant to happen is debatable --but undeniable is what it is.Strangely Diwali has the biggest impact in my life ---it used to be the biggest occasion day in my life for 20 years --the dresses -the crackers --the sweets --the guests --the friends visit --the new movies on televison --the fun of the day always made me look to this day every year
                                       Diwali became a marked day when my wonderful mom passed away exactly on diwali day --It is almost a decade i have celebrated the day with that same vigour --maybe the day has left with me too much significance to underplay it .Where once it was marked by smiles all around --by friendly banters by innumeorus friends --by sharing of sweets in the wee hours cracking senseless jokes with buddies --by innocuous late night calls with online friends --the day gave me endless happiness --some moments frozen for eternity --that i can feel the moments as fresh as a daisy --so beautiful it was --but reality sometimes hits you hard when u least expect it too --In matter of years the same day that gave endless joy just seemed the toughest  day . imaginable

       " From the beginning i thought i was destined to search love but
           seems loneliness was destined to find me before that --always !!!"                            
                                      How time has changed --perhaps life is  a timed masterpiece - a pre written piece of our future that  can never be predicted --the best hope is to find solace in our belief -never change them for anything at anytime even if it comes at a deadly price--because as i said we can never guess the next happening -- Call it irony --Call it coincidence of fate --defeat to inevitability --price for trying to find my solace in "Love "--this day seemed loneliness had won the battle ---almost ---because there is a tommorow to be seen and a life to be lived !!!!
                               

                        
                        
             

Ten Years Without U -But With Ur Memories And Tht Unforgettable Angelic Smile !!!

                                  "Your failures are my mistakes as a mother "

                                         Dedicated to the soul whom i owe everything in my life --to the one person who showed me the meaning of love -To My Mom -On her 10th death anniversary --04-11-2012

From my memories  :
 It was year 1983--Around-- Trichy "SEVAA SANGAM SCHOOL "
                             My first entry into school doesnt bring me any memories other than one person --Mom --Her Name "Sittal Achi "---As it is the ignorance of childhood --i used to call her "Sittu"--i remember how she used to walk me to the class with bag in hand -pleading me to go --and i remem crying like anything --sitting in class --only one thing comforted me --i could see her standing in the gate from my class(my class was first one to gate i think )--that happend for the time i studied over there --i dont remem the teachers ,the students or anyone else except her .
                            Studyin in one of the premier schools ought  to have changed her mindset --but it did not --she was tireless --the class timing was changed and i was one of three kids --she had to take care of all three of us -she did it for all of us with that same tirelessness--She was my first tuition teacher --she learnt english so that she could help all three of us since we studied in Anglo Indian Schools where english was given prime importance ---She learnt English every year along with us --despite not having any degree all she had was fierce determination--Nothing was beyond her --she believed--and if not for her i would have stuck sumwhere in seeing studies as a improbable reach due to the high standards of education demanded by the school i was educated -i was above average student only of her efforts -she underlined education is a must and dedication an even important must .
                         Most importantly all this was done with her waiting almost 4 hours at the gate hoping to see my face --never tired ---then helping us in studies --then washing the clothes bare hands --remember countless occasions making her waske up and cook up at early morning --again never tired just a smile ---how much can a mother love not getting angry is amazing --my pain was shared by her without me asking ---and i never asked her how shes been doing it when she was alive --doing things for her children made her forget she had her own life --her own likings ---her own wishes --everything had seemingly taken a back seat -i look back at that now and i cannot but admire what a mother i have had .
                         Failures never perturbed her belief ,it made her responsible for them instead,,it just added to her determination-despite all her efforts --the expected results from me never happened mainly and wholesomely due to my careless attitude of young years --but it made less impact on her remarking once when i broke down after failure after failure asking my mom
                       "Can i quit studies--i have become a abject failure " See "Your failures are my mistakes as mother too "--That stayed with me for long time --not that it shook of my slumberness -but it was something could be said only by mothers -this world has seen countless changes --internet revelations --modernisation has become an inevitable acceptability --like or not --but one thing that has been stable --a seemingly constant among extraordinary revelations -a universally accepted credibility to mankind --"Motherhood "--the first ecstacy--the first happiness--the first medal--even the first failure when occured the first person we like to express to is our mothers .
                        " I Expect nothig--i will be ur side in everything "--that seems the motto of mothers --the single relationship that expects nothing but gives everything --And the beauty of my life was i got even more --Mom --It is 10 years since u left me but it seems lot more --- i feel ur fragrance even as i write this --i hugged and held ur hands tight for years --the rough  tireless hands still stay in my mind --and that magnificent smile -the smile which kept and keeps me fighting during trouble some times --the never ending attendances to road side shops to fill my stomach not my heart --everything shows what i ought not have missed --not atleast for few more years --but i do realise that u were tireless all ur life --tireless to do ur duties ---tireless to make ur kids realise the importance of leading a good life by living one --when the moment eventually arrived --when fate cruelly came out with arms open to get u back --when death stood for a minute in shame for coming to take ur life at that young age --i saw that ur last tear from ur eyes showed maybe u have been tired of endless sacrifices --maybe god was feeling u were sacrificing too much --he decided to take u by his side once for all -angels are after all god sent --and i had the priveleage of being with a angel  for years. 

           " I lived a dream for 20 years-I smiled when in happiness with countless reasons
              Ten years without u ---Neither do i have that smile ,nor that effervescent happiness
               But i have ur  memories --ur priceless words for life --i ask no more

                           Nothing makes me proud than being called "your son "!!!

                       Hoping you are happier and at peace --ur dreams will be realised --Luv u lot --Miss u hell a lot my tireless angel--i know u r watching up sumwhere with that angelic smile -that unforgettable angelic smile .

வானத்தை நோக்கி !!!

                                                                                                    
 
மழை மேகம் ஏந்திய வானத்தை பல கேள்விகளுடன் உற்று பார்த்தேன் !
 
மழையில் விழுகின்ற துளி ஒன்றாவது என் கேள்விக்கு விடையோடு வராதா என்று !
 
குளிர் காற்று மனதிற்கு மிக அவசியமான அன்பாக வருடும் தென்றல் ஆனது !
 
காற்று வரும் திசையில் எதாவது ஒரு முலையில் என் தொலைந்துபோன அழகான நாட்கள் திரும்பி வர ஏங்கினேன் வராது என்று தெரிந்தும்!!!
 
உறைந்த கண்களோடு அசைவற்ற நின்ற நான் என் சகோதரன் மகளின் செல்ல அதட்டலில் திரும்பினேன் ---கள்ளமற்ற சிரிப்பு என் தொலைந்து போன நாட்கள் திரும்பி வரும் என்று நம்பிக்கை தந்தது --வானத்தை நோக்கினேன் அவளுடனும் நம்பிக்கையுடனும் !!!

"Free Will"

                  " Im not here to satisfy anyone -My Life is entirely my choice-a clarified exhibition of my free will -i expect my life to be known so --not here to be sumone's best puppet "

                               --- that was many years ago my best mate  who made me understand  the importance of "free will "-- sumthing which should be first among all ur decisions --because it comes from what u feel -not  of what others want u .
                                     The last week was strange one -one of my brother like pals fell in love with a girl he was friend with ---was in a relationship for a year and more --and as in all cases eventually his family got to know abt this when there was talk of marriage ---and there was nothing short of earthquake in his house --hie phones were snatched ,,vehicle key was refused ,,even his credit and debit cards were refused to be given to him citing him to change heart to get all--this was all done by people in his own family!! --he was almost house arrested for doing what he did out of his own free will --"Love sumone he liked "was his biggest crime --and i have been seeing people going through time and time again for years now --it took me very long time to beleive this concept --as i felt it might border on lingering guilt in my heart if i took anything that might seem offensive to my people .
                                   For the first time in my life i felt anger for a family taking that decision --it was not first time i heard that --but it was first time i beleived that "the boy a dad loves,,the son a mom feels proud ,,a brother siblings feel happier to be with --a total family person -is rudely punished for respecting his "free will " and standing by his love --holy crap cant sumone out of the family be fair and see the real picture --i felt really sick this time --how many times am i gona hear it from a frd ?will this ever change in my lifetime ?--The first time it happened i was a spectator and years later im still a spectator witnessing the same drama enacted by different actors if i was to consider the world a stage as shakepeare quoted .
                                   Profession,love,life,wishes ,wants --all this has to be of one 's own free will --and if sumone is feeling guilt for trying to do so then it is the family that has to be embarassed not the individual --strongly believe if u dont have the discretion to decide ur choices and options in life you are just disrespecting ur life --there is not one life bereft of wishes ,wants ,love ,passion --its not about who deserves better -its about whats life all about --and noone wants to be anyones favourite puppet with strings attached to them and not to the individual --there cannot be a worse breach of freedom than forcing sumone to bury one's own free will for the benefit of everyone else --bcoz to the individual its gross injustice even if it is never told .
                                  When i heard the frd break down i felt uneasy silence --i felt like ---its been goin on from the time i knew abt things it seems it will be there long after im gone!! -But there is a solution to all this --simple one -If u love sumone dearly in ur family just accept their  decision if it seems alright --because to wait for ur answer is out of respect --to see it as a crime and punish them is just being grossly unfair to life itself --I wish one day there is this world where free will is appreciated ,respected  --not seen as a crime --not seen a offense and for the love of god not seen as a reason to encourage enemity --i wish not to be spectator yet again because i feel uneasy numbness of waiting and hoping ,,i once remember my best mate quoting

               "My choices are not lost --its just that it  always seems to be last"

                                    Wish sumday i have reason to say the opposite ,,,,,,,,,,
                                   

                                   

Just Go Sachin Please !!

                                              "My first sports hero --hero to millions -One of the humblest guys known -One of the best batsman in history -India's greatest sportsman in the last 25 years -- As I read once in  sportstar edition in the year 1998 -"King Of Kings "------SACHIN RAMESH TENDULKAR --I wanna remember him as such ,,,,Always--so do millions of people !!!
                                                 While i was watching Champions league T20 --Mumbai Vs Sydney Sixers ---Sachin was batting --and he was batting like someone else who resembled that great hero  --Battling to prove to the world sumthing --but what ?and moreover why ?--Has any other player served the nation with so much dedication --this much passion --this much longeivity --almost 25 years -since the first time a baby faced boy stood up to the  mighty Pakistanis--and showed what he was to become in the future --A WORTHY INCOMPARABLE CHAMPION.
                                                  I still remember so many magnificent headings in the newspapers when he shouldered India's name even while the team was faltering ,,

               " Sachin stands tall among shambles --India recalls Sachin tendulkar for 5th match in Sahara series against Pakistan,1997 --the champion returns and scores 80 odd after travelling 1000 miles for one match

               -Sachin stands like a Casablanca - after making 122  at Edbagston-96 when the whole team was crumbling like nine pins "

              "Even a sandstorm cant stop Sachin from taking India to finals -Coca Cola Cup"

           "Sachin -The best batsman in the world so many times "and when i read a heading "King of kings" after his expolits in sharjah 1998
                                                                   --it felt perfect --to a player in absolute pomp and without doubt  the best batsman then --i did not miss any of his match for years --once even i missed my university exam for hoping to watch him bat early morning  (Australia tour 99-00)-Such was the influence of the great man --i was never the only one who wanted to be like that --i always was one among thousands who thronged the tv screens to get a glimpse of "our hero"-I used to make prayers for him to win Man of Match awards --i used to cut pieces in magazines which wrote about him --they were endless --Still remember his photograph with Sir Don Bradman and he calling Sachin the closest to him in playing style --and he was one among the elite in Bradmans XI--this was a guy who simply made everyone's day by his sheer presence and was yet humble always .I could never imagine another sporting hero as Sachin Tendulkar .
                                               The last one year or so it has changed or it seems ---He accepted a  glittering expensive felicitation by Mumbai's and Bollywoods biggies in celebration of his monumental achievement of reaching 100 -hundreds in  international cricket ,,he went on accepting few more felicitations --then he remarked that "Only i will decide when i retire "--skipped a test series for India  after playing IPL fully ---Not that he doesnt deserves all the plaudits --he deserves hell a lot for carrying our nations pride for years on his shoulders --every indian felt relief and pride for Sachin lifting the World Cup --his dream for 22 years ---everyone shared the happiness and satisfaction -"BUT ALL THIS  IS SIMPLY NOT U SACHIN "
                                              Form is temporary - Class is permanent --this world will not see another player like Sachin --Another human being like Sachin --Being famous never got to his head unlike many others --"Almost Never--until the last bit of his spectacular career --that is how he might be remembered if he goes on playing -accepting felicitations  very unlike him and getting bowled by bowlers who in his pomp would have been scared to bowl a ball to the great man --Now unusually it is us --his die hard fans all his career who are scared of him getting bowled and feeling embarrased that all this might ruin a flawless career  --undeniably a spectaculat torch bearer of Indian Sports --I remember watchin him sitting with pads on after getting bowled trying desperately to forget the lapse nervously --Here was a hero who might be just fading but more importantly who is stuttering to accept its time to go --Even Sachin Tendulkar has to retire one day --and tht day seems nearer --i dont want him to get humiliated by selectors asking him to go like The Great Richards ,,The Great Kapil Dev and some other great cricketers .
                                         Just Go Sachin --U won our hearts 23 years back --u inspired millions -u gave hope to every indian --u might be the last warrior of the coveted Indian Middle Order that had some great names --but we want to remember u as a Gladiator --as sumone was the epitome of pride in Indian Sports internationally --We wanna remember you as a king who thrilled our senses with god given talent --You have achieved everything --You have nothing to prove to  anyone ----Please dont stay more and make us feel bit bad for our hero --For me i almost remember everything of your career --once nothing made me happy than seeing u win matches --now it feels as bad to watch u crumble and refusing to go whilst we all remember ur wonderful moments and it would be a utter disgrace and height of unfortunateness if the current generation and next remembers u as the one who struggled in his last days as player --It still matters for millions that u bid adieu with head held high and  real smile in those lips --for only that will be a fitting farewell --our happy tears await that moment bit quickly than u might have wished -but
                                "A hero Like u should live in our hearts like a hero --ALWAYS "

                    ---Please Go Sachin--and let us remember as u were always meant to be ---A HERO --A CHAMPION BEYOND COMPARE "
                  

"If I knew ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,"

"If my mind was given a chance to speak
   I would have shown the world i was not lonely

  If my heart was given a chance to speak
   I would have shown the world i was not without love

  If my eyes were given a chance to speak
   I would have shown the world that tears speak

  If my past had given me a hint of my present
   I would have still got my wonderful soulmate

  If sumone had told me "you aint sharing ur life with anyone  "
   I would have shown u and said "Oh yes i do "

  If that master manipulator up there just gave me one fair chance
   I would have shown "This aint  just world  --its a replica of heaven"

 If i knew my happiness was of few special people
   I would have been prepared never to lose them which sadly  i have

 If I knew that my wishes were real only in my dreams
   I would have stopped dreaming because it hurts when ur wishes are real only in ur dreams
 
          ** I knew not much of so much but all my life i knew sumthing
                **  That i was loved truly --and i loved back truly
                     *** Just for that beautiful little time i knew how heaven might be !!
              
          Its well past midnight --Missing couple of wonderful people -with just the air around me to comfort ----Life cant be more cruel- the night cant be colder -I dont have anyone --not even my tears -but i will try to  sleep with the belief that there is a morning awaiting for me as always --a better one probably .
           
         
 
  

"Teach Me "

      A day i will never forget in my life
 
      One evening in early 2000's  
                                                    "Its enough buddy --leave ur dad and come with us we will find a way --u have everything --u have decent enough job-a wife ,a kid--y do u need to hear his crap u have been hearing for 20 years " many years back  it was yelled towards Narain  by his best friend-Narain replied "Nothing changes the fact that he is my father "  --i had known Narain for 10 odd years -He became a known friend through his hobby of photography which was my profession for long time--Never a close friend but happened to know him good enough--Nothing about him was extraordinary-he carried a uneasy silence --His father was a vry rough man whose roots had been from very orthodox measures--I felt sorry for him manytimes-felt few times angry on his dad but the fact we were not intimate friends i always maintained a distance from him
 
        This Rainy Morning in 2012 ; 
                                                      I met him admittedly after many years --he was into his late thirties  and it showed ,he had lost his hair --he looked far different --his daughter was grown up girl -i accidentally met him --talked for sumtime--that uneasy silence was still there --"H r u man still getting kicked by ur old man ?"--He just smiled and said "Dad expired last year "-I felt bad for my stupid question --he continued "He was a great man--his place in my life will remain void till my last"-i just became a listener -"U know buddy he was always strict ,,maybe he wanted me to be better than  him --he knew early i was never good enough -he was never able to accept the fact that his son would not fulfil his dreams --thats what made him a rough person to the world i guess"--i thought he was speaking to overcome the loss --then he said sumthing that brought a tear in my eyes ,My dad was affected by lung cancer --he was diagnosed in last stage--he passed away shortly --the last words he said to me was

                                 "You are the best son any father could have had "
 
                                                    Narain continued as he was leaving --"Relationships are not entirely by choices -He was my beginning and his words are worth my life"--he seemed a hero to me --perhaps he had maturity at such a young age that he could accept realities as they were and blame noone,i wanted to ask him "Teach me" .
                                                  " U cannot change everything u dont like --u maynot be the son who made ur dad proud--u may not be the husband a wife wants --u may not be the father ur kid wishes to idolise -u may not be the lovely mate ur frds wished -u may not be the lover ur girl wished (even if the girl was a angel )--not the son a great ,great mother hoped --but remember not everything is ur choice ---u have to live with what u r given with - there is always a unknown greatness in people who love u ---even if u r unable to see that   -never underestimate anyone's love --from the time there was life in this world it still remains the cheapest yet priceless thing in the world "
                                                   My heart envies that proud son of a prouder father --after all u live for such moments --u dont plan such poignant moments --sumtimes it takes a lifetime -so what --to hear sumthing like that a lifetime is worth every moment in gold .I may never see him again but if i do i will surely ask him "Teach Me ".
 

Its Time Media Took More Responsibility And Limit Glaring Mistakes!!

                                                  I was reading a leading morning daily tamil newspaper today -(14.10.2012-Sunday ),though my main objective was to kill time ,i was nevertheless reading through the headlines,and particularly this bit of news caught my attention

The last few days this guy has been in news for all his wrong doings and misuse of women,,Yes it a eyeopener for women to be aware of such people ,,it is a eyeopener for young girls who are nothing but innocent with such petty minded people ,Kudos to the media and newspapers ,BUT BEYOND ALL THESE ,THERE  IS A UNDENIABLE  MISTAKE IN THIS NEWSPAPER--IT IS NOT ONLY VERY SAD TO NOTE BUT BORDERS ON ATROCIOUS NEGLIGENCE .
                                 "If u note in the picture the article explains the unexplainable actions of the individual but whats more glaring is the girl in the picture is clearly shown with "HER FACE NOT MASKED "-Yes it is appreciable the paper has taken steps to hide the girls private parts --but its very sad to note the same care has not been taken for the girls face (the spot has been marked as i personally did not want to publicise it once more )-Is it not a act of carelessness or is it just acceptable irresponsibility ?--Cmon the girl might be a unmarried person and it may affect her future badly or if she is married it will still affect her family life--its a loss-loss situation for her ,,"Where was the necessity for publishing the picture with her face ????Is it not media's responsibility to take care of what they are publishing to the world ???
                                  Maybe it might not be noticed by everyone but there is alarming danger of sumone known to the  concerned person might notice and it might affect her and turn her  life upside down ,,or matter of fact anyone in any inapporpriate state--its not a photoshoot at any point of matter ,While there is no denying that newspapers have been the one's which  brings to limelight such pathetic actions -- the public appreciate the pain and risk that involve in getting these news to public,,But at the same time the same media and newspapers have responsibility to make sure  that the innocent people  are not affected in the quest of publishing wrong deeds.
                                    The same matter of fact happened during the incident of Swamiji and a once famous  actress--While the incident came as a absolute shock --it was very disheartening again for me to see the incident portrayed with lot of focus on the actress --which seemed pointless given the issue was all that of a well known  swamiji misconducts --after all there is still place for free will in this world ,isnt it ?--u can do things as and when u want without harming others -what was her mistake if it was her or any other lady it was no crime --but she came to limelight even though the spotlight was supposedly on sumone else  --i always wondered why they couldnt mask the lady if they wanted to show the swamiji's misconducts??
                                      My point might get lost or not noticed as im one among the million of common men but a fact is a fact --there is no denying that --"If u want to be responsible for bringing out wrong things then u r responsible for making sure the wrong one's are the only one's who are affected and ABSOLUTELY NOONE ELSE",Wishing sumday it happens because it is only fair that innocent people dont suffer of irresponsible or careless mistakes ,,only then this world will be a better place to live
                                   (Written in my perspective of a particular happening that really irked me to write this blog  --not meant to hurt anyones feelings--if so its highly regretted)

 

"Depression -One of the biggest challenges in life "

Recently a article on sad demise of  Varsha -noted singer Asha Bhonsle's daughter was found out to be a suicide most probably of depression for which she was undergoing treatment -May her soul  rest in peace.
http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-10-08/mumbai/34321873_1_singer-asha-bhosle-prabhu-kunj-anand-bhosle
                                    The supposed reason "Depression"is often reason for many a downfall ,,many years before when i asked probably the only person i never saw depressed in a whole short lovely life

 "I have never seen u depressed ,,How come ?"--She replied "If you mean depression as devoid of happiness --I Have enough happiness --if u mean depression as excess of sadness --I will never be that sad  "--Sumthing i have never been able to find  such a balance in my life --Depression has been always the uncalled guest who i have had to find a right  reason essentially everytime  to chase out quickly to prevent getting engulfed .

                                      In my young age i had wondered why do famous people get affected by depression --I still remember very well during my  schoollife i became a big fan of "Princess Diana "--I was mesmerised by how beautiful sumeone could look -Her rude ending felt like pure unjust --but as years went by i happened to read a few articles on her which described how much she had been suffereing from depression in her life for long time -For years, the public believed that Diana was living a fairy tale life, married to her real life Prince Charming. However, this was far from the truth. According to "Diana: The Last Word" by Simone Simmons, late in her first pregnancy Diana threw herself down a staircase trying to draw attention to her pain. She said of the incident, "I wanted Charles to put his arms around me and say he loved me, but all he ever did was give me a pat on the back." In a 1995 interview conducted by the BBC, Diana revealed that she had suffered from post-natal depression after her first son, Prince William was born. She admitted to self-injuring due to the pressure she felt trying to adapt to her role as Princess of Wales, but said it backfired since rather than getting her the help she needed, it made people believe she was attention-seeking and unstable. She also confessed to secret binging and purging of food to help her deal with her marriage problems,
                                      Famous or not --depression seems inevitable --Thanks to a wonderful family and pretty careless attitude in my early years i hardly had to encounter the real meaning until the sudden demise of my angelic mom --i spiralled into depression that took couple of years to get back to look into life for better brighter things --Two Long Years -years which made me realise life has its own ways ---and on most times it isnt what u visualised -the prolonged depression --took my magical fantasies ,,my eternal dreams were just blown away along with that period ,,i dont remember battling anything so fiercely in my life ever since that  first rude introduction - ever since even though i have not been hampered so badly as that instance i have been goin through stages where i would border on dangerously engulfed by depression but i always felt it as one of the biggest challenges offered by god ever since i heard those magical words from that frd
 
          "Being depressed makes me forget to appreciate that im alive 
            God has given me reasons to feel depressed -i found one reason not to be so 
            At the end of day whatever u do in ur life is ur choice "
 
                                            Today  my heart after every failure feels the pain and has a endless attraction to get depressed like those two years again --but the words of that friend --coupled with a fierce will to achieve few dreams -my promises to my mom on her final days --keeps me going sumhow --sumtimes it is not a choice of whether u can --its just "u have to ".
                                               Depression should be kept as a shawdow --because then only u will see the road ahead clear without obstruction --the moment u allow depression to become more than a shawdow and allow urself to be engulfed then everythin happening would become questionably pessimistic --front it up as one of the biggest challenges --never underestimate your   fighting capabilities --as one saying goes

           "MIRACLES DO HAPPEN ONLY IF YOU ARE PREPARED TO SEE THEM "

                                               The next time you feel depressed just believe you can find a reason not to feel so ---no matter if you fail 1000 times u will suceed --who knows the miracle we wish to see might be ourselves ----:P:P

 

"Gandhiji -A True Leader "

 
                   "Whatever you do will be  insignificant but its very  important u do it "
                                                                                             -- Mahatma Gandhi
           If ever you decide to read a autobiography of a great person --then make sure u read "My Experiments with The Truth "-M.K.Gandhi--i bet you cannot find a more sincere and authentic explanation of life as it is than Gandhijis masterpiece --A must read -for the betterment of life and way you wanna see life ,,truly one of the most fascinatiing pieces of insight into a persons life as it is - He truly deserves the respect he has earned that will remain forever the same .
                                                          The first memory of Gandhijis influence in my life came when i was very young --i saw a frd of mine in a fancy dress competetion dressed up like Gandhiji --and all the while we were all clapping making fun noises --giggling --suddenly the moment his name was announced -there was pin drop silence ---it left me wondering --what happen --It was of "Respect " the great man had earned in his life that people ,generations later respected what he had done in his life -- "The man who conquered his inner weaknesses "--i got fascinated ever since and have taken my time to read articles and news about him even though im a self acknowledged pathetic reader ,lol.
                                                          Many of our generations just know his heroic struggles against the british --his nonviolence --but to reach that state --only reading the life history and the events that transpired in his early life will u realise how much he had to struggle to overcome his own demons --sumthing which he refers as "Evil what we see outside is a reflection of evil and weakness inside oneself"---That the relevance of Gandhiji to our people was never in question before us and will never be for centuries is a absolute testament of quite a remarkable person the world had ever seen
                                                       Yes it’s a truth that Mahatma Gandhi did wrong things like eating meat and lying to his mother about it. He used to smoke and he himself admitted that he was a jealous husband. But he stopped them as soon as he realized it was wrong. When he lied to his mother about eating meat he felt guilty and promised to himself that he will never take meat again. Before going to London he took a vow that he will never touch wine, women and meat. He lived up to his promises ,probably for anyone aspiring to rise above their inner weaknesses and demon there is probably no better example than our "Father of our nation".
                                                       Gandhiji was afraid of public speaking. He was very shy. He gave up a case because he did not have the courage to speak. Because of his shyness it was becoming hard for him to continue his practice as a barrister. Later on, in South Africa Mahatma Gandhi was able to overcome his shyness.Another prime example of belief ,conquering inner demons ,Sumtimes in our constant struggle to rise above inner demons we need sumthing more than inspiration and strength --a practical guidance to tackle the weaknesses -probably thats where Gandhiji's life becomes a wonderful help to see life with better belief and a deep sense of clarity of where we stand .
                                                       To write about him it may require 1000's of pages --his life is a  book for everyone-- To live a life with utmost sincerity --The discipline ,--the dedication in life -the guts to accept his mistakes and rectify them --refine himself of his shortcomings --the tremendous self control he held for his whole life -everything seems unbelievably remarkable yet so real!!His autobiography makes a huge statement on how sumone who was on the way to being another imperfect man went on to become the most ardent example  for perfection by self control and belief --his life eventually has become the most inspiring example for generations to follow --for me that particular point "that u need not be born perfect to be perfect is the example,inspiration and motivation required  for anyone to follow and  strive to make  some of their impossible dreams in life a reality.
                                                        His influence is  just not abt book in my life --i still remember very fondly --the best incident in my education life came in my 11th standard -when asked suddenly by my then Eng Teacher --i had to choose a topic of my liking of some historical person--i went to the stage and i went point blank and the first image pf a historical person--the first image of a leader was Gandhiji --i spoke about his role in then improving the status of women in society --till that very moment i was unsure to even talk before a group of people but the appreciation after i had done my speech -(even though the presentation was not a great one )-was in genuine respect of acknowledgment from all of a great leader --almost everyone was feeling the same --the admiration seemed endless --the respect genuine --he has strolled generations and will stroll thousands  of years to come -An inspiration,a terrific role model,beyond everything he will always be "A True Leader "

                                                       
                                                    

There Are Times When Your "Support "Does Matter Lot !!!

      "To watch helplessly a life coming to a end prematurely is the most cruel thing in world"

      " In memory of one of my sister like friend who passed away to Breast Cancer recently -R.I.P Sister"

                                                                 In today's mechanical world the loss of sumone known matters for minutes --we just feel sorry for sum moments and then carry on with our work --almost forgetting the incident as a scary dream not worth remembering another time -Recently happened to witness some very terrible unfortunate incident after incident in my life altering so many feelings unexplainable ,the cruel end of a frds sister to breast cancer left me battered to pieces ---it did not seem a good idea to have belief and goodwill to defeat fate because there always seems only one winner - FATE .
                                                                 Recently a explanation  made by a friend in the funeral made me really take note off --He said and  I quote "Buddy i have been with this family for last one year --ever since i knew of the diagnosis of breast cancer --The family was broken to pieces and were struggling to accept truths --accept the pressure of financial pressures it brought about --the numerous hospital check ups --the eventual treatment causing her to become bald --and every day she was surviving with her family and couple of us giving her hope that she is winning the battle which she never was --my role was very minuscle --i just made sure i was there for her regularly --im not rich so i could not help her financially but i would go to her house to help her when she needed outside help--She lived 1 year more than doctors predicted--but the sufferings of family and her was beyond words --but every time i went to meet them --they felt better --they felt the inevitable was put off by few more minutes --after all u give sumthing that isnt costly but precious to them --"YOUR TIME "
                                                                He was true by every word --but to put to practice is  one of the hardest things imaginable --i personally know the pain of seeing my wonderful Mom pass away in front of my eyes --i could remember the last few days --i could exactly remember the people who made their sincere efforts to visit my mother out of true love and respect ,,not to mention the remarkable scene of witnessing my entire college batchmates aligning themselves to see  my mom one last time--a time when my collegemates became my friends --life changed --but that last few days --that last few moments meant a lot --it gave a few more moments in my magnificent mom's life --the last tear from her closed eyes touched my hand when i looked around to see the real people who gave those few extra moments to a noble life.
                                                               I probably never did that to many people in my life despite unfortunately being part of sum wonderful people's shocking ends to some ailment or another --which leads to me question --"Does ur support matter to people suffering some ailment ?"--The answer is a big definite "Yes"--For anyone u know in life --u owe a few moments --moments that u might never know but moments that might matter a eternity to their family --when my friend said the sufferings he saw of the frds sister --suffering from breast cancer --i closed my eyes --not able to hear more out of shock and shame --shame that i knew her end yet i hardly made a couple of visits ---that is the important thing --"u make a point to visit them with  giving them hope rather than taking what they have "---else never go .
                                                              She passed away at 33 --not seeing the wonderful things the world might have yet had for her --but i hope she was lucky to have had few souls who made sure she had hope till her last giving a few precious moments to her family --that needs a noble and hopeful heart --after all money cant buy some things --its left to us to make sure that message is passed on to our next generations ,The next time u see sumone suffering give them ur "time"whenever possible because there isnt a better thing in the world u could do to them --i missed  doing exactly that but when i came out i decided it wont happen again in my life --because my moms tear --tht last drop and those people who stood by then flashed in my mind --maybe its a cycle that i should have been a part and hope many of us would be --because our part might by minuscle but its important that we dont skip them --Sumwhere to sumone it might mean the whole world
                                               

                                                               

"Words From A Hopeful Heart "

        " My heart is not missing a beat --I just feel this is my reality
          My reality was never in my dreams --my dream never became a reality
           But neither have i stopped dreaming nor i have forgotten my reality
          To dream ,to accept reality --in short-- to live  is all part of life
          A life without love but  with dreams -with fake smile and real tears
          Tears which shout "your name "
           Fake smile which silences those shouts
           My shouts reach only my ears and disappears through my heart
           My heart -a place which has endless love despite shocking pains
           Pains which made me better man but a fragile one
           A man who still searches for love fearing it might be in his past
           Past wont hold me back -Present will push me to my future
           A future with hope -with couple of my mates and hopefully bit of love
           Because after years of hopelessness --there is feeling of something blossoming
           A flower cannot blossom without sunshine --a man cannot live without love"
           
                                                                                  ---S  h  a  n -- :)                    
                             

          
           

Happy Bday Mom -The Greatest Human Being i Knew In My Life !!!

My Mother ----Happy 54 th Bday --On this day a few thoughts about u
       What was with those mesemerising eyes --everytime i saw them i saw only love !!
       Why was that face never a angry one --for the whole time i saw u i never saw one!!
       How was that smile so angelic for 21 years i was with u --never changed once !!
       How can it be true that i can still smell ur fragrance when i think about u ??
       I live the same life but why did it seem so magnificent then when u were there?
      Why you never forced me to do something for your wish --you had every right to do so!!
      Where was the magic wand i never saw that made me glue to your saree forever
      Why is that i dont remember much of my childhood without you ?
      Why you lifted me and walked  for 50 steps for 1 month  in school when i could not walk?
      Where was the confidence in me come from when i was anything but confident ?
      How were you patient endlessly despite getting pestered even at night 3 o clock for food?
                --perhaps u were just being what mothers are -u were just amazingly humble  always !

                   Now as a 30plus guy  with responsibilities and growing up in demanding lifestyles it makes me feel priveleged to have had that sort of person as  my mother --Yes i have tortured childishly ,i have pestered you endlessly --i have shouted you ---scolded you innocently --demanded more from you so much --yet why is that i cant realise one time u reacted against my seemingly stupid silly behaviours ,,Its just amazing how a mother treats her children --Only you mothers can do that --accept all our stupidity ,,ignore our silly behaviours ,smilingly waiting for us to grow !!

                  Ten years have gone since you left for your eternal voyage --but every year u seem fresher in my memory than the previous one --and every birthday of urs  it seems a voyage to my happiest years --returning to the best years of my life with the greatest human being i ever knew momentarily bringing those happiest smiles that sumhow i never felt again --maybe being part of a miracle made me forget that !!

                 These 10 yrs --i have yet to find a whole day of good food --i have yet to find sumeone whom u dreamed of being with me now--i m yet to find that special person who could end my loneliness --im yet to give life to few of my promises i made u --but what i have learnt without ur presence is immense --the value of life --the value of respecting people with true heart --value of never hurting sumone knowingly  --and most of all  "i have learnt to celebrate the life of a marvellous soul than to cry every day for not having u "
                When u went i felt u would hear me only if i cry --then i realised my silence could reach u --now i know u r with me always --even now whilst i write this i feel ur presence sumwhere around me with that angelic smile  --"To celebrate Life of Mom --Is like celebrating life itself"without u there is no life for me after all --:),,Thanks ,,Miss u and love u hell a lot